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Catering to our kids......

Posted by on Nov. 22, 2017 at 4:20 PM
  • 17 Replies

So last night while putting my oldest daughter to bed, I had a moment where I became deep in thought about something. Let me give you a background on the situation. 

It was midnight and after letting my daughter stay up later than I usually do, even on weekends, I when into her room and told her it was time for bed. She instantly said she was hungry and asked for something to eat. I proceeded to inform her that we ate dinner and if she was still hungry she should have come out way earlier and say something. She then went into her crying fit and was saying she was starving & kept asking for something to eat. I just said no, were all going to sleep & you can eat breakfast in the morning. (which she ate great with scrambled eggs, toast and hashbrowns). She then decided she should start whining about it. I again told her no although she didnt like that answer and eventuall fell asleep. 

The point to my story is that my kids are so well taken care of and NEVER EVER go with out. They have food, a nice roof over their heads, a warm bed, clothes, more toys than they should have. It hit me after going to bed that night that kids are so catered to and just expect things. They get where they expect to be waited on, to get their way always, to get what ever they want when ever they want it. I have times when I start wondering if Im doing a good job with my kids. "Are they happy enough? Do they get the attention they need? Do they have enough clothes? Do they need new shoes?" I dont know about anyone else, but I get tired of stressing over my kids well being all the time. I know they are just fine and more than well taken care of especially at the time when they use me as a maid and expect things. Yes my kids are very important to me and Id do anything for them. Id go without before Id let them. So Im done catering to my kids' every whims. 

anyone else ever feel this way?

by on Nov. 22, 2017 at 4:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Sams8monkies
by Member on Nov. 22, 2017 at 4:24 PM
1 mom liked this
My kids, except my dd11, have a cut off of 7pm for a snack. After 7pm they have to wait until the next morning.


kgsharber
by Bronze Member on Nov. 22, 2017 at 4:26 PM
3 moms liked this
Umm, speak for yourself. My kids have never been comfortable throwing fits and behaving that way. We have always fostered independence in them. We've never had bedtime or food struggles & we have 4 kids.

I'd nip that in bud now.
Rlmori2010
by Member on Nov. 23, 2017 at 7:53 PM
1 mom liked this
My kids do the same thing, we will eat dinner and I will even ask before we clean up if hey want anymore... they always say no but not even 10 min later after everything is cleaned up they tell me they are hungry... I give them a snack and that’s it or if they don’t eat their dinner which is often they get nothing

Quoting mzhottie2581:

So last night while putting my oldest daughter to bed, I had a moment where I became deep in thought about something. Let me give you a background on the situation. 

It was midnight and after letting my daughter stay up later than I usually do, even on weekends, I when into her room and told her it was time for bed. She instantly said she was hungry and asked for something to eat. I proceeded to inform her that we ate dinner and if she was still hungry she should have come out way earlier and say something. She then went into her crying fit and was saying she was starving & kept asking for something to eat. I just said no, were all going to sleep & you can eat breakfast in the morning. (which she ate great with scrambled eggs, toast and hashbrowns). She then decided she should start whining about it. I again told her no although she didnt like that answer and eventuall fell asleep. 

The point to my story is that my kids are so well taken care of and NEVER EVER go with out. They have food, a nice roof over their heads, a warm bed, clothes, more toys than they should have. It hit me after going to bed that night that kids are so catered to and just expect things. They get where they expect to be waited on, to get their way always, to get what ever they want when ever they want it. I have times when I start wondering if Im doing a good job with my kids. "Are they happy enough? Do they get the attention they need? Do they have enough clothes? Do they need new shoes?" I dont know about anyone else, but I get tired of stressing over my kids well being all the time. I know they are just fine and more than well taken care of especially at the time when they use me as a maid and expect things. Yes my kids are very important to me and Id do anything for them. Id go without before Id let them. So Im done catering to my kids' every whims. 

anyone else ever feel this way?

midjet117
by Member on Nov. 24, 2017 at 12:07 PM
1 mom liked this

MMM sorta. My oldest 2 are 12 now and have backed off and do not ask for everything under the sun anymore. My youngest is 8 and she still expects a lot. I know as she gets older, she too will grow out of it. I'm never like, is my kid happy enough? I know my kids are happy. They're also polite and well behaved. They know that there are consequences for bad behavior and limits. I have never denied my children food unless I noticed that my youngest started to ask for food out of bordom and begins to become wasteful. 

ChildOfTheLight
by Member on Nov. 25, 2017 at 11:12 PM
2 moms liked this
My husband and I parent our children in a much different way than most. We use the Quaker model of consensus when making decisions in our home. Which means our children get equal say in almost everything.
That being said, we also raise them with a passion for the Quaker testimonies (simplicity, peace, integrity, community, equality and stewardship) as well as a firm belief that there is that of God in every person. So it’s very rare they act entitled or selfish when helping make a decision as they have been taught to always seek God’s leading first and care for others as they would themselves.
Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Nov. 26, 2017 at 7:32 AM
1 mom liked this

Good for you for not caving in. She will learn to get a snack earlier next time, it's not our job to keep our kids happy all the time, it's our job to raise kids that can get along in the world, be resilient, learn to delay gratification, work hard, negotiate, be grateful. 

Linda_Runs
by Silver Member on Nov. 27, 2017 at 8:05 AM
1 mom liked this

You are not the only one who has felt this way.  My kids get everything they need and almost everything they want; much, much more than many other children do.

They don't always appreciate how good they have it.  When they whine about what they "think" they don't have, we get fed up and, like you, I have said I am done.  The funny thing is it doesn't last long.

We love them dearly and try to do our very best to cater to them, including going overboard sometimes.

I liked reading your post.  Shows that you are a really good mom.

MusherMaggie
by Silver Member on Nov. 27, 2017 at 8:43 AM
Food was never something I restricted. We often did bedtime snacks just before brush8ng teeth, especially when they were in growth spurts.
kgbm13
by New Member on Nov. 27, 2017 at 1:24 PM

Totally know it and see both sides. Sd’s x2 given everything they want with mom and grandma.  We ask very little of them here but we all eat and make dishes we all help.  You also serve yourself.  Your 6 and 12.  If mom or grandma are there they act like they can’t do anything for themselves.  Even at drop off the kids flop down on the couch and tell mom to get them something.  Seriously.  It’s all how we choose to raise our kids.  They will never group up strong or independent let alone able to care for their own needs if they are not taught early.  Example 12 yr old took four years to learn to make Mac and cheese and hot dogs. It’s the only thing she can cook even now.  

Now look at how e raise our two year old, she can do simple chores, knows to help clear table, does dishes with  throws tantrums because she hears no you can’t right now often.  Yet grandma says we will give the little everything but ask too much of the older kids.  The little does more than the orders do.

if your seeing this now thee is nothing wrong with changing how you react to your kids.  Maybe have a meeting and work together to get the new rules figured out and then as parents set them and have another meeting.    It can work and they will learn the new rules and be ok with it.

DakotaHaley
by Bronze Member on Nov. 27, 2017 at 1:30 PM
1 mom liked this

My kids are the same way. Everytime I tell them bed time they want to eat or something to drink. For awhile I catered to them. But finally I was done and I don't anymore. Yes, my daughter will throw a fit, but oh well. 

I think it's hard as parents because I just did everything for them. Now they are 7 and 11 and I am trying to teach them that I don't have to do everything for them. They should be able to put their clothes in the hamper instead of on the floor. Learn to eat when it's dinner time and not waiting till I say bed time. I'm sure they will get there, but it's all new to them because I always catered to them. But I am trying to change that, especially now since they are getting older. How else are they going to learn if I do it for them?

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