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WHAT CAN I FREAKING DO??!?!?!

Posted by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 11:33 AM
  • 11 Replies

Ok, I've posted on here about this before, but now its getting worse.

My Brother in Law is 14 years old and is SUPPOSED to be in 8th grade. Well, he's not. Because of his anxiety, he doesn't want to go to school. So my MIL doesn't make him. He isn't enrolled ANYWHERE. He spends all day wtching his own T.V. and playing video games in his room. He has bad social skills and acts like a five year old in public. (ie. Pretending to be a ninja in the supermarket, being afraid to buy things because he doesn't want the cashier to look at him or talk to him.) She doesn't even bother to homeschool him and she will not make him start high school in the fall. She is enabling his anxiety to stay where it is and set him back FAR in life. The way he is going, he will always live at home and watch T.V. all day.

NOW

My Sister in law is 10. She is in the third grade and attends public school. My MIL is now letting HER stay home like her brother whenever she wants to. She is autistic and when she screams, they give her ANYTHING she wants. She controls the household with her screaming.She IS NOT fully potty trained. She wets her pants at least twice a day and wets the bed at night because she does not want to make the effort to use the toilet.

My MIL is NOT doing her children ANY favors. FIL works two jobs and isnt home enough to change anything. He would make them go to school, but MIL threatens him by saying she will call the police on him.

I guess my question is: what the heck can I do to help these kids?! I'm nice to them, I play games with them when I can, I used to help SIL with her homework all the time. I would make a complaint and make sure someone knew they were going to school, but then they would know it was me who made it (because everyone else in the family assumes he goes.) How do I get these kids to school?

 

by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 11:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Heather0816
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 11:37 AM

You have to do what is best for those children and if the MIL finding out you made the complaint and it causes issues then so be it. She is the one in the wrong, not you!

 


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littlemama9130
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 11:37 AM

There should be a number to call in your town for truancy. Any kids school age MUST be in school not matter what mom says. They either have to be home schooled, and have to show proof, or be attending an actual school. I would call your local police department or school board and they can give you the information. You should be able to leave an anonymous tip. MIL could think it may be someone in the neighborhood. Good Luck!

CoUrtNEyLeE
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 11:38 AM

oh wow! thats really hard but really these kids futures depend on what seems to be the only rational person actually involed in their lives! you! I would still make the call! Its gotta be really hard im sure but they need to go to school!

Rlambert6002
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 11:39 AM

Personally, I would report it to the school system. They will verify that they aren't students elsewhere and get the ball rolling to get these kids the help they need. I don't know of any state where it is legal to just keep your kids out unless you are homeschooling. I would let the people that I talked to know that I didn't want her to know that it was me that reported.....to be honest, sonce they have went some and just stop i am surprised the school hasn't been on her case already.  She is not doing her children any favors by doing what she is doing...you only have their best interests at heart so i wouldn't feel bad.


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Jillian
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 11:42 AM

I know in California they put parents in Jail of not having there kids go to school. Since the younger one in enrolled in school they should be contacting the authorities about her constant absences. I'd try looking for anxiety counseling for the 14yr old and offer that to the mother and i know there is a lot of info about kids with autism and ways to help them function. I'd maybe contact cps anonymously about the girl since the school could have contacted them and most likely then they will follow up with both of them. Sorry i can't help more it sounds like a mess in that house. I also don't understand what right the mother would have to call the police on the father for trying to make the kids go to school he should call on the mother for not making them go.

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mamahelvete
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 11:43 AM

Wow, that's hard. What does your husband think of all this? I do not think you should do too much because you have your own child/ren to think of and that should be your first priority. These kids would obviously be a bad influence on your child. I know there are a lot of people on here who do not like her, but I am curious to see what Dr Laura would say about something like this. Whatever you think about her, she is an advocate for children, so I suggest you call her radio show for advice. Persoanlly I have so much respect for her and I value her opinion. She might be able to help you.

