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Teen step daughter dating 23 year old with his own child &hiding it.

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My 15 year old step daughter just moved in with us.  I've been in her life since she was 6 so we have a very comfortable relationship.  Now taking on the role of custodial parent is a whole new ball game.  Before I was always the go to Mom for advice, etc.  Prior to her staying with us she had all the freedom in the world and made decisions based on having that freedom.  i.e. smoking pot, drinking, losing her virginity in a non-commital relationship.  Now it seems, its our job to redirect her.  School will become her main focus (it never has been), however, shes having difficulties giving up her old life.   She has been having a sexual relationship with a 23 year old man with a child of his own.  I confronted him the other day and told him that unless he wanted to go to jail, he had to leave her be.  I've just discovered that she is still talking to him.  I know that they havent seen eachother to hook up again, but I dont want her hanging onto the idea.   When I threatened him before, she had a huge meltdown and didnt talk to me for days, she complained about me betraying her trust, etc. etc.  I am not sure how to approach it again and could use some advice.  Also, I could use any advice on helping her adjust her attitude towards school.
by on Jan. 19, 2008 at 11:16 PM
Replies (11-19):
by on Jan. 20, 2008 at 9:05 PM
  I really have mixed feeling on this -I dont approve of the age differents and the man should of known better ,but like the above lady said forbidding her or throwing him in jail isnt going to stop her -if she want to see him or anyone else she will find a way .you are not going to be able to be with her every min less you chain her to my concern would be this ,she already had the taste of sex and now her drive is in full swing --put  her on birth control asap --now I know everyones going to say no way thats just giving her the ok ,I say she already did it ,she doesnt need an ok,she needs to be protected from getting pregnant----my daughter found out my g/d was having sex at 15 she had the arm inplant thing put in -it last for 5 yrs --even the nurse was against it and told my dd she was just telling her it was ok ,my dd put her in her place and told her "you dont approve and yet you are doing it and let me tell you lady shes already having sex -would you like to raise her child if she gets pg, because I dont so put the D--m thing in and keep you opinions to your self --my g/d is 24 and both her and my dd said it was the best decision my dd ever made.just my opinion -------- 
by on Jan. 20, 2008 at 9:50 PM
 If i was you i would talk to her  and her dad about this because  her dad could  put him in jail if he realy wantd to.  Just sit her down and talk to her about this because this could get him in alot of trouble. My neafew got a 16 year old pregnant and he was 31 . I talked to the law about it and they told me until the girl was 28 they still can get him for rape because she was under age and still is. She would hate it if he went to jail and could't see his child for a long time.
by on Jan. 20, 2008 at 10:24 PM
Where does your husband stand on this issue?  I would think at the very least he would have a calm, no nonsense talk with this man.....and leave him with no doubt that this relationship in whatever form is history. Period. No phone calls, no text messaging, no contact.  (If she has a cell phone, it would have to be in your possession for a time.The state I live in can call this Criminal Sexual Abuse of a Child.  And 15 yrs old IS a child. This involves more than a little jail time; it includes having to register as a sex offender, being unable to be within a certain distance of any school and have this follow him for years, if not forever. Ask him what effect this might have on his young child. Then I would let your stepdaughter that she is very important to you and that you love her enough to make tough decisions on her behalf. Teenagers feel obliged to do a lot of posturing and protesting, but they really do want boundaries that are set out of love and concern for their future. Try to find some things that she is interested in and help her get involved. Volunteering can be a tremendous attitude adjuster. It can let her see that her current problems are pretty insignificant compared to things others are facing. And it may lead to interest in a particular career, and spark some real interest in school.
by on Jan. 20, 2008 at 10:34 PM
it is your DUTY as a parent(biological or step) to keep your children safe and out of harms way....Who cares if the real mom is trying to make you the bad guy....who cares if your step daughter hates you for a few days, weeks, or even months. She is still a minor there for has to obey your rules weather she likes them or not...and as far as you not calling the cops already??? hello...he is raping your step daughter...she is 15yrs old. I would have been on the phone with the cops the min. i found out. I dont care if other girls do it and tell you that your just gonna push her out and blah blah blah....I feel if you do not take action you are being a irresponsible parent towards her. i say get on the phone with the cops....and turn his ass in.....JMO

Mommy to Kayleigh Lyn born 2-19-07

by on Jan. 20, 2008 at 10:51 PM
Ok I was your daughter awhile ago. I was 16 when I met my now husband who was 24. He had a 6 year old son from a previous marriage. In Our state  (NC) 16 is the legal age of consent and you are considered "adult" in that area therefore there are no statuatory charges that can be filed. (My mom tried) Dont forbid her to see him or it will just make it worse! Most of the time this kind of thing will blow over and go away after awhile, but my husband and I are still together and going very strong with a daughter of our own now as well as his son.
by on Jan. 21, 2008 at 10:52 AM
I have a 15yr old and a 14 yr old who have both been sexually active with 20yr olds I know I am there mom but I try to be there friend to I dont try to stop there relationship or threaten the men because that is just going to turn them against me and I dont want that so I hang out with them some times and when I dont hang out with them I tell them how much I love them and trust them before they go out it will not be much longer and she will be 18 and you will lose her forever I would set down some ground rules for her and absolutely no drugs tell her you will drug test her and if she is positive all deals you make with her are off. She just moved in with you so she has been doing what she wants for along time my guess is she is probally going to try and cause problems between you and your husband . So try and let her see him but maybe at your house so you can kinda supervise, My girls hangout outside I stay out there with them for a lil bit then I go in and go back out every now and then to check on them just a word of advice I know you love her but as far as her and this boy sorry man go I think you might end up losing if you dont give some. But school should be #1 if she dont do better in school take some time away from her I hope I was some kind of help
by on Jan. 21, 2008 at 11:44 AM
First of all keep her talking.  Good and open communication is key.  Don't talk to her tho, talk with her. Listen to her. If you only give out orders, she'll rebel. Have you tried talking to the guy? This may sound crazy, but invite him and his child over.  Have your step-daughter take care of the child  in another room while you talk to the dad. And emphasize to him the legal situation he is in with her being a minor.   Good luck and keep us posted.  
by on Jan. 21, 2008 at 12:01 PM
Ok ladies please don't jump on me for my opinion. 1st and foremost if you as a parent don't do something and the school system catches wind of the relationship, you may have some unwanted visitors. Your step daughter may be removed from your home depending on the laws in your state. 2nd he needs to understand that the relationship is illegal in most states. I have a daughter and let me say if I ever find out that she is sexually active and dating someone that is 23 or older at with her only being 15 both her dad and I will be going to the court as soon as possible.

You have no idea what the 2 of them are doing when they are together. With her being 15 and him being 23 they can be very persausive. As a parent we need to protect the children and do what we have to. If it means we send their boyfriend to jail than so be it. She may hate you and not understand why you did it, but they will see that we just want what is best for them in the end.

I was never allowed to date in school. I was 18 before I stared dating and even at that age most of the guys were jerks.
by on Jan. 21, 2008 at 2:55 PM
  That's stature rape and you need to call the police and have his ass thrown in jail. No talking is necessary, end of story. Ro
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