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Should I make him leave or not? I really need some good advice on this one...

Posted by on May. 24, 2009 at 5:22 PM
  • 35 Replies

Ok so this is kind of long, I'll try to shorten it a bit without leaving anything out.  My DH and I have been having problems for about 8  months now.  We have a daughter who will be 1 next month and it basically started shortly after she was born. 

First I guess I should give some background.  My DD and I have been together since I was 16, he was 18.  I got pregnant and we got married when I was 19.  Our first baby was born last June,  and I am now 21. We used to do a lot together, especially when we were dating, I didn't seem to have a care in the world. I was just so completley devoted to  him, and so in love. 

After we got married we were happy for a while.  When my baby girl was born  I feel in love all over again. I mean this is a love I never thought possible. I was born to be her mama and I wouldn't trade her for the world.   He started acting kinda shitty when she was about 3 weeks old, just spoiled like he wasn't getting enough attention.  Well then when she was 2 months old she got a UTI and was put in the hospital.  I called him on my way to  the hospital to tell him about it and he was like, Ok just call me later and let me know how its going!" I couldn't believe it, I was so hurt that she wasn't important enough for him to stop working on his stupid race car and come to be with her. We were there 2 nights and my mama stayed with me and her.

Well ever since then its been progressively getting worse. I am in school full time at night and work at a bank as a teller during the day.  When I get home at 9:30 at night I am so extrememly tired that I can't do anything else. 

Well let me just get to it, yesterday I told him we needed to go see a marriage counselor because we just couldn't resolve things ourselves.  He doens't support me, show me any affection, help with the baby, nothing.  When I say I love you to him he says hes not saying it back because he knows thats what I want to hear. I think that is so cruel.  He does what he wants while I'm at school, he won't even keep the baby, my gma and his mom do. THen he expects the house to be spotless, supper to be on the table and me to be ready and willing every night before bed. I just can't do it anymore. I need emotional support with everything I'm juggling.  He told me he wnats me to quit school, that we don't need anymore money (which we do). He has no ambition, goals for the future ect.  I tell him he's changed but he says he hasn't. I've grown up and he is still the same immature guy I met when I was 16.  I do love him but I can't stand all this fussing and fighting.  Its not good for my baby to be around or for me. I need help from him. we are suppost to be a team! He hurts, I hurt. but its not the other way around. I feel all by myself all the time and i can't stand it.

I told him he had 2 weeks to agree to get some help or I was leaving. Am I being unreasonable? His parents agree with me and support me but if I leave we will lose everything we have worked so hard for, I just don't know what to do.

by on May. 24, 2009 at 5:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
dutchessj
by on May. 24, 2009 at 5:27 PM

Losing everything is sometimes what someone needs to wake up. You are trying by requesting he go with you to marriage counseling. If he can't/won't agree to that than you need to stick to your guns. 


                   My grandaughter Makayla Brooke

AmandaBBW
by on May. 24, 2009 at 5:29 PM

wow.. im so sorry you're goin threw this.. and honestly.. i would leave. you've given him any and every chance to change or work on things. hell i would have left him after he chose not to go to the hospital when the baby was that sick. family trumps a damn car any day of the week ya know...

GOBryan
by Gold Member on May. 24, 2009 at 5:30 PM

Sounds like jeolousy, which can be pretty common, not to mention the age factor..

If you're unhappy and he's not willing to try marriage counseling or something that can help improves things, then I guess you don't have many options other than to deal with it or send him away.

Hubby and I have learned that many (not all) young marriages are trial runs, unfortunately..

I was married at 19 and hubby was married at 21.. We were both married to other people for 16 years.  Now, we finally got it right, together.

EmmaKatesMom902
by on May. 24, 2009 at 5:36 PM

I come from a broken home. I have had to deal with stepmoms and stepsisters and it sucked and still does.  I don't want my baby to go through all that. I have a daddy that doens't care about me, only when its conveinant for him. I don't want her to have to feel that kind of hurt. And I don't want to hurt him. But I agree, this marriage may just be a trial run for me. I've never dated anyone else. I just keep thinking there has to be more to life than all of this. Its just getting up enough guts to take that step...

KeriSparks
by on May. 24, 2009 at 5:37 PM


Quoting dutchessj:

Losing everything is sometimes what someone needs to wake up. You are trying by requesting he go with you to marriage counseling. If he can't/won't agree to that than you need to stick to your guns. 

well put... I think I would add that now would be the time to step up and do this, the older she gets the harder it is for both you and her.  Personally I would really push the counseling and tell him bluntly how important it is to you that he go.  If he can not be considerate to your feelings enough to get some help then you are better off not having him around, do not replace happiness for things that you have with him, (you will still have about half of what you "worked for"...you and your daughter deserve the best of everything in life.... !


LoveMyBugs
by on May. 24, 2009 at 5:41 PM

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Hopefully this is a wake up call for your DH. I can't offer much advice because you sound so competent, as though you are doing just what you need to. **HUGS** Sometimes the best thing is to move on. If he can't be there for you, or your DD when you are there chances are slim he will stand up once your gone. But staying just to find out isn't good for you either. A broken family is no fun (been there) but giving your DD all the love, attention and care you possibly can will make up for that in spades! 

mommy2000
by on May. 24, 2009 at 5:42 PM

It  kind of sounds like you guys need to spend more time together alone and as a family.

momoftwo0720
by on May. 24, 2009 at 5:42 PM

Sounds like what my husband did when our first child was born. It took us being apart alittle bit before he saw he loved and needed us. I would do the samething you are doing, if he don't get help, leave him. If he loves yall he will realize it and if he doesn't you are better off without him. If you put up with this you are going to be in the same boat 10 years from now. My husband is very devoted now to his family and it just took a wake up call for him. Maybe he needs it too.

savedbygrace316
by on May. 24, 2009 at 5:44 PM

Wow this is tough.  It sounds to me like you know what you want to do.  Stay strong and good luck.

CafeMom Tickers
Angelicembrace
by Bronze Member on May. 24, 2009 at 5:46 PM

I agree

Quoting dutchessj:

Losing everything is sometimes what someone needs to wake up. You are trying by requesting he go with you to marriage counseling. If he can't/won't agree to that than you need to stick to your guns. 


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