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My husband keep letting his mother/ family disrespect me.......

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2008 at 8:15 PM
  • 25 Replies

I don't understand why my husband can't stand up to his family especially his mother.

My story:


My husband and I have been going to marriage counseling. Which didn't help him at all. It went into one ear and out the other on his end.


We suppose to have got insurance on each other but like always my husband didn't follow through on his end. I have my insurance set up for him and the kids but he don't have insurance set up for himself for the kids and I just in-case something may happen to him. Wonder why ladies because of the advice he has been getting from his mother.



Lately we have been in silence. He do not call his mother around me which I think is stupid because I don't want him to choose between his mother and I. For two months now he haven't spoken to her on the phone around me. Remind you she lives in Ohio.



The day before Father's Day his family sent him a card in the mail it says " Happy First Father's Day" and they put $5 in the card and said " James take yourself out to lunch". My youngest son is his biological child. I have a 9yr and 5yr whom has been calling him daddy for the last 6years. Clearly, it is not his FIRST FATHER"S DAY... I was pisted off because why send only $5! we are a family $5 cant feed us all and THIS YEAR WAS NOT HIS FIRST FATHER"S DAY!


This what really cut the cake. My husband has a family reunion is this weekend in Ohio His mother said your wife and her two kids are not welcome in my home. But Elijah and  you are....


I was angry because when they came down year last month even though we wasn't on the best of terms I let her stay in my house, and I cooked.


I am more so mad at my husband because til this day he can not put his foot down when it comes to his family disrespecting me. Ladies you know what he is still going to Ohio.


My children including Elijah are NOT going because I will not have anyone single out my children.


I am seriously thinking about getting a divorce because this have been going on way too long.


In my opinion my husband do not respect me along because if he did he would put his foot down.


Ladies what you do think about this? I need your advice.




God Bless
by on Jun. 26, 2008 at 8:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
crowned_mom
by on Jun. 26, 2008 at 8:21 PM
first of all i am really sorry to hear about this. there is nohting worse then in-laws that dont respect you or a husband that wont back you up. if you have tried marriage counseling and that has not worked then i really think you should re-think this one. is this worth it? btw. your husband going to ohio after what his mother said is beyond disrespectful. it is a slap in the face to you and your children. have you tried telling your MIL that what she does is wrong and that you won't stand for it? obviously you have told your dh since you have been to marriage counseling. sounds like its time to re-evauluate your marriage and decide whether to leave or stay. good luck!

also. your MIL and dh need to get their heads out of their asses! tell them to do that and call you in the morning.
SarahMelvin86
by on Jun. 26, 2008 at 8:22 PM
I'm lucky enough to have a bad ass mother in law, but even if I didn't, I don't think I would let her disrespect me. Yes, it's my husband's job to be the middle man once and a while, but there comes a point when I would have to step in and stand up for myself, and my family, (kinda like not sending one kid and not the whole family to the reunion. He married into your family, therefore you and your children are his family)
As for the card... Don't worry! $5 isn't enough to take one person to lunch either! lol.
Now, on the other hand.... your husband may very well love your kids as his own, and had lots of father's day's with them, but it is different when it's your biological kid. Not that his family was right, but it does change things a little.

dosthepost
by on Jun. 26, 2008 at 8:25 PM
IF THEY ARE DISRESPECTING YOU THEN YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!!! THEY ARE PUSHING YOU AROUND... DISRESPECTING YOU!!! THAT IS A STUPID THING TO GET A DIVORCE OVER... YOU HAVE TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND STOP ACTING LIKE HE OWES YOU SOMETHING... IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS FAMILY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. STOP SITTING THERE AND LETTING HIM TAKE THE BLAME FOR IT. THAT'S JUST PLAIN FREAKIN IGNORANT.... WHAT, YOU GET TO SIT AROUND WHILE HE DOES ALL THE DIRTY WORK? HE SHOULD STAND UP FOR YOU, BUT SOME MEN ARE PUSSYS AND WE JUST HAVE TO GET OVER IT! TALK TO HIM... THE REUNION THING IS STUPID, I'LL GIVE YOU THAT, BUT IF THAT IS THEIR FIRST GRANDCHILD THEN THEM SENDING HIM A FIRST FATHERS DAY CARD IS NOT SOMETHING TO GET ALL PISSY ABOUT.

BOTTOM LINE, HE'S NOT GOING TO "CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU AND HIS MOTHER" SO YOU NEED TO JUST GET OVER THAT. YOU NEED TO START WORKING ON AND WORRYING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM INSTEAD OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS MOTHER.... MUCH LESS HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS MOTHER.

