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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Advice About a " Friend"

Posted by on Feb. 26, 2008 at 3:33 PM
  • 3 Replies
This is my 1st time posting and I need some advice about how other Moms might be feeling about their friends since the baby. I am 43, had my 1st baby in August ( beautiful, healthy girl) but I am very torn about some actions of so called " best friend". I have known this person for 3 years ( we knew each other a few months before I met my husband) we met at work, a restaurant, and immediately got along. I was so happy to meet someone like her, because most people in that business are party people, etc. ( I was for years) but she was different. We went swimming together, doubled dated, vacationed, and I really enjoyed her company. I would like to say upfront that a lot of people at work did not like her. I noticed rude behaviour, but summed it up to her being from a different country and perhaps people were just  a little more direct ( Britain). Sorry to all you Brits out there, but I guess I had the " Simon Cowell" image. To sum up the last 3 years, I have seen her be rude to strangers ( sales clerks, waiters) and even to me directly. A couple of times I ignored, because quite honestly, she can be a very fun person to be around and a good friend. Well, when I got pregnant she was right there for me, very excited, hosting me a baby shower, etc. The party was amazing ( beautiful shower given by her, another friend, and my Mom) but for some reason she was incredibly rude to my mother during the planning of the shower, and actually at the shower. I was not told of this right away, as my mother did not want to upset me, with the pregnancy and all, but i guess she was so rude my mom said at one point she wanted to go in the bathroom and cry!!!!!!!! I have never said anything about this to her, but I find it so offensive, 1st because it is my mother ( who she never knew before) and because my mother is 63 and she is 33. Who does that sort of disrespectful thing?. Well, I let it go, but then more things, like she started getting into his "Hello Kitty" stuff and every-time I would receive a gift from UPS ( we got loads because a lot of family out of town) she would go and buy all this stuff on-line and have it delivered and brag about it, which was sooooo odd. Even her boyfriend, who finally left hr, was freaked out by the whole" Hello Kitty" thing. As I was decorating my nursery, she was planning to paint her guest room pink and decorate with Hello Kitty!!! Since the baby, I have tried to keep up with my friends as much as possible, going to lunch, etc. but I started back to school in January, and I have a lot of pressure because I am trying to graduate in May, and their seems to be very little disregard or respect for my time. She is always wanting to "pop" over, which drives me nuts, as most days I may not even be out of my PJ"S before noon. When I offered to throw a dinner party in her name for her birthday ( easier for us than trying to go out on a weekday) she insisted all week by text message that she wanted to come earlier, as it fit better with her schedule( she was getting a massage at 500, so would rather come at 6:30, instead of 7:00. Long story short, we went back and forth, and finally I flat out said 7:00!!!! ( My husband was not home until 6:30 from work) and she and her date showed up at 7:30!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is it me, or is that just rude. It is almost as if it is not her way, then she will not do it. I spent $130.00 on the party a month ago, and have not received a thank you note!!!!!! The last incident ( the same week ) involved my husband. He offered to install some carpet for her for free. Well, very long story short, she had him go pick up the carpet, but said she did not want it installed for a few months. In other words, he was her personal delivery person. Sometimes I think I am being over emotional, but honestly, I do not even want to be around her anymore. Is it my hormones, or is this person rude??????? I cannot decide if this is because I am a mother now, and only want positive people in my life????It has been very difficult, because I am an extremely nice person, but the only way i have wanted to handle it anymore is just to ignore her. Is that wrong????? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LoLo43
by on Feb. 26, 2008 at 3:33 PM
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Replies (1-3):
KittyD
by on Feb. 26, 2008 at 3:36 PM
People change and some just stay the same. I think it might be time for you to move on.
Bekah062205
by on Feb. 26, 2008 at 3:47 PM
i was in a similar situation but all completely different at the same time.....i had a really good friend before i was pregnant...She and i did everything together...she helped with my babyshower....she came over in the mornings to give me my insulin shots while i was pregnant...we had a great relationship...but when my dd was born i started to notice things more..and started to distant myself from her..granted she always came over for dinner but i stopped really going out with her...etc......then i started not wanting my daughter around her that often because of the way she treated her two girls. I didnt want my daughter to be around stuff like that......I had replied to a post on cafemom a while ago, just like i am now, and mentioned how she treated her children....well long story short...we are no longer friends because of that and frankly my family is better off with that stress in our lives. Sure it hurts that the one friend that you really clicked with is no longer part of your life..but friends come and go....atleast thats what i have to tell myself. I hope your situation gets better. and congrats on your baby girl!

Mommy to Kayleigh Lyn born 2-19-07

LoLo43
by on Feb. 28, 2008 at 12:18 PM
Thanks for your advise and "listening" ear. I have been so torn about this, actually to the point of depression, because I feel terrible for not wanting to be friends with her anymore. But, I do feel that you really have to go with your heart, and I just do not feel that she is a sincere person. She called me the other day and I finally answered, and she asked how I was doing. I told her about my back injury from the gym and how hard it had been with the baby, school, etc., and instead of saying I am sorry, she went right in to these dates she had been going on, etc. She said a lot of really nasty things about her exboyfriend :who she has been seeing, like " oh, I was using him until I found some else, etc. I just thought ewwwwwww, who is this person? I swore I would not be one of those people that abandoned  my friends when the baby came, but your priorities really change and you really look at life in different way ( Much better, less selfish way!!!) Thanks for listening. Lolo
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