NewSAHMto2
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 11:52 AM

If I read it right, you said your MIL would call the police if your FIL stayed home and made them go to school, but SHE would be the one in trouble for truancy. (well causing the truancy, obviously not her herself). Honestly, if this is going on and you know it it is your place for their well being to say something. Call the school, call the police. Those children are going to grow up so screwed up and uneducated because their mom basically doesn't give a crap. It'd be one thing if she was homeschooling and trying to help them, but letting them do nothing, and the poor girl isn't even potty trained at 10 years old yet? That's not ok. JMO

RUSTI44
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 12:02 PM

MY SON HAD THE SAME ANXIETY SO BAD, HE THREW UP STARTING 7TH GRADE I TAUIGFHT ELEMENTARY KIDS FOR 5 YEARS, I KNOW ITS A DIFFERENT WORLD TO THEM, WE TALKED TO THE COUNSELOR AND THE SCHOOL AND THEY WORKED TO HELP US FIND HELP FREE OF CHARGE BY THE SCHOOLS RESOURCES NO, ITS FREE TO ANYONE HERE IN TOWN.ANYWAYS HE STILL HAS TROUBLE WAS FAILING CLASSES HE NOW GETS A'S IN, THE AUTISTIC CHILD IF SHE SCREAMS LIKE THAT MAY BE DISRUPUTIVE AND PROBABLY SHOULD BE IN A SCHOOL FOR CHILDREN WITH HER PROBLEM, SHE PROBABLY FEELS ALONE.I DO NOT KNOW THE SEVERITY OF HER ILLNESS BUT I WORKED IN HEALTH CARE TOO SINCE I WAS 14 OFF AND ON., CLEARLY THE OLDER CHILD IS USING THIS TO STAY HOME. WE HAD TO TAKE JEFF EVERYDAY WELL, TODAY WE R ICED UNDER AGAIN ( OREGON JUST CAME OUT OF A 14 DAY LOCKDOWN FROM AN ICE STORM WE LIVE IN THE WOODS) ANYWAYS WE DROVE HIM IF HE KEPT THROWING UP HE WENT TO THE OFFICE AND WAS ALLOWED TO TAKE A TIME OUT WHENEVER HE FELT HE NEEDED ONE HIS TEACHERS TO HELP , WORKED WITH US TO LIGHTEN HIS HOMEWORK., I LEARNED THIS ISN'T UNCOMMON THERE WERE SO MANY PARENTS THEY HAD A SCHOOL MEETING ABOUT AT 7PM AND I WAS AMAZED AT THE AMOUNT OF PARENTS GOING THRU THIS ANXIETY .IN FACT MASYBE WE SHOULD STRUCTURE THE OLDER ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CLASSES MORE LIKE 7TH AND 8TH GRADE, SO IT NOT SUCJH A SHOCK. I WISH U THE BEST MY SON IS THRIVING STILL DOESN'T ALWAYS WANNA GO BUT KNOWS HE HGAST TO NOW. IF I LET HIM ANY KID WOULD FAVOR T.V. AND GAMES OVER SCHOOL. U NEED TO KEEP REPORTING JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT ( NOT SAYING U DIDN'T I READ THEY FIGURE IT OUT) BUT THE KIDS NEED U !!! U CARE ENOUGH TO TELL! KEEP TELLING!!!!!! THEY NEED LIFE SKILLS, UNEDUCATED KIDS USUALLY STATISTICALLY, END UP IN TROUBLE, JAIL OR MENTAL INSTITUTIONS THEY NEED LIFE SKILLS YOU'RE RIGHT SHES DOING NO FAVORS FOR THEM, TRY TO FIX THE PROBLEM, SHE SHOULD BE. NOT CONTRIBUTING CAUSE ITS EASIER THAT WAY. SORRY IF U NEED TO TALK BEEN THERE GOING THRU IT, U AREN'T ALONE IN THIS WITH FAMILY. FEEL FREE TO WRITE IF U WOULD LIKE! BEST OF LUCK TO YA!

RUSTI 

wallylicious
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 12:08 PM


Quoting Heather0816:

You have to do what is best for those children and if the MIL finding out you made the complaint and it causes issues then so be it. She is the one in the wrong, not you!

agreed.

however, the school system should already be handling this situation. they are to keep records of all enrollments and absences and keep a handle on truancy. I'm surprised your MIL isn't already locked up.

btw: tell your FIL that the next time she threatens to call the cops on him, he can tell her to go right ahead and call and the police will take the kids to school in their cruiser.

Seven07
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 12:14 PM

There are so many programs for kids with disablilities, they could get grant money to cover it all, too.  It's very easy to get (my sister has a disability like that).  Basically all mom has to do is get them to a doctor and get a case worker.  People could even come in the house and help out, or take them out and help outside the home.  Call CPS and let them know, they won't take the kids away and they don't rat you out, I called on my neighbor and they got the help they needed for their children.

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