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Advice for single mom and 6 year old

Posted by on Apr. 10, 2017 at 11:27 PM
  • 11 Replies
1 mom liked this

Hello Moms :)

I will try to make this as short as possible.

Long story short, I was with my childs father from senior year of HS, age of 17 to 24. We were married for 4 of those years (we waited till early 20s for marriage). Regardless, committed at a very young age and had a child together at the age of 19 and 20. We did it all together. We bought our own cars, house, and everything to provide for our child all on our own since the beginning of time. And wow what a great man!! We grew together but unfortuantely grew apart. As we got older, I grew and he just wanted to stay put. I developed deep passions and goals I am still trying to achieve in my life. I am 26 now. He is very homebound and very happy with keeping the same job in the same small home town where we're from. I completely support that, but the differences between us rasied a lot of insecurity and accusations on his part.  He also was a huge "white liar"..still is, and it drove me completely nuts! He even lied to me last month while son was with him on spring break about leaving him (6 YEARS OLD) home alone after he promised he wouldn't. UGH.

The last two years of our relationship was pretty much when I realized I loved him more as a best friend than a partner. We separated two years ago. It was really hard, but our friendship and connection stayed strong. I moved to a bigger city with more oppurtunity and started working and making more money right off the bat. I have our son during the school years, he gets him on most holiday breaks and in the summer. This works for us since ex works himself 6-7 days a week anyways. 

For the last year I have been seeing another man who is from the opposite side of the country. He is a successful musician and guitar teacher, we share the same chemistry, passions, and goals in life. He keeps me motivated and supports me like no other. He and my son absolutely adore each other. As a testament of our love, he has been flying TWICE a week EVERY week (5 hour flights each way) for a year to come back home to us for 4 days straight. Keep in mind, my ex husband would never even move an hour down the road for me for a job oppurtunity. 

Well, now it's almost summer break and my son is about to go spend it with his father. Which is he very excited for (his animals and all family still live there).. I am thinking about moving to LA and giving it a shot with my boyfriend (where hes from and also  lives) since that's the least he deserves. I am nervous because its yet another change, but I know it's life and I'm too motivated to chase my dream to not take chances. At the end of the day, my son is the happiest little boy and knows his mom and dad (and "best bud Brandon" current bf) loves him more than the world.

The only thing that saddens me is earlier tonight, my son asked yet again "Mommy, if you and daddy still love each other, why cant you guys be together? I wish you would."  He is 6 and we've had this conversation a couple of times before. And It breaks my heart every single time. It almost makes me forget about all of the reasons I left his dad (it hurts my heart that much).

How did you mommies go about this and what can I say to really help him understand?

by on Apr. 10, 2017 at 11:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amonkeymom
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2017 at 11:34 PM
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Just make sure he understands that while you still love each other it's more like a friendship love or a brother/sister love and not the kind needed to be married to each other.

mommy2zayden
by Member on Apr. 10, 2017 at 11:42 PM
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Thank you. That is exactly how I explain it to him. I will keep doing so each time he brings it up, too. Maybe he's still a little too young to fully comprehend? He goes to class with kids whos "mom and dads live together" and that "thats how its supposed to be".. he's told me this a few times. Though I explain to him there are all kinds of families. and that he's lucky enough to have two homes and multiple animals (his passion)

Quoting amonkeymom:

Just make sure he understands that while you still love each other it's more like a friendship love or a brother/sister love and not the kind needed to be married to each other.


amonkeymom
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2017 at 11:45 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes, he's very lucky! And, because of that he has even more people who love him!

Quoting mommy2zayden:

Thank you. That is exactly how I explain it to him. I will keep doing so each time he brings it up, too. Maybe he's still a little too young to fully comprehend? He goes to class with kids whos "mom and dads live together" and that "thats how its supposed to be".. he's told me this a few times. Though I explain to him there are all kinds of families. and that he's lucky enough to have two homes and multiple animals (his passion)

Quoting amonkeymom:

Just make sure he understands that while you still love each other it's more like a friendship love or a brother/sister love and not the kind needed to be married to each other.



Oliviasmom72
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2017 at 11:48 PM
Does the Dad live local to you? Is he going to allow you to move the kid clear across the country for a guy?
virginiamama71
by Gold Member on Apr. 10, 2017 at 11:55 PM
What is he doing on the other side of the country to have time and money to travel once a week and stay four days each time?
Can he move to you so your son doesn't have to leave his father?
mommy2zayden
by Member on Apr. 11, 2017 at 12:11 AM
Like I mentioned in my post, I already live in another city. 10 hours away from his dad for the last year and 1/2. And he is a successful private guitar teacher and musician, he is in control of his schedule so that's how. He already lives in both states and has been paying rent in two apartments for a year now. My sons father and I already have a custody agreements that works with no matter where I live. Even when I lived in the same small town down the road when we separated, he barely saw him due to his dads work schedule and being so exhausted.

Quoting virginiamama71: What is he doing on the other side of the country to have time and money to travel once a week and stay four days each time?
Can he move to you so your son doesn't have to leave his father?
momsguardian
by New Member on Apr. 11, 2017 at 8:34 AM
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Hi Dear,

I can understand your situation here. It's always difficult for people to change and it gets even more tough when you are separating from your life partner. I am lucky that my hubby is very sweet and kind. He is partially working from home to give us more time and be with us as much as possible. I hope you'll also get same kind of affection and care from your boyfriend. He seems to a really nice guy.

giving heart

virginiamama71
by Gold Member on Apr. 11, 2017 at 2:51 PM

Okay. Just tell him that there are parents that live in separate homes and they can still love and stay connected to their children.

Quoting mommy2zayden: Like I mentioned in my post, I already live in another city. 10 hours away from his dad for the last year and 1/2. And he is a successful private guitar teacher and musician, he is in control of his schedule so that's how. He already lives in both states and has been paying rent in two apartments for a year now. My sons father and I already have a custody agreements that works with no matter where I live. Even when I lived in the same small town down the road when we separated, he barely saw him due to his dads work schedule and being so exhausted.
Quoting virginiamama71: What is he doing on the other side of the country to have time and money to travel once a week and stay four days each time? Can he move to you so your son doesn't have to leave his father?


CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2017 at 3:02 PM
2 moms liked this

DD is also 6 and has asked things like that. We both just make sure to constantly tell her that we both love her and it has nothing to do with her and that sometimes people can love a child but not be together. That it doesn't diminish how we feel about her and that we're all still a family but just one that is a little unique.

amurb
by Member on Apr. 11, 2017 at 3:23 PM
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I am sorry you are going through this. In my case, during my divorce from my kids's fathers, they were both too young to really say much, now they are a little older and we were able to talk about it more. Maybe a counselor for you guys could be helpful, you know, just so he has someone to talk to about this who is well equipped to talk with kids dealing with this. Good luck.

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