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narcissist father

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2017 at 4:43 PM
  • 10 Replies
writing for my sister, she has a very hard to deal with ex, who fathers her kids. she sent them to Colorado in the summer 2012, and he refused to let them come home, she had to move to Colorado and fight for her kids, while sleeping in shelters, and anywhere she could, until she could get on her feet. she finally got split custody, and did that for two years, but longed to go back to her family , he would leave the kids with her longer, then the court order said , not that she minded, but it was obvious keeping them was about control. he finally told her when him and his play mommy split up, she could go back to tn with the boys, in 2015 she did just that, and he has since not seen them, barely talks to them, doesn't send support, well he finally took innovative to file a modification with the courts, but his requests are a bit too much. he wants them all summer, every summer , she wants him to have 8 weeks, so she can still take family vacations, he wants them every Christmas, which their oldest son's bday is there days after, so he would want that too. he wants the options to have spring and fall breaks, even though he lives 1200 miles away, and that would be unrealistic, because they would only be out a week. she wants to alternate Christmas. he is being completely insane, calling her all kinds of names, threatening that the kids will hate her. etc. What do you ladies think about the requests?
by on Jun. 17, 2017 at 4:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
virtuous_wife31
by Member on Jun. 17, 2017 at 5:19 PM
bump
WickedOpal
by Member on Jun. 17, 2017 at 5:44 PM

How old are the kids?

Iguessiwasbad13
by Member on Jun. 17, 2017 at 5:48 PM
Most courts do odd and even years with rotating holidays. I just went through this with my court order last month. It's all ready a mess and we haven't even had more than 1 holiday to get through. My ex is fine if things are his way. As soon as they are not he gets verbally abusive, it was physically abusive.
virtuous_wife31
by Member on Jun. 17, 2017 at 5:52 PM
9 and 7


Quoting WickedOpal:

How old are the kids?

WickedOpal
by Member on Jun. 17, 2017 at 6:06 PM

I was hoping that they were older and the judge would listen to them.  You should have waited the time you needed to file in your state and went back to court then.  What he did the first time is custodial interference and judges hate it when one parent does that, let alone keeping them out of state, so far away from the other one.  If you could prove that he did that, then that would make your case stronger.  

Also, any documentation from schools or Dr's that show that you have had them all this time with no support from him at all.  Bank records will show that you have received no checks or bank transfers from him.  Do you have the dates that he took them and when you got them back and all court records from the case files?  Bring everything that you can get your hands on.  Maybe even anything from the shelters to show how far you were willing to go just to see them.  That can make an impression.  That you were willing to go that far and live like that, just to see your children.   

Quoting virtuous_wife31: 9 and 7
Quoting WickedOpal:

How old are the kids?


virtuous_wife31
by Member on Jun. 17, 2017 at 6:21 PM
I had to fight it in court, in Colorado the first time. the judge took his side, was obviously a sexist pig, and sided with the father. granted him temp custody, leaving me with supervised visits, my ex made a monster out of me, the extent he is willing to go is sickeneing. when we went back for final custody, we were granted split one week on, one week off. In our orders it stated, that if both parties agreed, then the other party could leave the state, with the children, he told me I could, after 2 years of living in his control. But, we have been in tn for almost 2 years now, with school, and doctor records, I can't modify court orders, in tn, because it would have to go thru circuit court, and I would need an attorney for , I can not afford an attorney at this time. I just hate this for my boys, my 9 year old questioned the other day if his father even liked him. they cry, and they already see him for what he is, the 9 year old even said, " why does my dad make up stuff, and never do it" he promises them they will see him, even though he knows he can't follow thru. it's all so sad, I don't want them to hate me for this, but I know the right things to do.

Quoting WickedOpal:

I was hoping that they were older and the judge would listen to them.  You should have waited the time you needed to file in your state and went back to court then.  What he did the first time is custodial interference and judges hate it when one parent does that, let alone keeping them out of state, so far away from the other one.  If you could prove that he did that, then that would make your case stronger.  

Also, any documentation from schools or Dr's that show that you have had them all this time with no support from him at all.  Bank records will show that you have received no checks or bank transfers from him.  Do you have the dates that he took them and when you got them back and all court records from the case files?  Bring everything that you can get your hands on.  Maybe even anything from the shelters to show how far you were willing to go just to see them.  That can make an impression.  That you were willing to go that far and live like that, just to see your children.   

Quoting virtuous_wife31: 9 and 7


Quoting WickedOpal:

How old are the kids?

WickedOpal
by Member on Jun. 17, 2017 at 6:29 PM

See if there is a sliding scale Mental Health Clinic to take the kids to for evaluation and therapy.  You can get a recomendation from the therapist about what is in the kids' best interest and use that in couurt, too.  I know some of the clinics down here in FL, if you are poor enough, they don't even charge you.  Sometimes, it's only like $20/visit.  Even a sexist pig judge can't rule against you if you have all of that and if they do, then you know the next thing you need to do is to start saving every penny for a lawyer fund.  Go on what ever FS or Aid you can to save up, if you have to.  Work two jobs, if you need to.  It may be the only way.

