She lost the baby, what do I say?

Just say if you need to talk, I am here. That's all you can say. Don't tell her the baby is in a better place, because it's not. The best place is in her arms, no heaven. Don't tell her everything happens for a reason either, that is where alot of people make mistakes. I have gone through 2 misscarriages and it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I will keep her in my prayers.

When I had my miscarriage back in 2002 the only thing I didn't want to hear was : I know exactly what you're going through. In reality no one, but myself knew EXACTLY what I was going through. I did however want to be told that someone was sorry for my loss, that meant enough to me. Meant they carried enough to acknowledge the fact I was grieving. I also hated hearing: God won't give you more than you can handle, Maybe it was for the best, You can always try again, etc. Anything along those lines. I also wanted to be left alone and me talk about it when I was ready to talk about it. Everyone would always ask 500 questions that I wasn't up to answering just yet, and some people always came off rude when asking about what happened. I also appreciated cards, flowers, angels ( I collect them), pretty much anything that seemed cheery and happy with thoughtful intentions behind it. I would of loved for someone to just hang out with me for awhile. Not really talk unless I wanted to, just someone to hang out with me and help me recover ( I had a D and C, and my mom went back to work and my man was working as well).

yes! We have gone through 2 miscarriages too. Just tell her that you are sorry and that you are there for her when she needs you.  Dont tell her thats he can get preg again..... she wants the baby she lost..... not a different one.She is in our thoughts.

Quoting wilesmomma:

Just say if you need to talk, I am here. That's all you can say. Don't tell her the baby is in a better place, because it's not. The best place is in her arms, no heaven. Don't tell her everything happens for a reason either, that is where alot of people make mistakes. I have gone through 2 misscarriages and it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I will keep her in my prayers.

Quoting wilesmomma:

Just say if you need to talk, I am here. That's all you can say. Don't tell her the baby is in a better place, because it's not. The best place is in her arms, no heaven. Don't tell her everything happens for a reason either, that is where alot of people make mistakes. I have gone through 2 misscarriages and it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I will keep her in my prayers.

Thank you.

call her in the next day or so and let her know that you are there for her anytime she needs you.  She may never want to talk about it with you or that may be exactly what she needs, everyone is different. Just don't alienate her.  My one girlfriend called me 3 or 4 weeks after my miscarriage and said its a hard thing to go through, and we got you a gift.  I never got the gift, not that that matters, but she hasn't been available to talk to since then and everytime I try to get together with her she is always buisy. I really feel like she doesn't want to be around me anymore and it hurts. 

Quoting wilesmomma:

Just say if you need to talk, I am here. That's all you can say. Don't tell her the baby is in a better place, because it's not. The best place is in her arms, no heaven. Don't tell her everything happens for a reason either, that is where alot of people make mistakes. I have gone through 2 misscarriages and it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I will keep her in my prayers.

I've never experienced this so listening to people who have is best.  They would know better than anyone else.  I will keep the baby and the mother in my thoughts.

Your welcome.

Send her a link to cafemom group for mothers who have miscarried and a brief description of it. She may choose to look into it when she's ready. Cafemom support groups got me through some very tough times with infertility and pregnancy complications. Maybe it could help her.

I agree with the other responses, don't tell her the baby is in a better place, things happen for a reason, or worst of all, "its for the best anyway, the baby probably had alot of problems and its natures way..."  My mom told me that and it was like she punched me.  She didn't mean it in a nasty way but it still hurt.