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How do you know if a child has been molested

Posted by on Apr. 7, 2008 at 6:05 PM
  • 79 Replies
    I am a new step mother of a little girl that has been in the care of her mother up until March when we brought her here because her Mom did not want to take care of her teeth.  She ended up having 6 cavities and a couple so bad may not be able to fix :(  Anyway it is a long story.  In the process of fighting for custody of this 5 year old girl, we found out her Mom had been arrested for drug perepheniala (spelling), was a meth user, if now on a drug that has meth in it to try to get off meth but was prescribed to her for Adhd but also suffers from depression, she had a convicted child molester live with her for 4 months or so, and is also know for hanging out with convicted convicts.  She lives off of the state and has refused to work the last few years til we fought for custody, she got a job working with kids but of course lied and said she was never arrested for drugs and lied to 3 different people in 3 different interviews when her background check came back they found out about it and let her go.  She used to tell the little girl she was not hungry because everytime we would asked her if she wanted something to eat she would say her mommy said she was not hungry.  She has no self esteem and is always looking for approval, when we get her at first she cannot hardly eat anything but then after about a month or so she can put food away and she has lice everytime she comes to our house!!!!  Anyways, she is at a babysitters alot sometimes for weeks at a time and started to do some weird things the past few months.  She says she sleeps in between the babysitters husband and her.  She would play with her self and slap herself between the legs and when I saw her do that I asked her why she was doing it and she said that it felt good.  I asked her where she learned that and she said at the babysitters.  I told her we did not do that, that it was not appropriate and she said ok.  Then last night she climbed in bed with me and got really close to my face and put her arms around me and said "I want to make you feel like a woman and make you feel good"  she talks alot in her sleep and gets very aggitated also.  She does not like men to very much but ok with woman.  After she said that last night though I got really scared!!!  She is also into boys alot!!!!  I asked her if any man has every asked her to keep a secret and she said that they keep the secret not her???  I asked her if any one has touched her in her no no places - she said no???  I asked her why she said that to me last night and she said she tells her mommy that when she does not feel good.  I know her Dad and I do not talk that way and she does not watch that kind of  stuff on TV at our house but I am really really worried now!!!!!  Any advice, any ideas, am I just freaking out or what??  I love this little girl and I know she does not know alot of what is going on and it is so hard not to tell her about what her Mommy has done to her and that is something I have to deal with on a daily basis but I pray no one has hurt her.  If they have hurt her in that way I feel sorry for the one who did it!!!!  Please Please help  i cannot quit thinking about it
by on Apr. 7, 2008 at 6:05 PM
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by on Apr. 7, 2008 at 6:11 PM
I would talk to a prof and then see what she suggests, it sounds like something has happened,and ou may never know exactly what happened, but if you get her some help and talk to a doc that would prob be the best thing, that and continuing to love and care for her and keep her away from her mom and the people her mom puts her around...good luck
by on Apr. 7, 2008 at 6:15 PM
Oh...that made me sick to read.

First- take her for a full physical exam and to a child psychiatrist
Second if anything if found call the police immediately

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by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2008 at 6:16 PM
dude, take her to a shrink and use the report to keep that woman away from her. She has seriously messed up that kid. she doesnt deserve custody
-The Princess of Taco Bell
by on Apr. 7, 2008 at 6:16 PM
its hard to say cause all the warning signs to look out for she could also have becuase her mom was just a bad mother. i know if u talk to a dr they can tell by looking at her but it depends on how long ago it happened and how far he went. my daughter had issues with her area last yr and i was worried casue she had spent the weekend at her fathers, there is always tons of people in that house and i dont always know them all so we took her to the dr and he checked her out and said she didnt look touched so her issue was probaby cause he doesnt bath her either so she was dirty for awhile and it just itched alot and bothered her but ask them to look at her

My daughter has autism but she can laugh, cry, and love just like yours. she may never dress herself but she can go to college and become a dr.  she may never make friends her own age but shes my friend for life. and please if u ever get the chance to meet my daughter, stop looking at her like shes a brat, she cant help her stairs or attitudes u can help urs. get to close u might get bit but it wont give u autism. do yourself a favor look it up.  

by on Apr. 7, 2008 at 6:18 PM

Quoting brendansmom15:

I would talk to a prof and then see what she suggests, it sounds like something has happened,and ou may never know exactly what happened, but if you get her some help and talk to a doc that would prob be the best thing, that and continuing to love and care for her and keep her away from her mom and the people her mom puts her around...good luck

