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i am so lost i don't know what to do!

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 2:38 PM
  • 11 Replies

 well i feel like me and my fiance are drifting apart, we never have time to ourselves because we are always doing things for other people, he is always watching his sisters kids and me and him never get a break unless my mom watches my son, everytime me and my fiance plan to do something alone someone always shows up and we end up having to stop what we are doing. he lost his job two weeks ago had an interview no luck. i really want to go on a date with him. he watched his sisters kids last night so they could go to a movie and he cleaned the house for them because when they got back his brother in law planned a romantic evening for themselves(i was thinking when is it my turn?). urgh i know if i talk to him about it he will act like i am being selfish well its kinda hard not to. my fiance is always putting everyone before me. i already told him that its not going to be like that when we get married. its just NOT FAIR. ok i am done venting now! anyone have any advice?

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 2:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
milmiracle
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 2:41 PM

U having all these problems and still plan on marrying, that's just crazy.  Problems have a way of getting worse and this one sounds like one of those.  Good Luck. 

Ladybug8412
by Bronze Member on Jan. 21, 2009 at 2:41 PM

Just a tiny tidbit of advice, DON'T expect him to change after marriage!  You'll be setting yourself up for some severe disappointment.

MAyers
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 2:50 PM

I know how you feel. Noone will watch our children. Maybe talk to your future sister in law and see if she'll watch your son so you and your fiance can go out or even stay in and you can make him something to eat and watch a movie. Put a note on your door if you decided to stay home saying that you're having a date and they can call tomorrow. hope this helps.

Littlebaer
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 2:53 PM

i forgot to add his sister is always suckering him in to watching the kids she makes him feel bad so he will do it. it pisses him off too. i think it will change once me and him get our own place because we will busy with our own lives. i dont mind watching her kids once and awhile but its affecting our relationship. i am best friends with his sister and i don't want to cause a fight and i have talked to her about me and him not being able to spend time together. she does try to have us be alone thats some of the reason why i don't mind babysitting with my fiance. but i would like to go out on a date with him. i am going to talk to him tonight about everything because it is really upsetting me. i asked him if i was pushing him away he said no. i am starting to think he is taking his losing his job out on me. he is really down about it because he has to support himself and his mom because his moms boyfriend is lazy and won't get a job. i want to move in there so i can help but that won't ever happen. i just think we need to get a place together. i am just really confused. i still want to marry him its just we need to figure thinks out. i am not going to leave him because we can't be alone i mean i have a son and my fiance is his father(not biological) thats going to happen alot. thats what happens when you have a child you don't get much alone time. i understand it. i just don'e want to lose him.

FoxyLady42
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 2:54 PM

I am feeling the same way you are. I just sat down and wrote a very long letter to mine about my feelings. And going to pick up a nice card and put it in it and give it to him tonight. Maybe if you just write everything down and give it too him, he would be more understanding by actually reading it on paper. Some men only have selective hearing when it comes to us ladies voicing our opinions or complaints to them. It seems a letter gets it across to them better because they have to actually read it and comprehend it. LOL...good luck. Hope this helps a little. I am trying it tonight.

Littlebaer
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 2:56 PM


Quoting MAyers:

I know how you feel. Noone will watch our children. Maybe talk to your future sister in law and see if she'll watch your son so you and your fiance can go out or even stay in and you can make him something to eat and watch a movie. Put a note on your door if you decided to stay home saying that you're having a date and they can call tomorrow. hope this helps.

thanks i will try that we had to get a hotel after christmas just so we could be alone his sister watched him for me she does do it sometimes but i always have to say i will watch your kids some other time just to get her to do it. we are getting a hotel for valentines day to. but we worked it our where we will watch her kids one night then she has to watch ours the next night. so its fair.

