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Why doesn't she love ME?!

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:28 PM
  • 14 Replies

My situation seems.....complicated, to most.  I am a 24 year old mommy of 2 girls, Madison 5, and Lily 1 1/2.  I am married to the father of my youngest daughter, so of course the father of my oldest child and I are separated; have been since she was 13 months old.  My husband and I love having our time with Madison, she stays at our house and visits dad every to every other weekend.  When she is here, it is total HELL.  She constantly cries and wants to call her dad.  I let her call and she just begs him to come pick her up.  When she is with him, she never calls me, and if I call her she won't even talk to me.  When she is put in bed, (our house is 2 story her room is upstairs) she screams, not just for a little while, but hours on end.  It scares my youngest daughter and then she too cries.  Madison screams "I WANT MY DADDY!  I WANT TO SEE MY DADDY!  I MISS MY DADDY!" At the top of her lungs.  This doesn't just happen at bedtime....it has started occurring more and more often during the day.  We try to do things to keep her happy, go to movies, the pool, play outside.  And it gets to the point where I am so wrapped up in trying to keep her happy and content that the little one gets pushed aside.  I am at my wits end, I am out of ideas, out of options.  The only option I see now is to let her move in with her dad.  I want her to be happy, and I want us to be happy, I feel like I have to make this decision on what's best for our entire family, not just one member of it anymore, and I don,t want my youngest affected by this anymore.  My husband however, is dead set against it.  He thinks its an awful idea....what do you think?  Am I doing the right thing?  Am I just a bad mom?  What am I supposed to do?!?!crying

Ambermakeup

Loving Wife to Brad

moms rockProud Mama of Madisongirl giving flower & Lilygiving dad card

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:30 PM

Relax lol - she is going through a daddy phase. My daughter is 7 and if she has the option she would not even acknowledge my existence... ESPECIALLY when she could have her daddy instead. It is normal for little girls. I did the same thing when I was younger.

I am a Private School sending, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Homework Helping, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Academic pushing Mum. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it raising my child - I will do that, Thank You. I believe that a woman's place is in the home taking care of her house, children and husband. I am a proud, traditional Roman Catholic, as is my husband... Yes we are teaching our daughter that The Church is the only Church. I am very conservative and a proud Republican.              Aimee


starrynight819
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:30 PM

was she like this before your DF and little one came around?

maybe shes having jealousy issues and likes being the only child?

pregnancy

cmb121906
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:32 PM

You're not bad. It would be a stressful situation. Have you talked to her in a way she can understand and ask her why she hates it there so much?

IzabelleMae
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:33 PM

I don't think you're a bad mom by any means. I think it might be that she just doesn't get to see him a whole lot and she's becoming more bonded with him. She could just be a daddys girl at heart. Don't take it personally. I think she just wants time with him, I wouldn't say let her move in with him, I would try letting her call daddy or talk over the computer like video chat before bed. Maybe it'll calm her a little. Good luck momma!

mommyagain2
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:33 PM

She has been this way ever since her Dad and I seperated.  I don't think it is just a "daddy phase."  It has just recently gotten much worse.

mommyagain2
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:35 PM

I do let her call him, many times a day, and right before bed.  It doesn't do any good.  And  I have talked to her many times nad explained the we love having her, and that she will see her daddy again soon.  Doesn't matter to her.

mcquistionmom2
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:35 PM

You're not a bad mom. A lot of times kids are just "daddy's kids" and thats how life goes. My boys are both daddy's boys and when he is deployed all they want is him and I can't seem to do anything right by them. Natalie is already showing she's a daddy's girl. Maybe you guys could do a trial run over the summer...let her live with your ex during the week and you take her on weekends and see how that works. If it works you might consider leaving the arrangement like that but she may also have a change of heart. I wish you the best of luck in figuring this all out...I'm sorry you have to go threw this mama!

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jackiehutnik
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:36 PM

Ive seen on a lot of tv shows where if you get on the floor with your kids and use dolls to act out their feelings it really helps open them up.   - Not saying you dont play with her or anything like that.  Thats an idea. She might just feel different that you have a different family than her.  I would try the doll idea... I think it really works.... but idk just a thought

NadiasMommy427
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:39 PM

Hon It's ok I know how you feel! My 11 yr old Daughter has been treating me the same way for a year. Sometimes she loves and sometimes she wants live with her father. I let her live with her father  for a summer.v She eventually realized that the grass isn't greener on the other side. She has already called and asdked to home simply because her father gave her a list of chores, and she did not want to do any of them. She has chores here to but not to extent that her father gives her. It is phase and it will pass.  

sonja636
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:40 PM

 SORRY SO LONG!!!!

It's not you.Your oldest is just feeling the pinch of not having her own dad in the house with her as her sister does.I have goen thru the same thing and my best advise is this....as difficult as it may or may not be for you ,you have to make Madison understand her importance in the family and to her little sister.I know it sounds easier said than done but Madison is at the age where she is learning how to pull strings to get her way and fits and tantrums seem to work right now.Let her father know what is going on and ask him to pitch in and explain the situation to her as well and let her know her behavior will not get her her way but quite the opposite!.

your husband is right,don't split your family Madison will learn to adjust and thigns will get better as long as your hubby remains supportive.

sonja

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