I agree. That is heartbreaking. Good luck and good for you for being the one who gives her a loving home. I hope to God she wasn't but like others have said the only way to find out is to take her to child psychologist.
by on Apr. 7, 2008 at 6:33 PM
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
listen, i think she has been molested.  Either that or they let her be in the room while they have sex or they may watch porn, etc.
 I have taken many child development classes and i am very much into psychology.  The signs she is giving you are signs of sexual abuse/harrasment.  This is very sad and it sickens me!!! I say you to her  to a professional who can get her help and SWITCH BABYSITTERS!!!!!!!!! i wouldnt let her go there any longer.... have you talked to her father?? how does he feel about it???? omg i cant imagine being in this situation but please dont let her go over there and get her some help.

i'll post some info i have see if it helps... good luck
by on Apr. 7, 2008 at 6:37 PM
To be honest there is not sure fire way to tell if she has been molested. But by the signs shes giving you it sound like she has been either exposed to that or someone has taken advatage of her. Im am truley sorry to hear that this is going on. My uncle molested my cousin(his daughter) and i for 3 years. Its horrible bc you dont know wrong from right, especially bc ur trust these people. Fight for her and get her out of that enviroment. Bc if she hasnt been raped or molested she will be. Her mom is putting her in that situation and when and if it happens that little girl will NEVER be the same. Just try and establish a relationship with her and gettin her to trust you is the most important thing to do. if something has happened shell tell you sooner or later. But i am truley sorry to hear this is happened to you. You are a very strong parent!
by on Apr. 7, 2008 at 6:46 PM
Wow poor little girl. I feel so bad for you and her. I would bring her to the pediatrican and explian all this. I would have them examine her too. It sounds very scarey and sounds like this poor girl has gone through a lot in her littl life. My friends dd was molested at 5 yrs old and she needed a lot of counciling and she became a very out of control little girl. I wish you the best of luck. But it sounds like the first step for her turning around is you!
by on Apr. 7, 2008 at 6:46 PM
Hi let me first say that you have cause for concern but let's not jump to the worst possible scenario 1st!   She has obviously been through a lot so I would put her in therapy immediately even if she hasn't  been molested!  She needs it. Secondly, take her to the pediatrician.  Get their opinion on her physical state.  Also please know that It is  normal for children to explore themselves and sexual touch. If she has touched herself she has probably felt all the sensations that we do as adults and is curious maybe??  Her being close and face to face with you making the comment about making you feel like a woman sounds to me like a line from a movie or TV show (maybe the Soaps or something like porn?)  She has certainly been exposed to something!!  I would however talk to her and make sure she understands no one can touch her privately and that if anyone did she could, and should, come and tell you!  I don't want to make light of the situation but the best thing you can do is get her in therapy and to the Ped ASAP.  If your fears are REAL you need to know sooner than later!  However, if your fears are not justified, you need to pull that energy out of the situation.  The gravity of this entire situation is very, very heavy and you don't want the history of it to cause you to be paranoid and over analyze!  Find out the truth ASAP so you and your family can have a CLEAR road-map for the days and years ahead.  Please post and let us know.  As a mom and someone who has been abused, I am praying for you!

Tywana Sutton

"I bake, Therefore I am..."

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude. --Denis Waitley


by on Apr. 7, 2008 at 7:09 PM
 Of Child Molestation

The younger the child, the more difficult it is to determine if your child has been or is being molested.  As a teenager, or even pre-teen, they may just blurt it out, but then you have the problem determining if the accusation was motivated by something other than molestation.  We've all heard of the false accusations that ruin the reputations of upstanding citizens.  So, how can you know if someone is victimizing your child?  Unless you witness it or someone admits can't!  Everything relies on your best guess based on the evidence you find.  Obviously, you need to have very strong suspicions before formally accusing someone and needlessly damaging their reputation.  A great tool to help you assess the possibility of molestation is the following Signs of Child Molestation produced by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.  Following the signs, we'll discuss some actions to take.

Signs of Sexual Exploitation in Children: Parents, grandparents, and guardians should be aware of the signs noted below that could indicate your child has been sexually molested. You should note that some of these behaviors may have other explanations, but it is important to assist your child no matter what the cause of these symptoms or behaviors.

  • Changes in behavior, extreme mood swings, withdrawal, fearfulness, and excessive crying
  • Bed-wetting, nightmares, fear of going to bed, or other sleep disturbances
  • Acting out inappropriate sexual activity or showing an unusual interest in sexual matters
  • A sudden acting out of feelings or aggressive or rebellious behavior
  • Regression to infantile behavior; clinging
  • School or behavioral problems
  • Changes in toilet-training habits
  • A fear of certain places, people, or activities
  • Bruises, rashes, cuts, limping, multiple or poorly explained injuries
  • Pain, itching, bleeding, fluid, or rawness in the private areas
If you observe any of these behaviors, talk to your child about the causes. Behavioral changes such as these may be due to causes other than sexual exploitation such as a medical, family, or school problem. Also keep in mind that sometimes children do not always demonstrate obvious signs such as these but may do or say something that hints at the exploitation.
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