WOMEN WANT EQUAL RIGHTS, BUT THEY STILL WANT MEN TO FIGHT THEIR BATTLES... WONDER WHY WE STILL HAVE LESS PAY AND CRAP LIKE THAT? CUZ WE RELY ON THEM TO FIGHT OUR BATTLES... WHEN WE "MAN" UP AND START TO HANDLE OUR OWN PROBLEMS, MAYBE WE'LL SEE PROGRESS.


btw, i know what i'm talking about. i have a bitch of a manipulating mother in law too... i just handle her myself... i don't force dh to step in the middle and ruin his relationship with her just because i can't get along with her. that's just stupid... AND I WOULD NEVER TELL HIM TO PICK BETWEEN HIS MOTHER AND ME...
jessie510
by on Jun. 26, 2008 at 8:46 PM

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW IS A BITCH AND YOUR HUSBAND IS A BIT OF A PUSSY,SORRY FOR BEING SO BLUNT!! BUT I DO THINK YOU NEED TO TAKE THINGS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS,I DO UNDERSTAND THE PART ABOUT HER SINGLING OUT YOUR CHILDREN.I THINK SHE IS AN ASS FOR BRINGING IN INNOCENT CHILDREN INTO YOUR FUED WITH EACHOTHER.WHETHER THEY ARE HER BIOLOGICAL GRANDCHILDREN OR NOT THEY ARE BEING RAISED BY HER SON....BUT THAT IS HIS MOTHER AND ALWAYS WILL BE,BITCH OR NOT.SO MY ADVICE IS TO CONFRONT HER FACE TO FACE,DON'T WAIT FOR YOUR HUSBAND TO DO IT,DO IT YOURSELF.EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS.DON'T GIVE UP ON YOUR MARRIAGE FOR ANY OTHER REASON BESIDES  WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR HOME.

cjsmom1
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2008 at 8:52 PM
You should tell your husband exactly how you feel about tis, And his mother.  You're right for not letting any of your sons go there.  Like you sad if all of them can't go then none should.  Why doesn't she want you or your kids in her house? That's just wrong and could cause problems when the boys get older. What does your husband say about all this?
Elizabeth1837
by on Jun. 26, 2008 at 9:00 PM
wooooooo hold your horses!


First and foremost this is not the first time that his mother and I have got into it. I have been taking up for myself since the day we got married. Which was a year and a month ago.


I shouldnt have to defend myself all the time. It is time for him to set bounderies and put his foot down.

His mother and I do not have to have a friendship nor relationship it all about RESPECTING each other. I am always defending myself to his mother.

I am not asking him to choose between me and his mother. He dont have to! he need to learn the difference between his WIFE and his Mother.


Yes! he do owe me something.. To put his mother in line in a respectful nice way.


If your MIL disrespect you and you keep having to defend yourself obviously as you and I can see it's not working. It is time for your husband to step in and draw the line.

Its time for  them both to STEP in....

Thanks for the comment
Quoting dosthepost:

IF THEY ARE DISRESPECTING YOU THEN YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!!! THEY ARE PUSHING YOU AROUND... DISRESPECTING YOU!!! THAT IS A STUPID THING TO GET A DIVORCE OVER... YOU HAVE TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND STOP ACTING LIKE HE OWES YOU SOMETHING... IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS FAMILY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. STOP SITTING THERE AND LETTING HIM TAKE THE BLAME FOR IT. THAT'S JUST PLAIN FREAKIN IGNORANT.... WHAT, YOU GET TO SIT AROUND WHILE HE DOES ALL THE DIRTY WORK? HE SHOULD STAND UP FOR YOU, BUT SOME MEN ARE PUSSYS AND WE JUST HAVE TO GET OVER IT! TALK TO HIM... THE REUNION THING IS STUPID, I'LL GIVE YOU THAT, BUT IF THAT IS THEIR FIRST GRANDCHILD THEN THEM SENDING HIM A FIRST FATHERS DAY CARD IS NOT SOMETHING TO GET ALL PISSY ABOUT.

BOTTOM LINE, HE'S NOT GOING TO "CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU AND HIS MOTHER" SO YOU NEED TO JUST GET OVER THAT. YOU NEED TO START WORKING ON AND WORRYING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM INSTEAD OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS MOTHER.... MUCH LESS HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS MOTHER.

