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kids and chores... going crazy!!! need input!!

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 1:21 PM
  • 4 Replies

Okay so here's the deal... in a nutshell. I live with my fiance. We have one daughter together (10 months), and my daughter (3), his daughter (20), his grandson (10 months), and his son (12). His 18 year old daughter, and her daughter who is also 10 months, lived with us too, but recently moved out, and in all reality will probably be back soon. And I'm pregnant again. Here's the deal. I DO EVERYTHING!!! I have talked to my husband about it. He's older, and he has one of the attitudes that, well how can I describe it... Basically you do what you have to do. You don't ask for credit or recognition, you don't complain, you just do it... So the numerous times that I have tried to talk to him, I never get anywhere. He is a VERY hard worker and has the best work ethic of anyone I've ever met. I believe his strong hardworking hispanic upbringing is the reason for that. If the dishes don't get done or something, he's the one that will step in and do them. I appreciate that, but it makes me feel really bad. He works so much and he should not have to come home and do more work. Someone else should be stepping in on the rare occasion that I can't get something done. So... I cook, do the dishes, sweep and mop, clean the bathrooms, AND pick up all the babies toys (the ones that aren't mine also), pick up dirty dishes laying around the house and garbage and dirty clothes, and OMG!!! It never ends! I really need some input because, yes, it drives me crazy... and I have another baby coming this fall and I'm going to be very overwhelmed. I'm going to school full time and trying to finish and do all of this and, well, ugh... The older daughter does nothing, but you know what, she'll be out of the house soon, so my question is really regarding the 12 year old... I know the older ones should be helping too, but... as for as his son, shouldn't he be doing some sort of chores????? Something????? Anything?????? If I even ask him to do something SMALL he gets attitude. Since DH isn't helping talk to them, I wanted to ask all of you experts out there.... then I'm going to approach him and show him what everyone has to say. I don't want them to do everything, basically all I'm asking for is for them to pick up after themselves. Is that too much to ask? Maybe help out with the dishes on occasion? I don't know. Do your children do chores? If so, what do they do? Allowance? Know any tricks for getting 3 year olds to help? I try to get her to, but I always have so much to do, I do what I shouldn't and just do it for her. Ugh... HELP!

by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 1:21 PM
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Replies (1-4):
summertimemizzy
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 1:26 PM

My daughter is only 3 and she has chores.  She helps me do the dishes and she is responsible for picking up her toys  when she's done with them.  So in my opinion...YES!  Children should definitely have chores and I don't think they should be paid for them.  If they want to live in your house and enjoy your cooking and all the things you do for them, they have to have responsibilities,  I think you're letting them walk all over you.  TAKE CHARGE!  It's your house... make some rules and if they don'tlike it they can move out!  Good luck and just be firm

momcat437
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 1:28 PM

Yes, it's only right and only fair that ALL the kids help out.  They all live there--they all contribute to the mess, they need to help clean it.  Our kids do chores, and have done them since they were real little.  It helps them to learn how to take care of themselves when they're out on their own!  By letting them be lazy, you're teaching them to be lazy and dependent on others!  Let them grow up!! 


Dreaming of that Paradise Earth...

chknugt
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 1:59 PM

Unfortunately I know that they are walking all over me.  And I am not the type to usually let that happen.  Honestly long story short, their mom died 5 years ago, I was the first one that their dad was with after that.  It was quite and adjustment for them.  I tried SOOOO hard to get them to like me and accept me, that I fell into this cycle of basically doing everything for them and spoiling them.  I have no problems with the 12 year old, we were buds before his dad and I got together, but the older ones really know how to make my life hell.  And DH says just ignore them.  AND I moved into "their mom's" house, I've been told this in the past, it's NOT my house....  Girl it's all so frustrating.  If it's not my freaking house then I shouldn't be doing all this work...  Oh I could go on forever about that.  But like I said, I tried so hard at the beginning, and now I don't know how to get out of it without the sh** hitting the fan...  :(

Quoting summertimemizzy:

My daughter is only 3 and she has chores.  She helps me do the dishes and she is responsible for picking up her toys  when she's done with them.  So in my opinion...YES!  Children should definitely have chores and I don't think they should be paid for them.  If they want to live in your house and enjoy your cooking and all the things you do for them, they have to have responsibilities,  I think you're letting them walk all over you.  TAKE CHARGE!  It's your house... make some rules and if they don'tlike it they can move out!  Good luck and just be firm


soontobe8
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 2:08 PM

Ok this is just my opinion. I understand that you don't want your DH to come home after working and have to do things around the house but I would stop doing things around the house for while. Like I would only wash yours clothes DH cloths and your DDs clothes. LEt everyone else do it themselves. Same thing with toys or dishes. If your DH comes home and sees it tell him it is DS stuff. Hopefully your DH will get tired of doing it and step up and make everyone else help out. As for your 3 year old I'm not sure what to tell you. My 2 year old does chores with the older kids and has done them since he was old enough to help. But I think he wants to do what the other kids do. Your older kids are setting a bad example for your 3 year old by not helping.

 

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