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Are these rules too strict? (posted as a journal entry too)

Posted by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 12:56 PM
  • 25 Replies

Long story short for some background on our situation....my little sister will be 17 in 3 weeks, she currently lives with my grandma because one can only take so much of my father's negativity before it breaks you and she has been living with grandma since October. She met a boy through Xbox Live and his dad was kicking him out as soon as he turned 18 and he had no where to go...well, he just turned 18 earlier this month and no one in my family has ever met this kid before and he flew to Washington from Florida to start his life and be near my sister (they've only ever talked on Xbox Live) and they got caught yesterday. We had no clue that he was up there and when they got caught they panicked and took off. Now my sister has no options really left...my grandma doesn't want her there and my mom would take her back to Nevada to be with them but again, one can only handle so much of our father and he would make things worse. My mom and I feel that my sister would be a bigger flight risk if she were drug back to Nevada so we are trying to come up with another plan. My Dh and I will be moving out there in 3 weeks (it is home for us but Dh is military and finally received orders for his base of preference) and we are considering taking her in because we can provide the emotional support she needs (especially since this is not all about the boy, I talked to her for a good while last night and she sounds like she has been depressed; some thing I can relate to on a very personal level whereas everyone else - except my mom - doesn't seem to believe in depression). Right now I feel I am her only option...only hope. My dad sounds as though he has given up on her and this is the first time she has ever been a "bad" kid so I don't think its fair to give up on her so easily. Anyway, if she comes to live with us there will need to be ground rules up front that she will have to abide by or she will be sent back to my parents house (or military school if she slips up again like this...I know my dad would send her in heart beat even with just a year left in high school).

I just need to know if these rules are too much or if they're not enough....input, ideas, suggestions, etc are welcome from all....

1. 10pm curfew
2. Attend church with us every Sunday (hoping that she will become comfy enough to talk to our Pastor who can provide free counseling for her to sort out her issues with our dad and what not)
3. Check in at all times - as soon as she arrives somewhere, getting ready to leave somewhere, etc (I had to do this with my grandma and while I thought it was excessive back then I see the point of it now)
4. Grades will stay above D (this is not harsh because I don't want her to feel like she is a failure if she doesn't get A's and B's and at this point I just want her to pass her classes)
5. Homework will be done every night and I will be looking it over
6. Friends can come over if she asks us but boys are not allowed in her room (this is the way it was for me growing up but this structure was let go when she entered her teen years which I think is part of the problem...my parents and everyone else have become kind of lax on things)
7. join an extra curricular activity or get a part time job (she loves basketball and she is good at it and she has mentioned the idea of getting a job at like Toys R Us or something too...I think that she would benefit from doing something extra for herself)
8. Chores
9. Family dinners - we plan to have 1 dinner out with my grandparents each week and then Sunday dinner at my in-laws house. We also eat dinner at the table which she will be expected to do as well, much different then when we were growing up but its a time for us to sit back and talk with each other...Dh always likes to ask the boys what they did for the day and what not and the boys like to ask Daddy questions about his day and its just a way to keep close for all of us. It would be a time for us to talk to sister and ask about her day and if she has any plans for the rest of the eveing etc.

This is all I can think of at this particular moment....but I feel like I am missing something here.....

Dee Dee
We're expecting baby #3!!!
Natalie Ann due May 17th 2009!

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by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 12:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Christy644
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 12:58 PM

Pretty much the saem rules I have for my 16 yr old.  

lenalove
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:00 PM

those are not to strict. I think they are good rules and they show you are genuinely looking out for her and want her to succeed.

                                 

Brooklynsmom119
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:03 PM

i think maybe an 11 oclock curfew would be better but you know your sister better than i do

Brooklyn's Mommy

breastfeeding I'm a huge fan of whipping out the boob! Lets feed our children!

Breast are actually for breastfeeding. Society makes breast sexual which makes mothers uneasy about feeding their children the way God intended for them to be fed. Remember that the breasts function are to feed our babies, not for a mans amusement.


ImLunaEnchanted
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:05 PM

I think your rules are pretty good.

Maybe 12midnight on weekends (if she proves responsible)

Easy on the church. If she is depressed she doesnt need school AND church pressure.

Chores?



thehairnazi
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:06 PM

your rules sound pretty good to  me. i might rethink the curfew after 6 months or so, to make sure she's trustworthy with her choices and following the other 'rules'. i mean, if she does get a job, she might have to work past 10pm some nights..and some movies don't start until after 9pm...you might also want to find out what your town's curfew is, so when you give her later options, you aren't going against the town's ordinances...so, i'd just see how she does at first. good luck!

      toddler boy''train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it." proverbs 22:6

bsaraquse
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:08 PM

thinking back to when we had my step daughter living with us at 17 she is 19 now, we had her curfew for  11 pm. she had to check in every now and then call me and let me know where she was just to make sure i knew she was ok. which i found was a little hard to do with teens now days cause they are every where at once. she got where she just sent me a text telling me were at so and so and then were heading over to this place can i go. she had to do her homework and finish school. She was flunking out and our hs had a program that she could take classes after school for an hour. so I got a job and she had to watch her younger brother for about 3 hours every morning, she had to be up by 7:30 which is when i left for work, she had to feed him and make sure he was ready to walk out the door when i came and picked him at noon to take him to school. once her classes were done she was expected to get a job. we did allow boys in her room but the door couldnt be closed, her brother and sister at the time was 5 and 7. so we did that to give them a little privacy and not have the kids climbing all over them. nethless to say it didnt work out like we thought, she got where she never came home never did her chores, she stayed the nights at her boyfriends house she wouldnt call in, she was there every morning to watch her brother and then she was gone as soon as i got home for lunch, she went back to moms that summer. but those rules sound good to me. the only problem me and her had was the step mom step child syndrome you know the one your not my mom kind of sort of thing and her dad was never home he is an over the road truck driver so it was hard for him to help all the time. so I wish you luck on all of this.

Liluckyducky7
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:09 PM

I agree with her! They are all the rules I had at 17... I had a call cerfew though... my mom didn't care if I was on the phone but no one could call the house after 10:30...

Quoting thehairnazi:

your rules sound pretty good to  me. i might rethink the curfew after 6 months or so, to make sure she's trustworthy with her choices and following the other 'rules'. i mean, if she does get a job, she might have to work past 10pm some nights..and some movies don't start until after 9pm...you might also want to find out what your town's curfew is, so when you give her later options, you aren't going against the town's ordinances...so, i'd just see how she does at first. good luck!



xotylernoelxo
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:11 PM

I think they are good rules the only one I would rethink is the going to church with you every Sunday. I think you should ask if she would like to go to church with you instead of forcing her to. I believe someones religious choices should be there own. But other then that they sound good to me.

shanriel
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:12 PM

No those are not too strict. I have those same rules for my 17 and 14 y/o and some more ..

Nobull
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:12 PM

Other things to consider, if you have children, will she be required to interact with them.?  Will she be required to eat dinner with the family (I think that is very important) Make dinner once or twice a week, her laundry, driving, helping with the house work..............will she become part of the family, or just a family member living with you until she graduates?

 Life is not simply to Live, but to love and be Loved

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