WOMEN WANT EQUAL RIGHTS, BUT THEY STILL WANT MEN TO FIGHT THEIR BATTLES... WONDER WHY WE STILL HAVE LESS PAY AND CRAP LIKE THAT? CUZ WE RELY ON THEM TO FIGHT OUR BATTLES... WHEN WE "MAN" UP AND START TO HANDLE OUR OWN PROBLEMS, MAYBE WE'LL SEE PROGRESS.


btw, i know what i'm talking about. i have a bitch of a manipulating mother in law too... i just handle her myself... i don't force dh to step in the middle and ruin his relationship with her just because i can't get along with her. that's just stupid... AND I WOULD NEVER TELL HIM TO PICK BETWEEN HIS MOTHER AND ME...
God Bless
kngarber
by on Jun. 26, 2008 at 9:04 PM
"This what really cut the cake. My husband has a family reunion is this weekend in Ohio His mother said your wife and her two kids are not welcome in my home. But Elijah and  you are...."

WHAT A DUMB BITCH!  That is just purely evil.  WHO DOES THAT??  I am so sorry you are having to go through this!

I don't really have advice in this arena.  The only time I had issues with a SO mother not liking me we ended up breaking up because I was certain when no one was around she still wiped his ass.  Ugh. 

I wish you the best of luck.  **HUGS**

Are you a single woman and a single mom?  If so please join our group:

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Are you sick of the same old questions in all of your groups?  Then join my Group "No More Annoying Question"!  No more questions about BC or could I pregnant!  

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dosthepost
by on Jun. 26, 2008 at 9:05 PM
NO, ACTUALLY I WAS WOMAN ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH IT THE FIRST TIME. MY MIL NOW SHOWS UTTER RESPECT FOR ME. HOW BOUT THIS... IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HIS MOTHER DOES! NO RULE OR LAW SAYS THAT YOU HAVE TO RESPECT HER OR VISA VERSA... NO LAW THAT SAYS SHE HAS TO LIKE OR GET ALONG WITH YOU. YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH YOUR HUSBAND, NOT THE MIL. YOU NEED TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT HER, AND CONCENTRATE ON YOUR MARRIAGE.

DON'T TELL ME WHAT MY HUSBAND NEEDS TO DO. MY MARRIAGE IS GREAT. FROM THE SOUND OF IT, I DEFINETELY DON'T NEED TO TAKE MARRIAGE ADVICE FROM YOU.
Quoting Elizabeth1837:

wooooooo hold your horses!


First and foremost this is not the first time that his mother and I have got into it. I have been taking up for myself since the day we got married. Which was a year and a month ago.


I shouldnt have to defend myself all the time. It is time for him to set bounderies and put his foot down.

His mother and I do not have to have a friendship nor relationship it all about RESPECTING each other. I am always defending myself to his mother.

I am not asking him to choose between me and his mother. He dont have to! he need to learn the difference between his WIFE and his Mother.


Yes! he do owe me something.. To put his mother in line in a respectful nice way.


If you MIL disrespect you and you keep having to defend yourself obviously as you and I can see it's not working. It is time for you husband to step in and draw the line.

Its time for  them both to STEP in....

Thanks for the comment
Quoting dosthepost:

IF THEY ARE DISRESPECTING YOU THEN YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!!! THEY ARE PUSHING YOU AROUND... DISRESPECTING YOU!!! THAT IS A STUPID THING TO GET A DIVORCE OVER... YOU HAVE TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND STOP ACTING LIKE HE OWES YOU SOMETHING... IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS FAMILY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. STOP SITTING THERE AND LETTING HIM TAKE THE BLAME FOR IT. THAT'S JUST PLAIN FREAKIN IGNORANT.... WHAT, YOU GET TO SIT AROUND WHILE HE DOES ALL THE DIRTY WORK? HE SHOULD STAND UP FOR YOU, BUT SOME MEN ARE PUSSYS AND WE JUST HAVE TO GET OVER IT! TALK TO HIM... THE REUNION THING IS STUPID, I'LL GIVE YOU THAT, BUT IF THAT IS THEIR FIRST GRANDCHILD THEN THEM SENDING HIM A FIRST FATHERS DAY CARD IS NOT SOMETHING TO GET ALL PISSY ABOUT.

BOTTOM LINE, HE'S NOT GOING TO "CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU AND HIS MOTHER" SO YOU NEED TO JUST GET OVER THAT. YOU NEED TO START WORKING ON AND WORRYING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM INSTEAD OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS MOTHER.... MUCH LESS HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS MOTHER.

