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I dont know how muchmore i can take!!

Posted by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 10:27 AM
  • 14 Replies

Ok  im probably going to sound like a bad mom but i need help... My son is 15months OOO GOD... Well he is constantly throwing fits to the pt that im going to snap.. He screams and hits me and everything...I try telling him in a firm voice that dont work i try yelling that doesnt work so i spank him and he cries .. I feel horrible spanking him but im like what the F*ck.. He doesnt listen when i spank him i get his attention but he flintches now like im gunna hit him when i yell i feel horrible ... O i tried time out too that dont work he'll scream and cry and when i take him out he continues.. WHAT DO I DO.. My  hubby says i made himthat way i dont agree... Yesterday i cried bc i could take it anymore.. We went shopping and all he did was have a fit the whole time.. People kept staring i was mortified!! What  do i do..?? I dont want to spank him but when he hits me i hit him back.... please Help!!  How long does this stage last?

by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 10:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
prestonjohn
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 10:32 AM

well whhen he hits you an you hit him back you are only telling him its ok to hit,,try taking his hand and telling him we dont hit ppl...also when he is pitching a fit dont yell or anything alls that is doing is showing him that what he is doing is getting your attention...just walk away and ignore him..i know all this is easier said than done as my reactions are the same as what you are doing but im trying to do the ideas that i mentioned here also,,btw my son  is 14 months

WifeandMommy06
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 10:38 AM

Good advice..  I put my DD in her room and let her cry it out.. If she comes out I put her right back in and she learned to stay in there until she was done with her fits.  She knows what time out is because she gets out i put her right back in and tell her she can come out when is stops crying and throwing a fit.

Best of luck

Quoting prestonjohn:

well whhen he hits you an you hit him back you are only telling him its ok to hit,,try taking his hand and telling him we dont hit ppl...also when he is pitching a fit dont yell or anything alls that is doing is showing him that what he is doing is getting your attention...just walk away and ignore him..i know all this is easier said than done as my reactions are the same as what you are doing but im trying to do the ideas that i mentioned here also,,btw my son  is 14 months


robe739
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 10:41 AM

He hits & you hit back!

He yells & you yell back!

He gets frustrated & throws a tantrum & he sees that he frustrates you & you "throw a tantrum"! 

I know it's a tough situation mama!  BELIEVE ME.....  I've been there!  As long as you keep letting him act like that, HE WILL & the "stage" will never end!  You'll have a 6 year old who throws the same kinda tantrum!  (I had one of those!)  I've learned that THE ONLY THING THAT WORKS with my dd (who is 9 years old & STILL acts that way) Is to ignore her!  I don't yell, I don't hit & I sure as heck NEVER let her know that she has "gotten to me".  I act as if it isn't happening & talk VERY quietly to her & in my VERY NICE & quiet voice, I send her to her room & she WILL NOT come out until her tantrum is over with!  Sometimes she will be in her room for up to 3 hours!  The thing is.....  SHE chooses how long the time out will last!  If she can not calm herself down, the time-out continues! 

While she is in time out, I DO NOT pay her any attention!  If she is in her own room & breaks something (that belongs to her anyways)  I DON'T CARE!  She's just punishing herself!  It's hard to do, because 99% of the time i'd really like to just "scare" her into listening, by showing her WHO is more powerful during these power struggles, but I get nowhere with it!  I just have to stiuck to my guns & keep my calm & pretty much let her punish herself! 

If I was you, i'd put him in his room & nicely tell him that he CAN NOT come out until he calms himself down!  Wehn he calms down, explain to him that throwing a tantrum DOES NOT get him what he wants, all it gets him is in trouble!  Be consistant with it & the tantrums will slowly go away!  Good luck mama!

 

Mom2Kylie2708
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 10:43 AM

If you hit back it isnt telling not to hit, your saying it is ok to hit. As for time out, ofcourse there will be crying, just hold the door and let it be cried out. dont do too long for a 15 month old though...do about 5 minutes tops. And keep doing it, it will teach a lesson.

tjimenez112806
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 10:44 AM

will he understand what i am saying to him? How about when we are out what am i supposed to do then?

Quoting robe739:

He hits & you hit back!

He yells & you yell back!

He gets frustrated & throws a tantrum & he sees that he frustrates you & you "throw a tantrum"! 

I know it's a tough situation mama!  BELIEVE ME.....  I've been there!  As long as you keep letting him act like that, HE WILL & the "stage" will never end!  You'll have a 6 year old who throws the same kinda tantrum!  (I had one of those!)  I've learned that THE ONLY THING THAT WORKS with my dd (who is 9 years old & STILL acts that way) Is to ignore her!  I don't yell, I don't hit & I sure as heck NEVER let her know that she has "gotten to me".  I act as if it isn't happening & talk VERY quietly to her & in my VERY NICE & quiet voice, I send her to her room & she WILL NOT come out until her tantrum is over with!  Sometimes she will be in her room for up to 3 hours!  The thing is.....  SHE chooses how long the time out will last!  If she can not calm herself down, the time-out continues! 

While she is in time out, I DO NOT pay her any attention!  If she is in her own room & breaks something (that belongs to her anyways)  I DON'T CARE!  She's just punishing herself!  It's hard to do, because 99% of the time i'd really like to just "scare" her into listening, by showing her WHO is more powerful during these power struggles, but I get nowhere with it!  I just have to stiuck to my guns & keep my calm & pretty much let her punish herself! 

If I was you, i'd put him in his room & nicely tell him that he CAN NOT come out until he calms himself down!  Wehn he calms down, explain to him that throwing a tantrum DOES NOT get him what he wants, all it gets him is in trouble!  Be consistant with it & the tantrums will slowly go away!  Good luck mama!

 


tjimenez112806
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 10:47 AM

i dont want people to think i am a bad mom i absolutly adore my son... He is my world i love him more then i could ever express.. he just gets me soo fustrated

robe739
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 10:49 AM

At 15 months old, he ABSOLUTELY will know what you are saying!  He understands NO!  & will take the lead from the calm way that you are responding!  As far as being in public.  Use the SAME "calm & nice" way of speaking with him.  You can be calm & FIRM at the same time!  If you are consistant with it at home, than in public, it should come much easier!  It won't happen overnight, but it will get better if you stay consistant!

robe739
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 10:50 AM

Nobody's is judging you mama!  We ALL have times like this with our kids!  If anyone DOESN'T understand your frustration, than that person hasn't been a mother for long enough!  LOL!

Quoting tjimenez112806:

i dont want people to think i am a bad mom i absolutly adore my son... He is my world i love him more then i could ever express.. he just gets me soo fustrated


portakolis08
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 10:55 AM

I am not much into spanking..I admit Christopher, will get a smack on his behind if he does things like run out into the street..or seriously hurts another child....I personally think though in your situation- spanking does nothing but show him how angry you are....it does not correct his behavior. Kids that young have a really hard time pairing two things together. What he needs to learn is ---"meltdown" equals consequence...Pick one unpleasant consequence and stick to it each and every time.

 hitting should equal a  consequence

Screaming equals getting ignored 

Tantrums equal going to bed

Hitting others equals getting removed from their presence

Throwing food = not eating until calm and he "helps" pick up the food

By doing that he pairs action with consequence

Good Behavior should equal a good consequence too!!!

what you are going to have to do is become the drill sergeant of a mother..but a benevolent drill sergeant.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

tylersmom8905
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 10:55 AM

I am going through the same thing and my son is 3!!!!  He has me crying more this weekend than not!!  I am at my wits end with this boy!!!  Good luck and I hope it gets better for you

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