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Help please

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2017 at 10:14 PM
  • 9 Replies

My husband has always played video games since I met him but ever since he bought Destiny 2 where you can play with other online players he is obsessed. He leaves for work around 8am and gets home around 4:15pm. I work from home for a call center and I have to clock in at 4:30pm. We have a 6 year old in Kindergarten and a 2 year old. He eats dinner with them at 4:30pm and them tells them to play in their rooms because he wants to play his video game Destiny 2. He ends up playing every night from 5pm until 1am. He is 33 years old by the way. I have nagged, complained and he says sorry but continues. Then we had a talk and agreed upon that after dinner he would play with our kids or watch a movie with them And when I come out of my office at 9pm for lunch him and I would watch something. Then after my lunch until 1am he would play. On my two days off he would spend the entire night with me. But in my nights off he has to mention something about the game. We just once again had a talk and he agreed he would not mention his game on my nights off. Now he spent time with us till I went to work at 4:30 and jumped on the game at 7:15 and played through my lunch. He just is putting this game above me. I know all guys have hobbies and his keeps him in the house but he has only been like this with this game because it is with other online guys. I have been crying about this, shown anger and nothing works. Then he has the balls to say to me “ my hobby keeps me at home and ever since I got that game you have b****

by on Dec. 9, 2017 at 10:14 PM
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Replies (1-9):
by Gold Member on Dec. 9, 2017 at 10:32 PM
Don't nag and complain. Have a discussion with him about the game, what interests him about it, what it's about, etc. Eventually he will start to balance everything.
by Barb on Dec. 10, 2017 at 10:13 AM

Companies make games addictive on purpose. In a non-judgemental way explain that you are concerned that he has fallen for this addictive scheme as many others have. Say that you are concerned that the valuable time when the children are little is being lost to him by his addiction. They are only little for a short time. Suggest that he make himself back off from the game a bit, just as he would when the children are preteens and want to play the game all the time. He'll want to restrict them to only an hour or two a day so they can spend their time on more important things.

by Member on Dec. 10, 2017 at 6:31 PM
How long has he had it? Maybe he is just excited because it’s new?
by New Member on Dec. 10, 2017 at 8:28 PM

 A month and a half

by Silver Member on Dec. 11, 2017 at 8:57 AM
Counseling for the both of you. This is addictive behavior, just like alcoholism. You cannot talk him into managing this by yourself. He needs to hear it from a professional third party.

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by on Dec. 11, 2017 at 10:33 AM

As long as he has made the effort to play with the kids at night, and understands that he needs to balance family time with play time, which it sounds like he has already modified his behavior? then it seems like maybe you need to cut him a break if he merely mentions it in discussion. My Dh is addicted to his phone and no amount of begging or pleading takes him from it, not my son or mine, I am basically a single parent, so just be glad that at least your DH is trying to make the efforts to balance his time more. Also, when he does make those efforts, heap on the praise! tell him how much you appreciate him making those efforts, its hard for addicts which he seems to be. Praise goes a long with with husbands as well as kids. Games are an addiction, like any other addiction, and they all suck. 

by New Member on Dec. 11, 2017 at 1:19 PM
He might be using it as a way to cope/as an excuse to put aside other issues that he doesn’t wish to deal with, so I agree that general counseling with a mediator or therapist might help you both come to an agreement on a good balance in lifestyle, and also to air out anything that’s not being discussed because it’s too emotional in the moment.
by on Dec. 11, 2017 at 3:23 PM

Sorry to hear that you are dealing with these issues.  These video games and phones are very addicting and your husband might need some outside help to deal with his fixation. Sounds like you were making some progress.  Keep talking it out. Have you thought of reminding him that it is not a good example to set for the kids?  The kids are always watching and you don't want them to act out to get your husband's attention.  Hope you can find a solution soon.

by on Dec. 18, 2017 at 11:51 PM

It hurts to be second place to, video games, alcohol, drugs -- anything!  Both you and your children seem to be a distant second.  I really hope you can get some couples counseling to save your family.  Prayers for you all.

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