WOMEN WANT EQUAL RIGHTS, BUT THEY STILL WANT MEN TO FIGHT THEIR BATTLES... WONDER WHY WE STILL HAVE LESS PAY AND CRAP LIKE THAT? CUZ WE RELY ON THEM TO FIGHT OUR BATTLES... WHEN WE "MAN" UP AND START TO HANDLE OUR OWN PROBLEMS, MAYBE WE'LL SEE PROGRESS.


btw, i know what i'm talking about. i have a bitch of a manipulating mother in law too... i just handle her myself... i don't force dh to step in the middle and ruin his relationship with her just because i can't get along with her. that's just stupid... AND I WOULD NEVER TELL HIM TO PICK BETWEEN HIS MOTHER AND ME...
angeldee
by on Jun. 26, 2008 at 9:07 PM
hate that, i had that too. my mother in law baby my ex that's why we got divorced. he listen to her not me the wife. you should talk with your hubby about how you feel. good luck
Elizabeth1837
by on Jun. 26, 2008 at 9:09 PM
Why are you getting sooo offensive?

I have taking it up with the both of them my husband and his mother.

Please don't comment on the post... I am not trying to get into an argument. I put up the post for advice not for bashing.

Its wonder that your marriage is going Great!

God Bless
Quoting dosthepost:

NO, ACTUALLY I WAS WOMAN ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH IT THE FIRST TIME. MY MIL NOW SHOWS UTTER RESPECT FOR ME. HOW BOUT THIS... IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HIS MOTHER DOES! NO RULE OR LAW SAYS THAT YOU HAVE TO RESPECT HER OR VISA VERSA... NO LAW THAT SAYS SHE HAS TO LIKE OR GET ALONG WITH YOU. YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH YOUR HUSBAND, NOT THE MIL. YOU NEED TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT HER, AND CONCENTRATE ON YOUR MARRIAGE.

DON'T TELL ME WHAT MY HUSBAND NEEDS TO DO. MY MARRIAGE IS GREAT. FROM THE SOUND OF IT, I DEFINETELY DON'T NEED TO TAKE MARRIAGE ADVICE FROM YOU.
Quoting Elizabeth1837:

wooooooo hold your horses!


First and foremost this is not the first time that his mother and I have got into it. I have been taking up for myself since the day we got married. Which was a year and a month ago.


I shouldnt have to defend myself all the time. It is time for him to set bounderies and put his foot down.

His mother and I do not have to have a friendship nor relationship it all about RESPECTING each other. I am always defending myself to his mother.

I am not asking him to choose between me and his mother. He dont have to! he need to learn the difference between his WIFE and his Mother.


Yes! he do owe me something.. To put his mother in line in a respectful nice way.


If you MIL disrespect you and you keep having to defend yourself obviously as you and I can see it's not working. It is time for you husband to step in and draw the line.

Its time for  them both to STEP in....

Thanks for the comment
Quoting dosthepost:

IF THEY ARE DISRESPECTING YOU THEN YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!!! THEY ARE PUSHING YOU AROUND... DISRESPECTING YOU!!! THAT IS A STUPID THING TO GET A DIVORCE OVER... YOU HAVE TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND STOP ACTING LIKE HE OWES YOU SOMETHING... IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS FAMILY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. STOP SITTING THERE AND LETTING HIM TAKE THE BLAME FOR IT. THAT'S JUST PLAIN FREAKIN IGNORANT.... WHAT, YOU GET TO SIT AROUND WHILE HE DOES ALL THE DIRTY WORK? HE SHOULD STAND UP FOR YOU, BUT SOME MEN ARE PUSSYS AND WE JUST HAVE TO GET OVER IT! TALK TO HIM... THE REUNION THING IS STUPID, I'LL GIVE YOU THAT, BUT IF THAT IS THEIR FIRST GRANDCHILD THEN THEM SENDING HIM A FIRST FATHERS DAY CARD IS NOT SOMETHING TO GET ALL PISSY ABOUT.

BOTTOM LINE, HE'S NOT GOING TO "CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU AND HIS MOTHER" SO YOU NEED TO JUST GET OVER THAT. YOU NEED TO START WORKING ON AND WORRYING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM INSTEAD OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS MOTHER.... MUCH LESS HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS MOTHER.

WOMEN WANT EQUAL RIGHTS, BUT THEY STILL WANT MEN TO FIGHT THEIR BATTLES... WONDER WHY WE STILL HAVE LESS PAY AND CRAP LIKE THAT? CUZ WE RELY ON THEM TO FIGHT OUR BATTLES... WHEN WE "MAN" UP AND START TO HANDLE OUR OWN PROBLEMS, MAYBE WE'LL SEE PROGRESS.


btw, i know what i'm talking about. i have a bitch of a manipulating mother in law too... i just handle her myself... i don't force dh to step in the middle and ruin his relationship with her just because i can't get along with her. that's just stupid... AND I WOULD NEVER TELL HIM TO PICK BETWEEN HIS MOTHER AND ME...
God Bless
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