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I NEED ADVICE SO BAD PLEASE HELP!!!

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 7:27 PM
  • 7 Replies

 OK, SO HERE IS THE DEAL MY BOYFRIEND WAS IN VA VISITING FAMILY AND COULDNT FIND A RIDE TO THE BUS STATION TO COME HOME WELL.... HE TOLD ME HIS AUNT TOOK HIM.... COME TO FIND OUT IT WAS HIS FRIEND (IE. THATS A GIRL).... NORMALLY NO PROB EXCEPT HE TOLD ME AFTER ASKING HIM 2 OTHER TIMES... BUT HE TOLD ME TODAY THAT HE HAD SEX WITH HER THE NIGHT BEFORE HE CAME HOME.... WTF!!!! HELLO, HONESTY DOES GET YOU REALLY FAR.... IF I KNEW THAT SHE WANTED THAT TO TAKE HIM TO THE BUS STATION I WOULD HAVE TRIED TO FIGURE SOMETHING ELSE OUT!!!! NOW WHAT AM I TO DO????? PLEASE SUGESTIONS..... I KNOW IT MIGHT SOUND STUPID BUT I DO LOVE HIM AND JUST WISH THAT HE COULD HAVE BEEN UP FRONT AND HONEST WITH ME THEN MAYBE I WOULD KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! SOME ONE PLEASE ANY IDEAS!!!! WE LIVE TOGETHER, HAVING A BABY TOGETHER, HE DOES TAKE CARE OF ME AND THE BILLS AND TREATS ME (WELL, NORMALLY) LIKE IM THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD THAT MATTERS.... I JSUT WANT TO ASK GOD WHY??? WHAT DID I DO????  

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 7:27 PM
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Replies (1-7):
Loved4Sure
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 7:34 PM

First, if you believe in God you know he gave you free will tomake your own decisions.

Second, if you can live with what he has done and forgive and forget then you can get by.

If you cannot put it behind you and you will always assume the worst and never trust him, chances are it won't work. Save yourself some aggravation and get out ASAP.

 

survivedalot
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 7:37 PM

Ask  yourself...does he really love you??? Someone who loves you would not have made that desision no matter what the circ. were. Goodluck honey, I hope the pain stops now'

nikkiJ86
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 7:39 PM

Well only you know what to do in your heart.Some people will say "once a cheater,always a cheater".But that isn't always true.You just have to sit back and think it through.And don't rush to make a decision.You have to think about everything; like will you be able to forgive and forget and not constantly wonder if he is still cheating on you.I cheated on my SO.He forgave me and I haven't and won't cheat on him again.And he has never accused me or questioned me about cheating again.Whatever you decide,I hope everything works out for you.

starrynight819
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 7:39 PM

i have to agree. if he truly loved you and respected the family he is creating with you he would've said no to her and found another way home. (taxi?)

i would sit down and talk to him about what his priorities really are. i would be so hurt and devastated i would leave him and live with my mom until i found a way to make it on my own.

Quoting survivedalot:

Ask  yourself...does he really love you??? Someone who loves you would not have made that desision no matter what the circ. were. Goodluck honey, I hope the pain stops now'


pregnancy

flwermama23
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 7:47 PM

  all i can say is WOW! your b/f cheats on you and you ask what did you do? YOU did absolutely nothing wrong!!!!!!!! he made the choice to cheat, no one made him do it, he chose to. he could have said no (should have said no) and taken a cab or arranged another way to get to the bus. you of course have to do what is best for you and your baby. i would say you have to decide if this is someone who is worthy of you. are you getting everything out of the relationship that you deserve? is he seeking your forgivness and realizes what a huge mistake he made and begging you to stay? i can't tell you either way what you should do, that can only come from you.  i am very sorry that you have to go through this, good luck on your decision and i hope you have a good support system to encourage you. take care.

fcangel9
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 7:53 PM

Its not your fault and you shouldnt blame yourself for anything.  My DH cheated and did it for an entire year before he fessed up because he got caught!!  Be glad he came clean with it at least, because he probably could have kept it a secret.  No matter what his reason was for sleeping with her it wasnt right and you dont need to take that crap.  You have already made up your mind to stay with him, but dont set yourself up for disaster in the future.  Usually men who cheat once will do it again... does he show any remorse for what he has done?

sijmom
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 7:57 PM

First I have to get my initial reaction out of the way.   What a lame excuse to have sex with another woman.   Please don't fall for that excuse.   And he was up front and honest with you or you would not know about it.   He just chose to hold back as long as possible.

Now with that out of the way.   You have to think about what is important to you.  This is about you making a decision now about what you want and need from a relationship with yourself and with another.   What values do you hold and did this cross the line.  Would you want your child exposed to such behavior.   Not to mention, exposed to other things if he did not use a condom. As Dr. Phil says "Was this a deal breaker"?   

I also suggest that you do not have a physical relationship with him as you do this soul, mind, and heart searching.    That allows you to have a clear mind to think about your needs.   

If you decide he is who you deserve and what you need, as others have said you must forgive him and move forward in the relationship without any residual negative feelings.    That will take some time and both you and he must give you the time to do that.    He also must do what it takes to make this up to you. 

You are a unique and special person created for a purpose, do not sell yourself short or cheap by holding on to the idea that he is a good provider and treats you well.   If he does not or can not do what it takes to make this up to you, you owe it to yourself and baby to live a loving and happy life.

nerdy

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