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My marriage and motherhood are colliding

Posted by on Aug. 4, 2017 at 9:01 AM
  • 15 Replies
Last night my husband and I had another falling out over how he treats my daughter, his stepdaughter. I don't yell, he does. She used to get upset/cry if he yelled, but yesterday she didn't. She stood there with no facial expression as he yelled. I've been in tears, unable to sleep, because I think I've reached my limit. I told him that I was handling the situation and he shouldn't have intervened when I had it under control. But on a larger scale, I clarified again that he needs to worry about his kids, and I'll worry about my daughter, as we clearly discipline differently. He doesn't discipline his kids, yet he still found moments to try to with my daughter. I really don't know what to do at this point. I said that if talking to my daughter makes him that angry, stay out of it when I'm addressing a situation. He says he gets angry when she's disrespectful, and she listens to me but not him. My response was that's because she doesn't respect you. And why should she when he's built an aggressive relationship with her. Yes, she has an attitude sometimes, and I address it. My daughter is resiliant, and loves her stepdad, but the times added up that he yells, and will probably continue to yell, is going to destroy me, and possibly her trust. He has said he's sorry, and agrees that yelling has no place in our home. It's been said before. And I'm here with no solution at the moment.
by on Aug. 4, 2017 at 9:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
chicken13
by Bronze Member on Aug. 4, 2017 at 9:14 AM
2 moms liked this

Everyone involved needs counseling to learn how to interact in a better way.  

hugss
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by on Aug. 4, 2017 at 9:34 AM
1 mom liked this

Sorry to hear this is happening,
I agree .. perhaps some kind of counseling for you all might help .
Good luck :)

lovingladyo4
by Member on Aug. 4, 2017 at 9:39 AM
1 mom liked this

Conflict can be a healthy thing when a family has goals to accomplish. What are your family goals together and separately? Maybe the boundary lines haven't been drawn where they need to be. Any resolution will come after an agreement has been made, accountability set in place, and love and forgiveness reign in your home. 

Punky_1981
by Member on Aug. 4, 2017 at 9:57 AM

I think a child, anyone under 18 living in your house, needs to respect both adults. True, respect is earned, not given, but at the same time your husband isn't going to show her respect if she doesn't show it to him also. When you decided to join your families together, you made the choice to add another parent. I agree that counseling might help with the yelling. The bottom line is, he is a parent to her, and she needs to respect him, and listen when she's told not to do something, or to do something. 

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Aug. 4, 2017 at 12:08 PM

IF he is disrespectful directly to him he should say something.  Not yelling maybe, but what is your dd saying?  Sounds like your dd isn't respecting anyone.  How old is she?  


SavySnap91
by Member on Aug. 4, 2017 at 1:39 PM
1 mom liked this

I can't imagine staying with someone who treats my child that way. 

xoch86
by Bronze Member on Aug. 4, 2017 at 1:41 PM
2 moms liked this

Counseling..

divorce..

you know what to do, you are just choosing to stay with this man who is abusive towards your daughter. Good luck with that that.

jazmanian
by New Member on Aug. 4, 2017 at 2:44 PM
2 moms liked this

hello yeehawhoney,

This must be very tough on you that as you are caught in between two people that you deeply care about. It is never easy to navigate the relationships in a blended family like yours. I do notice that you are doing your best to discipline your child and helping your husband understand the dynamic in the fragile relationship with his step daughter. I also see that your husband is wanting to do his best with your daughter but he is struggling. I came across this post answering to a question similar to yours that could help you, and here is something you may want to share with your husband as well.

I am praying that the situation will improve over time as you both are trying to hard to do the best for this family.

mamamedic69
by on Aug. 4, 2017 at 7:01 PM

This  is a tough situation. Obviously something has changed since you got married. You all need to be on the same page in regards to what is expected from each member.

coolmommy2x
by Member on Aug. 4, 2017 at 7:04 PM
I love this reply and agree with a PP that maybe a therapist can help set this up.

Quoting lovingladyo4:

Conflict can be a healthy thing when a family has goals to accomplish. What are your family goals together and separately? Maybe the boundary lines haven't been drawn where they need to be. Any resolution will come after an agreement has been made, accountability set in place, and love and forgiveness reign in your home. 

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