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How do I tell my son?

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 2:49 AM
  • 6 Replies

I posted this somewhere else and nobody answered I figured I'd try here. I have a son that's almost 2 1/2 and he has no relationship with his 'father'. They haven't seen each other in over a year and he refuses to take responsibility for my son. I won't take him to court because he's honestly not worth the time or effort because I know nothing will change. He has 2 other kids he basically abandoned too. I'd love for my son to have a relationship with his older brothers,but their mom lets (did when we were still together atleast) our ex see their kids whenever he wants to and I don't want them to tell him anything about my son. How should I explain when he's older why he doesn't have a dad in his life and he doesn't have a relationship with his brothers? The older boys' mom and I got along,but I know they boys will most likely tell my ex about my son.

by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 2:49 AM
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by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 2:51 AM

      At about 10 or 11 years old, would be a good age to tell him.

by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 2:55 AM

I am actually going through this right now.   I have a son who is 6 who is not my husbands. He is from a previous relationship. My husband is known as dad. His bio dad has never met or seen him. Nor wants to. I am actually thinking of seeing a therapist and see when we should break the news. Its really hard on me, I dont want to hurt him.  My husband has told me that hes wants to tell him, to make sure he knows that he IS his dad and loves him.

by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 2:58 AM

It's killing me because not only does my son not have a daddy,but he keeps saying 'daddy' all the time. I've gotten to the point since we live with my dad I never call him dad,I call him 'grandpa' so my son will know that's his grandpa and won't call him 'daddy'.

by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 3:00 AM

I am going through something similar.. i actually married the guy..ugh! we are in the process of a divorce. we hae been separated since before Jaksens 1st birthday (he will be 2 next month) i have always said PLEASE come see him whenever you want, etc. to the ex but he cant ever seem to come see him. Jaksen doesnt even know what a dad is, hasnt really had one the crappy thing is i am getting a divorce/child custody etc and my ex keeps saying i want to be in his life etc etc dont screw me over and i am uuuh i never said you couldnt be. like seriously?! ugh its just lame! so i cant help you but i would like to know the same. cause i dont think the ex will ever get off his lazy.... and come see him... and i know if he does it wont be until im like married to someone else or something. cause he is lame like that. sorry i just kind of vented on your post...


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by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 3:03 AM

I have wondered this myself seeing as my 5 month old son's Dad started out being here every day the first 2 months and now he hardly comes around once a month and just calls every day. I don't know whether it is better to cut him off completely because I don't want my son to be disappointed with his Dad in and out of his life and I plan on in the future moving on with my life with someone else so i often wonder how I will address the same issue. It is hard either way you tell him I believe he will still have issues as I did not have a Dad in my life either. I was planning to just tell him that his Dad was not good enough for him and he deserved better so he doesn't feel like he was not good enough to receive love from his Dad. I don't know if that makes sense but yea.

by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 2:27 PM

This post really hits close to home, my son is 17 months old and his sperm donor has never seen him or knows that he has a son. He is a happy toddler and says dada all the time I just smile. It warms my heart each time he calls me mommy. When and if he asks about his father I will try to be honest without being ugly . I will keep it where he can understand at the age he is when he asks, when he gets older I will explain a little more. I have his fathers full name and his social security number if he decides he wants to try and find him at some time in his life. He has enough love from me and my family and friends right now he is not missing out on anything.

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