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Daddy and baby not getting along.

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 10:53 AM
  • 8 Replies

Here's the issue:

My DH can't comfort our DS (4 weeks old). If he's crying and DH tries to sooth him, he'll continue to cry, it usually turns into screaming. DS will do the samething when DH gives him a bottle, he'll drink a little and then start crying. The moment DH hands DS to me he stops crying.

It's very frustrating. We thought maybe DH was "giving up" too soon so yesterday he tried comforting DS for almost 20 minutes. The crying just continued to get worse. Finally I took him because it just killed me listening to him so up-set.

I feel so bad because DH is really up-set that DS "doesn't like him". And in 3 weeks I go back to work. How am I supposed to do that knowing DH won't be able help DS if he's up set? I can't stand the idea of DS crying endlessly simple frown

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I'm a first time, unwed, c-section delivering, spoiling, ANTI-CIO,cuddling, bottle-feeding, pro-choice, co-sleeping, PFLAG(little-bro), mommy who loves her son more then anything! PS i'm an anti-drama-mama so please keep me out of it

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 10:53 AM
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Replies (1-8):
GOBryan
by Gold Member on Jun. 9, 2009 at 10:56 AM

The baby can sense if dad's not comfortable holding him OR feels the difference between mom and dad, preferring mom to comfort him instead.

The more he holds the baby and feels comfortable, the faster the baby will adjust to dad.   

fallnangel3
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 10:57 AM

It might be that he holds him different than you, or that since he's so use to your smell that is what comforts him.  You can try having him use one of your shirts that you have warn and has your smell on it as a blanket to see if that works




Abuela09
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:01 AM

I would try a few things:

1. try to get a used shirt/tshirt of dh and when comforting ds use it on you or as a blanquet between you and baby. this will start giving ds the sense that it's dh.

2. ask dh to stand behind you and talk to ds so he can get more comfortable with the voice.

3. dh MOST relax and be confident he can do this. he's stress is trasmitted to ds and that might cause for ds to be so uncomftable.

Best wishes.

jlsmith1862
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:01 AM

I think your son is psyching Daddy out. lol If your man is even the slightest bit nervous or timid about taking care of DS then your DS is going to sense it and let everyone know. Try talking with your hubby about his feelings while holding DS. Ask him if he is nervous or scared about it. If he is, try a pep talk before he holds him. Tell your DH "you can do this. It's just a baby. It's not rocket science. I mean, you see me hold him all the time. It's a totally natural thing. Don't be nervous at all because he will play off of that and get the best of you. Stay calm and relaxed and show him who's boss." lol HTH and GL.

SouthALMommy
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:13 AM

it worked best for us that hubby hold him while he slept at first because with our son being a breastfed baby it was really up to me for comfort (he NEVER took a paci or sucked his thumb). So when he'd fall asleep, hubby would hold him while he slept and so Brayden got used to his smell and when it came time for me to go back to school, hubby could watch him and he was fine for those 3 hours I wasn't home.

I am a stay at home, breast feeding, kisses and hugs giving, chubby baby loving, happily married, co-sleeping, attachment parenting, anti-CIO, vaxing, disposable diaper using, PCOS having, baby wearing, sale item buying, in college mommy who believes in and trusts THE TRINITY (Father, Son, Holy Spirit).

JaspersMommy511
by on Jun. 10, 2009 at 12:22 AM

That's exactly what I told him I thought we should try. He told me "I don't have time to sit around and hold him like you do".

I told him he'll need to make time or he's going to loose out on an amazing relationship with his DS if he skips this bonding time.


gay pride ribbon

I'm a first time, unwed, c-section delivering, spoiling, ANTI-CIO,cuddling, bottle-feeding, pro-choice, co-sleeping, PFLAG(little-bro), mommy who loves her son more then anything! PS i'm an anti-drama-mama so please keep me out of it

Butterflysky_24
by on Jun. 10, 2009 at 12:54 AM

my hubby won't hold our baby for longer than 2 minutes because the same thing happens, he just cries and stops crying the second he goes to me. it is absolutely not because babies don't like their daddies. its just because moms are more connected, more experienced from doing it all the time, and can stay calmer. when a father gets upset because he cant comfort the baby, the baby senses the stress and gets even more upset. at least ur husband cares though. mine says oh the baby is crying and gives him to me. i feel like a single mom because i cant even give the baby to him so i can cook dinner, i have to let him scream. i think the solution would be for dads to hold their babies even more all the time until it's just the norm for them. when u go back to work its probably gonna get better because therewilll be no mom to go to, only dad, so the baby will just have to get used to it

TikiMama19
by on Jun. 10, 2009 at 1:10 AM
Did your dh talk to your ds in the womb my hubby did and since i had a c section and they had put me to sleep for it he was the first person to comfort him...my ds is comfortable with both of us of course me a little more but if your dh just gives up he is never gonna have a relationship with your ds I hope he tries seriously sit him down and help him because eventually you're gonna need sometime to destress yourself and you dh needs to give that time to you and not having to comfort you ds when he's upset.

♥I’m a bisexual, agnostic, moderate liberal, pro gay marriage, pro choice only w/ extend circumstances, social smoking, anti birth control letting nature take it's course, bottle feeding, disposable diaper using, semi co-sleeping, CIO, circumcising, vaxing, cuddle loving, tattooed, college student, SAHM to one wonderful little boy and loving wife to an Airman and DAMN PROUD!. If you have a problem with it deal with it.♥

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