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HELP! I need some nanny advice

Posted by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:20 PM
  • 16 Replies

Well, where do I start?  I have had the same lady watching my kids at my home for over 4 years now.  My son is 4.5 and my daughter is 21 months.  She is a great lady, has 3 kids of her own and married.  My problem is I think that I'm too generous with her and she takes advantage of me.  I pay her very well, pay her sick time, vacations, gives her things and am very generous with her family!  We are very neat and like things a certain way and I like my family to eat healthy and expect her to play with my kids, go play with them outside, etc.  Well, I feel and I always have felt that she is a great lady, good to my kids but lazy.  Everytime I see her she's sitting down on my couch, outside on the swing, etc.  She's a little heavy set and it's hard for her to sit on the floor and play easy but that's not my problem, right? 

Well, here's where it starts...Sept. I started my son in preschool 3 days a week and my husband and I work very hard and stressful jobs and sometimes we have appts on the weekends.  Well I told her since my son is in school and I know she only has 1 child 3 days a week could she please help me around the house a little bit instead of cutting her pay.  Nothing big\

\ right?  Vacuum, dust, sweep, mop a little laundry,etc.  Not everyday but I expect toys picked up and my house a little straighted up when I come home.  Well lately nothing has been done and my son told me that all she does all day is sit on the couch and watch tv.  He said her job is to sit and relax.  I am almost losing it.  I can't afford to lose her, my children love her but I need help.  I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I am not a confrontational person.  I need her to help me out and play with my kids more and not keep them in front of the tv all day and just make them pbj sandwiches everyday or go to McD's.  How do I go about talking to her and telling her how I feel without making her mad but getting my point across?

by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
hionlife
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:23 PM

Oh wow I would not even know where to start. Good luck, I agree if you pay her well and all, then it is perfectly fine for you to have expectations of her.

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MAyers
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:26 PM

I think that you will make her mad no matter how you approach her. I would just sit her down and tell her how you feel, I'm not confrontational either except when it comes to my children. You need to just sit her down and tell her how you feel, you're trusting this woman to watch and care for your children while you are away. I'd just simply tell her that she needs to do as  you say or you will be looking for someone new. Good Luck.

babyblujems
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:27 PM

Where you from I'll be your nanny...Lol but seriously she should help some at least.  Did you explain to her about everything?  Maybe try to I dunno unplug the tv or something? 

 

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pamelam20
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:27 PM

When I was a nanny I always helped with laundry, vacuuming etc. and that was with 3 kids. I think you should have a talk with her about what she is expected to do and if you still hear she is lying around cut her pay or try to find someone new. Maybe have t.v. off limits during the day? Like unplug it or hide the remote so she gets the idea? Good luck :)

sk_tennyson
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:28 PM

I was a nanny myself. If you feel she is not doing enough for the amount you are paying her then you need to tell her. It is an employer/employee relationship. You can give her a list of things to be done on certain days of the week and tell her that you need her to do them or she can expect a cut in pay. A good nanny will accept this. If she gets angry about it or continues to not do her job then you really do need to find a new nanny (www.gonannies.com is a great website for finding one if the need arises). Being heavyset is no excuse. I was 9 months pregnant watching kids ages 2, 6, and 9 six days a week and at least 12 hours a day. Its a job and she needs to treat it like any other job. I don't think she understands what a generous employer you are btw.

Again, if she get's mad about it then find a new nanny. This is a job and you are her boss.

 


 
 

proudmommytoOJ
by Silver Member on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:31 PM
I would worry more about my kids' well being than her, to be honest. if you are paying her, then you are the one who sets the rules, no other way around it. you are her boss and you need to tell her straight up, I mean, not in a harsh way, but you need to sit down with her and tell her that you are paying her x amount of money and you expect her to do so and so. if she can't go by the rules, then she needs to be fired. there are lots of ladies out there who are starving for jobs and could probably make you feel better. about the cleaning, this you have to negotiate with her, I don't know how much you are paying her, but she might feel that she is being paid to babysit but not to be your housekeeper, so its a delicate subject. I had an awesome babysitter, but I will take the kid to her house, I used to negotiate with her a lot, for example, one week, I took the kid four days instead of five, but next week, she watched the baby for extra hours and that' how we made up. sometimes, if I only took him four days, I will still pay her for 5 days but then expect her not to charge me extra If I left the kid extra hours. all this worked great for us., I wished I still had her around but I moved out and she is too far now. :-(
canagirl95
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:32 PM

if the above suggestions don't work, take her aside & tell her that since your elder child is now in preschool & she has chosen not to help out a little more around the house, you're gonna have to reduce her paycheck by whatever amount (I would take into consideration what tuition is and what a house keeper would be and find a figure you believe is fair).  Thank goodness she hasn't discovered CafeMom or your younger child may never see her... speaking of, I lost my kids! Anyway, hope that helps

LoveMyBugs
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:32 PM

Perhaps you should explain to her that the household things need to be done and if she cannot/will not do them than you need the extra money to pay a housekeeper. Cut her pay, either she'll "man up" or she'll take issue with it. Either way, if you want those things to be done than you need to stand up to her. She may be mad but look at it this way either you get a clean house and a mad Nanny for a short time. Or you get a dirty house, unhealthy children and an overpaid Nanny? I think it's just up to you to pick the scenario you like more!

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Elizabeth1015
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:49 PM

I like this idea best out of all the suggestions.  This is very real and very straight forward.  I'm also a nanny, a very heavyset nanny!  I know how easy it is to just sit around all day and let the kids play while you relax...I've had my days!  But it should not be everyday!! 

I think what you're asking of her is VERY reasonable.  I keep 4 children age 4 and under and I find time to load the dishwasher, finish up the kid's laundry, and clean and organize their toys.  I don't just throw everything in a toy box, we actually have a organizational system going and it takes work to keep it neat!  So she definitly is capable of doing this!!

She absolutely SHOULD be doing a list of chores on the days when she only has 1 child....piece of cake!  There's no excuse not to have your house in order by the time you get home.  It's what you hired her for and she should respect that.  She is taking advantage of you and you have to stop her now before it goes too far.

Quoting LoveMyBugs:

Perhaps you should explain to her that the household things need to be done and if she cannot/will not do them than you need the extra money to pay a housekeeper. Cut her pay, either she'll "man up" or she'll take issue with it. Either way, if you want those things to be done than you need to stand up to her. She may be mad but look at it this way either you get a clean house and a mad Nanny for a short time. Or you get a dirty house, unhealthy children and an overpaid Nanny? I think it's just up to you to pick the scenario you like more!


tonyalita
by on Jan. 4, 2009 at 9:50 AM

Thank you...I think I have my work cut out for me this week.  I am hoping to speak with her on Monday.

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