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Very Serious- I need advice!!

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:47 PM
  • 17 Replies

 Hello all,

I need advice please. My 7 yr. old daughter is out of control. She has these massive tantrums and hits, kicks, screams, cusses you out, and then the other day she went after her brother with a steak knife. I almost flipped out. Then yesterday i was at Big Lots pricing bunk beds and she couldnt get something and she threw a fit in the middle of the store-she walked up to me, hit me and called me a horror. I wanted to kill her, i was so embarrised. We then got in the car and i got after her telling her that she cannot do those things and she kicked me in the stomach. If any of you know me and my situation or have read my page you'll know that i'm really sick right now and i cant deal with this.  I have noone to help and i feel like i'm ready to lose my mind. I came home and cryed because i was so upset and i'm at a dead end with her. I've tryed grounding her, taking things away, talking it out and NOTHING works. She has grown up around physical and verbal abuse from my ex-husband but we have been gone from him for about 5mo. and i have tryed to provide a more calm and better world for them Someone please tell me what to do..

Thank you!!

by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:47 PM
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by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:51 PM

I'm no expert and I haven't had to deal with this--so this is just my opinion.

Maybe she's still adjusting from the situation with your ex, and still adjusting to living without him. Maybe this is her way of taking out her frustrations. Maybe you could try finding a child counselor for her--someone she can go to and feel comfortable talking to about anything and everything. I know, you've tried talking to her, but I'm sure there are probably things she's just not comfortable talking to you about for whatever reason. I really think an outside person might be what she needs.

Good luck.

by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:58 PM

wow..id never suggest you being physical, but maybe a good old fashioned whip on the butt might work-you know, a couple not to kill her, but to hurt her enough to stop. take away tv, everything-make her sit in her room with just a bed if you have to. you are her mommy and you dont deserve to be treated like that by your own daughter.

Kristyn..Mommy to Talon, Wife to a police officer/soldier named Mathew =)
margarita time

by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 10:00 PM

With mine when they wanna act like that...well they don't hit or kick or call me names...but when they get angry and wanna throw a fit they go their room alone until they stop it and they can't come out or play or have snacks or anything until they're ready to come out and talk about it nicely.

If they did hit or kick or call me names they'd get spanked and put in their bad corner for a loooong time. Not all parents spank, though, so if you don't you have to be more aggressive in your discipline and really make her know you mean it.

I also agree with the pp about a child counselor since you just left an abusive relationship. She could be having some kind of issues related to that, but not know how to get them out.

by Gold Member on Jan. 25, 2009 at 10:01 PM

What have you done to punish her ?? And personally, if my child had taken a knife to another child, the cops would of been called and her butt would be in to see a Dr ASAP ...... Take her to the Dr. A 7 yr old shouldnt lose control to rage like that.


Only half the patients who go into an abortion clinic come out alive. ~Author Unknown

If it isn't a baby, then you aren't pregnant, so what are you aborting? ~Author Unknown

by Gold Member on Jan. 25, 2009 at 10:01 PM

Try this book: Have a New Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman. It worked with my Ou of control 4yr old. Discusses both young and older children with a refrence guide to look up certain behaviors child is displaying. After telling a om about the book, she started a group here.

He also talks a lot about establishing that your the parent and techniques to show the child that you are needed. I would have walked off and left the store. She would have followed.

My DD had some not so nice experiences with her DF as well. It took time for her to feel secure and the book helped me be the parent in a clamming way. His suggestions work. Time to put the foot down on that behavior quick. She knows how you will react, change how you react and do not let her do the next thing she wants until she does what you have asked. Also look at why she may be doing certain behaviors. Being tired and grouchy after school is what I get a lot lately.

The knife thing is dangerous. Talk with her about it. It is to late to punish for that now. With my dd I had to do time out and for 3 second count she did not go or got out, I added a minute. She had like 30 min. one day, but now it is eaisy.  I also did a reward chart to help her feel proud of her actions. Maybe 1 week without hittting and she gets a reward. Really talk with her about how proud of her that she did not hit that week. If the result is always negative, then negative is what she will be. I grew up with negative, married a negative person and it was very hard to change my focus. I still suffer with it, I remind myself to praise myself and my children.

I wish you lots of luck and pray that things will get better for you.

by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 10:02 PM

ya she obvioulsy has some issues. i would take her to a children's counselor and see if they can find out whats going on with her by talking to her. otherwise you are just gonna have to get even harder on her. good luck.

by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 10:04 PM

I seriously think it's time for a good spanking. I'm only for spanking for very serious issues, but she's out of control, and she's going to get worse. She could hurt someone. She needs counseling. If she continues this way, you might want to think about one of those scared straight programs. But definitely try counseling first. Maybe get some for yourself too, to help you deal with her and whatever went down with your ex. Good luck.

by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 10:04 PM

Im sorry I have no advice for you, but I just wanted to say that I am sorry you are going thru this right now with your daughter. Our kids can do very embarassing things to us sometimes cant they? As hard as it is sometimes, Give Love Love Love. It sounds like she is very hurt about something, maybe your ex ? I hope things get better for you, sorry I dont have any words of wisdom.

by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 10:07 PM

I would be curious to see if she has outbursts like this at school.  I agree that she needs to see a child psychiatrist to help her learn to control her behavior.  It is not normal behavior for a child her age.  How long has she had these behaviors?

by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 10:08 PM

group hugFirst and foremost, you did the right thing by getting away from an abusive relationship. Now, your children are actually acting out some hostility, I think that you need to get her into some counseling. Is she acting out in abusinve ways at school? Speak with the counselor at school, and see if she can give you any advice, or leads to a private counselor to work with you as a family. I wish you well, and thanks for sharing such a personal issue.

Lady Bugs
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