Littlebaer
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 2:57 PM

 

Quoting FoxyLady42:

I am feeling the same way you are. I just sat down and wrote a very long letter to mine about my feelings. And going to pick up a nice card and put it in it and give it to him tonight. Maybe if you just write everything down and give it too him, he would be more understanding by actually reading it on paper. Some men only have selective hearing when it comes to us ladies voicing our opinions or complaints to them. It seems a letter gets it across to them better because they have to actually read it and comprehend it. LOL...good luck. Hope this helps a little. I am trying it tonight.


thats a pretty good idea i think i will try it also! thanks!

FoxyLady42
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 2:59 PM


Quoting Littlebaer:

i forgot to add his sister is always suckering him in to watching the kids she makes him feel bad so he will do it. it pisses him off too. i think it will change once me and him get our own place because we will busy with our own lives. i dont mind watching her kids once and awhile but its affecting our relationship. i am best friends with his sister and i don't want to cause a fight and i have talked to her about me and him not being able to spend time together. she does try to have us be alone thats some of the reason why i don't mind babysitting with my fiance. but i would like to go out on a date with him. i am going to talk to him tonight about everything because it is really upsetting me. i asked him if i was pushing him away he said no. i am starting to think he is taking his losing his job out on me. he is really down about it because he has to support himself and his mom because his moms boyfriend is lazy and won't get a job. i want to move in there so i can help but that won't ever happen. i just think we need to get a place together. i am just really confused. i still want to marry him its just we need to figure thinks out. i am not going to leave him because we can't be alone i mean i have a son and my fiance is his father(not biological) thats going to happen alot. thats what happens when you have a child you don't get much alone time. i understand it. i just don'e want to lose him.

If you are planning a wedding, I think I would wait until he gets another job. He should be out there daily looking and putting applications in. And he should be thinking about setting you both up into your own place. Not living with relatives. He should not support his mother, he needs to put you first, you will be his wife. And he needs to support you. And as far as the babysitting goes, you need to take turns with the babysitting thing, they baby sit for you once in awhile and you will babysit for them once in awhile.

Littlebaer
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 3:04 PM


Quoting FoxyLady42:

 

Quoting Littlebaer:

i forgot to add his sister is always suckering him in to watching the kids she makes him feel bad so he will do it. it pisses him off too. i think it will change once me and him get our own place because we will busy with our own lives. i dont mind watching her kids once and awhile but its affecting our relationship. i am best friends with his sister and i don't want to cause a fight and i have talked to her about me and him not being able to spend time together. she does try to have us be alone thats some of the reason why i don't mind babysitting with my fiance. but i would like to go out on a date with him. i am going to talk to him tonight about everything because it is really upsetting me. i asked him if i was pushing him away he said no. i am starting to think he is taking his losing his job out on me. he is really down about it because he has to support himself and his mom because his moms boyfriend is lazy and won't get a job. i want to move in there so i can help but that won't ever happen. i just think we need to get a place together. i am just really confused. i still want to marry him its just we need to figure thinks out. i am not going to leave him because we can't be alone i mean i have a son and my fiance is his father(not biological) thats going to happen alot. thats what happens when you have a child you don't get much alone time. i understand it. i just don'e want to lose him.

If you are planning a wedding, I think I would wait until he gets another job. He should be out there daily looking and putting applications in. And he should be thinking about setting you both up into your own place. Not living with relatives. He should not support his mother, he needs to put you first, you will be his wife. And he needs to support you. And as far as the babysitting goes, you need to take turns with the babysitting thing, they baby sit for you once in awhile and you will babysit for them once in awhile.


thats what we are doing he has been looking nonstop for jobs he had an interview at a gas station but they still haven't called  him back for his 3rd interview. i think they are just messing with him or something. he was going to call him back i haven't talked to him since monday. i do agree with you about not living with relatives and that he needs to not support his mom her job doesn't make much thats why he is helping her out. i wouldn't care if his mom came to live with us but that might cause problems. i don't think his mom would move in with us anyway she likes living on her own. but her bf needs to get off his butt or she needs to dump him

Littlebaer
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 3:10 PM

bump

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