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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

What Would You Do? (sorry kinda long)

Posted by on Feb. 29, 2008 at 4:38 PM
  • 5 Replies
I have a question...I am going to see my son (he lives with his dad) on Sunday.  It is a long story, but to make it short, his dad is the type of person who it's either his way or the highway and very manipulative.  My fiance wants to come with since he wants to be with me that day and he has never met Logan (my son) before and would like to meet him.  I asked my ex if it would be alright if my fiance came with and he didn't seem too thrilled about the idea....he said "it would be very ackward don't you think" and when I told my fiance what he said he got upset and said well I am part of the family and he needs to get used to me sometime.  So my question is if my ex says my fiance can't come with (I'm only going for a couple hours to visit) do I still go regardless or should I not go to see my son?  I haven't seen my son since October and would really like to go regardless but I don't want my fiance mad at me either.  I don't want to feel guilty and hear it from my fiance for who knows how long...
by on Feb. 29, 2008 at 4:38 PM
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Replies (1-5):
ky_phoenix
by on Feb. 29, 2008 at 4:43 PM
You have to put your son first, I would have to tell my man to just please understand that since he is going to be in the family it is not like he won't see him and meet him at some point. If you are going into your ex's home for the visit you have to respect him too. Now if you get to leave the home with your son then I see no reason why you should not take your man with you. Just not into the ex's home, But either way if you love your son don't put him 2nd to your fiance, he will remember that forever, trust me.
Everyday is a new beginning, so slow down and enjoy the important things in life.
evercass
by on Feb. 29, 2008 at 4:44 PM
He's your son!! Your fiance should get to meet him and be with you, but should also understand that you still want and need to see your son if he can't go with you.  Your child should come first IMO, and anyone you plan to be with should know that and be okay with it.  I don't know the background on your story, but is your sons father allowed to say who can be with you or not? 
sweetmissy_05
by on Feb. 29, 2008 at 4:46 PM
Thank you for the advice.  I will be going to my exe's house since he won't let me take my son out of his home (no visitation yet) and of course, would have to respect my exe's wishes since it's his house and that's my son's primary residence...I think my fiance is just worried that my ex will try to "get with me" or something (mind you, my fiance can be really insecure) and nothing ever happens between me and my ex and nothing will stand in the way because I love my fiance and he should trust me.  He tells me that if my ex won't let him come then he doesn't want me going but I agree with you, my son comes first and I want to see him.  If I don't see him then I'm going to be angry at my fiance and feel guilty for not seeing my son. 
Quoting ky_phoenix:

You have to put your son first, I would have to tell my man to just please understand that since he is going to be in the family it is not like he won't see him and meet him at some point. If you are going into your ex's home for the visit you have to respect him too. Now if you get to leave the home with your son then I see no reason why you should not take your man with you. Just not into the ex's home, But either way if you love your son don't put him 2nd to your fiance, he will remember that forever, trust me.
leahbeah143
by Member on Feb. 29, 2008 at 4:47 PM
You should go see your son anyways. Your fiance should understand and never make you choose between him and your son.
sweetmissy_05
by on Feb. 29, 2008 at 4:48 PM
My son's father has always been manipulative and controlling, when he found out my fiance and I got together he kept using my son against me because he was jealous that I was finally happy and with someone else..which it has been almost 2 years since my ex and I were together so IMO he should get over himself and move on. 
Quoting evercass:

He's your son!! Your fiance should get to meet him and be with you, but should also understand that you still want and need to see your son if he can't go with you.  Your child should come first IMO, and anyone you plan to be with should know that and be okay with it.  I don't know the background on your story, but is your sons father allowed to say who can be with you or not? 
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