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A New Daddy What do I do?

Posted by on Feb. 29, 2008 at 5:34 PM
  • 5 Replies
I have a 3 year old little girl  and i just got with someone who ive wanted to be with for 5 years and my daughter loves him to death but he just doesnt seem to understand the way i do things and the way i was raised. To me it seems hes trying to be to much of a dad to soon for her by disiplining her and scolding her at things i let her do all the time i let him no this but he still scolds her and i cant get him to stop he says its not right and i should teach her the right way of things.
 Another thing he doesnt understand is i was taught to let my child explore her body and let there curiosity subside over time, meaning she has found herself and touches her vagina, i let her do it but he says its wrong, i was always told let them find it now so they understand that its not bad but human to do it. he doesnt like the idea he says she will be having sex earlyer in life is this true should i make her stop and say no or let her keep doing it and what can i do about him doing this to my daughter? He wount listen no matter what i say.

                     ========~~~~~~Sarah~~~~~~========

                                      \~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/

                                                 

by on Feb. 29, 2008 at 5:34 PM
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Replies (1-5):
katykay
by on Feb. 29, 2008 at 5:37 PM

new daddy?  Isn't this a new boyfriend?  Maybe some of the confusion of his role is coming from how quickly you may be moving in the relationship.  

I  can understand you wanting your daughter to feel free enough to explore her body but it also makes sense to teach her about things you do in private not sitting on the couch.  Especially with a new man in your life.  I can understand how he may be a bit uncomfortable by this.

kaysha
by on Feb. 29, 2008 at 5:40 PM
It's time for you to put your foot down! You are the mommy, he's just mommys boyfriend. You know what is best for your daughter. If he was the father, it would be different, but he's not. He needs to back down and follow your rules. Now at the same time, I think it's okay to let your daughter learn about her body, but maybe it makes your boyfriend uncomfortable seeing her do it. So I think that you should only allow her to explore her body during bath time. As far as her having sex at a younger age because of you allowing her to explore her body, that is just a bunch of BULL! Ask your daughters doctor, and they will tell you the same thing!
jandyliz
by on Feb. 29, 2008 at 5:41 PM
If you are going to share parenting then you are going to have to compromise somewhere. Maybe he feels he can't do anything right? Or there again maybe it won't work for you together. Scolding a 3yr old is I think a bad thing to do unless the child is doing something really wrong or dangerous.
I have to say I'm not overly comfortable about the touching herself thing and I bet he isn't. It depends on what you mean of what she is doing - she must be taught privacy or people could get the wrong idea and think she has been sexualised.
My ex, and I stress ex, could not agree about parenting, Just as well as with his style he would never have survived the teenage years lol.
Jenia312
by on Feb. 29, 2008 at 6:24 PM

If he's living in the house with you and kids, I don't see why he shouldn't discipline the kids although he's not the biological father BUT he's a father figure.  If he puts his hands on the children, that would be a no-no and you don't need a man who abuses your kids either.  If he's trying to help out by participating in the children's lives including disciplining them, then you shouldn't get upset at him. 

It's not that easy when there's a step-anything involved.  You have to have patience.  As long as he's not abusing you or your children, allow him to get involve in parenting, chores, or activities with the kids. 

As far as the disagreement about your daughter touching or exploring herself, I'm sorry to have to say that he was right (in my opinion), not the part where he said she'll have sex earlier if she does that.  I have 4 kids (3 girls and a boy) and I wouldn't want to see any of my kids touch themselves.  I would have told them to quit.  Children have their whole lives to grow up and explore things when they're older.  I just don't think it's appropriate, at least not in my family. 

A child who touches herself/himself doesn't grow up to be any smarter or knows more than a child who doesn't do that.  Not all parents, cultures believe that it's ok to let a child touches himself/herself.  Some parents think it's ok to allow a child to continue that type of exploration but it really doesn't change a child's intelligence growing up. 

I would have to agree with your boyfriend/husband about that type of behavior being inappropriate.  I'm sure his upbringing and values were different from yours, that's why the both of you disagree on that.  She's your daughter and if you feel she's doing the right thing then it's up to you whether you allow her to continue with her behavior or not.  Not everyone has the same beliefs/values about things. 

My family and I have completely different values and beliefs.  My husband and I would catch a heart attack if our kids touch themselves that way. 

All in all, it's up to you as a parent.  Good luck!

busykids
by on Feb. 29, 2008 at 6:33 PM

Quoting Jenia312:

If he's living in the house with you and kids, I don't see why he shouldn't discipline the kids although he's not the biological father BUT he's a father figure.  If he puts his hands on the children, that would be a no-no and you don't need a man who abuses your kids either.  If he's trying to help out by participating in the children's lives including disciplining them, then you shouldn't get upset at him. 

It's not that easy when there's a step-anything involved.  You have to have patience.  As long as he's not abusing you or your children, allow him to get involve in parenting, chores, or activities with the kids. 

As far as the disagreement about your daughter touching or exploring herself, I'm sorry to have to say that he was right (in my opinion), not the part where he said she'll have sex earlier if she does that.  I have 4 kids (3 girls and a boy) and I wouldn't want to see any of my kids touch themselves.  I would have told them to quit.  Children have their whole lives to grow up and explore things when they're older.  I just don't think it's appropriate, at least not in my family. 

A child who touches herself/himself doesn't grow up to be any smarter or knows more than a child who doesn't do that.  Not all parents, cultures believe that it's ok to let a child touches himself/herself.  Some parents think it's ok to allow a child to continue that type of exploration but it really doesn't change a child's intelligence growing up. 

I would have to agree with your boyfriend/husband about that type of behavior being inappropriate.  I'm sure his upbringing and values were different from yours, that's why the both of you disagree on that.  She's your daughter and if you feel she's doing the right thing then it's up to you whether you allow her to continue with her behavior or not.  Not everyone has the same beliefs/values about things. 

My family and I have completely different values and beliefs.  My husband and I would catch a heart attack if our kids touch themselves that way. 

All in all, it's up to you as a parent.  Good luck!

you said it best!
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