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Speaks one day ignores the next

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2017 at 9:25 PM
  • 12 Replies
My 21 yr old son and my husband had a few past misunderstandings nothing major. Just a difference of opinions. Anyhow, my son who lives with us walks by my husband and says hi how are you? My husband says hi good. My husband completely ignores him doesnt hold conversation or asks about his day only asks me about his job hunting and asked how that was going. Any how it seems like maybe they are playing like the chess game make your move and speak and I will.. its upsetting. On the other hand, my SD came over yesterday after not seeing her for 2 weeks and i hugged her told her we all missed her regardless of sometimes teens getting on your nerves. I just feel life is too short.
by on Nov. 20, 2017 at 9:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
virginiamama71
by Gold Member on Nov. 20, 2017 at 10:46 PM
Have they always been like this?
kgsharber
by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2017 at 10:52 PM
Dh is the adult, he needs to act like it. Honestly. The mental chess game can be saved for another adult, not a college kid.
lovingladyo4
by Member on Nov. 21, 2017 at 10:16 AM
1 mom liked this

I can see why this is so upsetting to you. We have had similar incidents of that in our home over the years too with my husband. He prefers to get a condensed version of what's going on rather than engage in sincere and heartfelt conversation sometimes. I reached a point where I said to him, "I think he would appreciate having you ask him about his life. That would mean a lot to show you cared."

Avoidance of meaningful interaction has always been his weak spot. I tried to encourage him to step up and be the one to ask the questions. It took some loving prodding on my part and he did get a lot better as time passed. I think the bottom line I needed to confront him with was, "How much do you value your children and your time on earth with them? Today will be gone and we can never get it back again. What do you want to remember about your relationship with your children? Are you being the dad you want to be?"

I had to find the place in my husband's heart that would cause him to respond with some truth about himself.

How would you feel about setting aside some time to assess this situation with your husband? It's possible he may be oblivious to the impact this has on his son. Getting deeply involved with your son in his world requires a commitment of nurturing and a lot of love. Your husband may have another measuring stick to define the type of relationship he considers valuable with his son.

If you can get a clear cut idea of how this affects your son, you can bring it to his attention and offer that as an opportunity to rectify things between them. The choice will be his. If anything, it will cause your husband to take inventory of his heart and decide who he wants to be. 

Pray and ask God to help you. He created family and certainly has a plan to keep it together. Parenting requires so much selflessness but the fruit it creates not only in our own hearts, but in the security of our children, is always a gift. Yes, I agree with you, life is short. I pray your husband can begin to look at this through a new set of eyes. 

Oliviasmom72
by Bronze Member on Nov. 21, 2017 at 4:08 PM
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I take it your husband is not his Dad? Your DH sounds childish. If they cannot live in the same house together peacefully one has to go.

Sage2876
by Member on Nov. 21, 2017 at 10:51 PM
I agree. At some point being the adult and leading by example is key.

Quoting Oliviasmom72:

I take it your husband is not his Dad? Your DH sounds childish. If they cannot live in the same house together peacefully one has to go.

Sage2876
by Member on Nov. 22, 2017 at 7:05 AM
No. Been past 6 mo. Thay have always gotten along

Quoting virginiamama71: Have they always been like this?
MrsSimpf
by on Nov. 22, 2017 at 9:05 AM
1 mom liked this

I've learned that I can't fix my inter-family relationships--I can only model them for us. Don't get me wrong--I will speak frankly to my husband about conversations that went south with our kids and he does the same for me so we can learn from them. That being said, continue to model that for this young audience--just show them you love them no matter what, support them, and yet some boundaries are necessary, too. Sending prayers for your son and your husband's relationship to improve. My gut is they like each other but don't seem to know how to show it comfortably yet. 

virginiamama71
by Gold Member on Nov. 22, 2017 at 1:21 PM
Maybe this change has something to do with the computer cord missing.

Quoting Sage2876: No. Been past 6 mo. Thay have always gotten along

Quoting virginiamama71: Have they always been like this?
Sage2876
by Member on Nov. 22, 2017 at 1:39 PM
Would you think my husband hid the cord? I dont know how my son who was blamed could have gone in our room which stays locked to place the cord there...

Quoting virginiamama71: Maybe this change has something to do with the computer cord missing.

Quoting Sage2876: No. Been past 6 mo. Thay have always gotten along

Quoting virginiamama71: Have they always been like this?
virginiamama71
by Gold Member on Nov. 22, 2017 at 1:42 PM
I don't know what's going on in your home. Locking doors, hiding a cord, lack of communication.

Call a family meeting and discuss the issues.

Everything can be worked out especially since they had a good relationship before.


Quoting Sage2876: Would you think my husband hid the cord? I dont know how my son who was blamed could have gone in our room which stays locked to place the cord there...

Quoting virginiamama71: Maybe this change has something to do with the computer cord missing.

Quoting Sage2876: No. Been past 6 mo. Thay have always gotten along

Quoting virginiamama71: Have they always been like this?
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