And if he tries to pull that stunt again, you call the police where he is and tell them you need a wellness check on your kids because your EX is in Contempt of Court for not returning them from Visitation.  

Quoting virtuous_wife31: I had to fight it in court, in Colorado the first time. the judge took his side, was obviously a sexist pig, and sided with the father. granted him temp custody, leaving me with supervised visits, my ex made a monster out of me, the extent he is willing to go is sickeneing. when we went back for final custody, we were granted split one week on, one week off. In our orders it stated, that if both parties agreed, then the other party could leave the state, with the children, he told me I could, after 2 years of living in his control. But, we have been in tn for almost 2 years now, with school, and doctor records, I can't modify court orders, in tn, because it would have to go thru circuit court, and I would need an attorney for , I can not afford an attorney at this time. I just hate this for my boys, my 9 year old questioned the other day if his father even liked him. they cry, and they already see him for what he is, the 9 year old even said, " why does my dad make up stuff, and never do it" he promises them they will see him, even though he knows he can't follow thru. it's all so sad, I don't want them to hate me for this, but I know the right things to do.
Quoting WickedOpal:

I was hoping that they were older and the judge would listen to them.  You should have waited the time you needed to file in your state and went back to court then.  What he did the first time is custodial interference and judges hate it when one parent does that, let alone keeping them out of state, so far away from the other one.  If you could prove that he did that, then that would make your case stronger.  

Also, any documentation from schools or Dr's that show that you have had them all this time with no support from him at all.  Bank records will show that you have received no checks or bank transfers from him.  Do you have the dates that he took them and when you got them back and all court records from the case files?  Bring everything that you can get your hands on.  Maybe even anything from the shelters to show how far you were willing to go just to see them.  That can make an impression.  That you were willing to go that far and live like that, just to see your children.   

Quoting virtuous_wife31: 9 and 7
Quoting WickedOpal:

How old are the kids?


virtuous_wife31
by Member on Jun. 17, 2017 at 6:35 PM
I will try that, thank you. he won't have the opportunity to ever do it again, because i will never trust him again, unless there is a court order specifically stating , he has to return them home.

Quoting WickedOpal:

See if there is a sliding scale Mental Health Clinic to take the kids to for evaluation and therapy.  You can get a recomendation from the therapist about what is in the kids' best interest and use that in couurt, too.  I know some of the clinics down here in FL, if you are poor enough, they don't even charge you.  Sometimes, it's only like $20/visit.  Even a sexist pig judge can't rule against you if you have all of that and if they do, then you know the next thing you need to do is to start saving every penny for a lawyer fund.  Go on what ever FS or Aid you can to save up, if you have to.  Work two jobs, if you need to.  It may be the only way.

And if he tries to pull that stunt again, you call the police where he is and tell them you need a wellness check on your kids because your EX is in Contempt of Court for not returning them from Visitation.  

Quoting virtuous_wife31: I had to fight it in court, in Colorado the first time. the judge took his side, was obviously a sexist pig, and sided with the father. granted him temp custody, leaving me with supervised visits, my ex made a monster out of me, the extent he is willing to go is sickeneing. when we went back for final custody, we were granted split one week on, one week off. In our orders it stated, that if both parties agreed, then the other party could leave the state, with the children, he told me I could, after 2 years of living in his control. But, we have been in tn for almost 2 years now, with school, and doctor records, I can't modify court orders, in tn, because it would have to go thru circuit court, and I would need an attorney for , I can not afford an attorney at this time. I just hate this for my boys, my 9 year old questioned the other day if his father even liked him. they cry, and they already see him for what he is, the 9 year old even said, " why does my dad make up stuff, and never do it" he promises them they will see him, even though he knows he can't follow thru. it's all so sad, I don't want them to hate me for this, but I know the right things to do.

Quoting WickedOpal:

I was hoping that they were older and the judge would listen to them.  You should have waited the time you needed to file in your state and went back to court then.  What he did the first time is custodial interference and judges hate it when one parent does that, let alone keeping them out of state, so far away from the other one.  If you could prove that he did that, then that would make your case stronger.  

Also, any documentation from schools or Dr's that show that you have had them all this time with no support from him at all.  Bank records will show that you have received no checks or bank transfers from him.  Do you have the dates that he took them and when you got them back and all court records from the case files?  Bring everything that you can get your hands on.  Maybe even anything from the shelters to show how far you were willing to go just to see them.  That can make an impression.  That you were willing to go that far and live like that, just to see your children.   

Quoting virtuous_wife31: 9 and 7


Quoting WickedOpal:

How old are the kids?

illogicalkat
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2017 at 8:29 PM

If he is calling her names and threatening her, she needs to document document document and file that with the court. And probably file for a protective order. 

In another reply you said you can't afford an attorney, but honestly I doubt you can afford to not hire an attorney. Call around and ask about sliding scale payments, contact the domestic violence shelters - they'll probably have some legal resources you can try.

MysticLove
by Tiffany on Jun. 17, 2017 at 10:54 PM

His requests are nuts. Why is she even considering this with what happened last time? Why doesn't she submit proof that he didn't return them last time? Some judges will require that he come visit the kids and not leave the area with them.

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