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leave my mother to her world?

Posted by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 8:30 PM
  • 6 Replies

Here is the fist lettter that i have gotten from my mother

love all of you very much,miss yous terrible.

got the invite to your family tree,have know idea how it works, will need help

can we put everything aside and start fresh,,,,,,mother,,,daughter

you are my daughter and i love you so much,i am very sorry if i have not showed you enough love,care.kindness,compassion....i apologize for all my faults.

i have made mistakes and can not go back in time, god knows if i could i would.

we need to be mother,daughter again.............i thought we where on the right track,i thought everything was going ok.but i was wrong i guess. it felt like we where getting closer.you would call so many times, i believed we where forming a new bond.

i am having a hard time trying to express myself. i know what i want to say just dont know how to word it.

i do love you...i truly hope you can believe me.if i didnt have you when i did,,,my life would of been so messed up..i believe getting you at that time in my life was a blessing.

i do love you , my beautiful granddaughter ,Eugene my son in law

So here is the email that I just got from my mom what she has written is in blue. I was just responding with how i felt

I have thought long and hard about how to reply to this email. I honestly do not know how. I even talked with my counselor about what you have said to me. Brooke does not know how it is even possible to make a responce to this email.
>
> But i am going to give this my best shot without sounding uncivil. I am going to make my remarks in order
>  
> #1. First off I have no clue how the family tree works either. I have only been on the site 2 or 3 times. Its still a new website to me.
>  
> #2. I honestly do not know if i can put eveything that has happened aside and start over. You know thats not me. There are just too many un answered questions that i dont think I will ever know the truth too and right now i am just unsure what to do about it. And if I agree to start over there are going to be ground rules.you bet there will be ground rules, for you also
>  
> #3. You are sorry IF you didnt do all those things you listed. I do not think IF is the right word here. its like saying you dont know if you did something or not.what in the hell are you implying
>  
> #4. No one can take back what they did. they can not be undone and they can not be forgotten. Sometimes mistakes can lead to a wonderful life. My childhood was not wonderful. Now my mistake of having unprotected sex with someone I didnt know has made my life wonderful.
>  
>  
> But there are a few things that I would like some answers to.
> 1. How did you get away with placing three last names on my birth certificate? you know what someone is filling your head with shit and lies.your fathers name is on your birth certificate
> 2. Why couldn’t you make up your mind about who my father was?excuse me!! this is ridiculous everyone knows who your dad is, who in the heck have you been talking to, your grandmother martha I am pretty sure they had DNA tests back then. know reason to have a DNA test done

> 3. Was there ever another birth certificate? now why would you think there is another birth certificate,you where only born once,one certificate per baby.
>  
> There is so much more that I would love to say but i havent thought about it and i aint about to say something that I havent put any thought into. Dad has came back into my life. and it only took him how many years, ask him why he didnt want anything to do with you when i introduced you to him, him saying that he wants to buy you clothes and things. and i dont want to here the excuse because of brian, that will be his way of getting off easy. so is he going to stay in your life or is he going to disappear again. i hope for your sake and azanne's that he will stay in touch. the only thing that will suck is he will not be totally honest to you,because he will tell you what you want to hear,to make him look like the good guy and me a lying b*tch. so he can fill your head with all the lies,i dont care any more, i cant do this over and over again.Hes going to even try and help out with the costs of the wedding. And he plans on coming but he has made a special request that brain does not show. And I feel the same way.well i guess i wont be coming i will not drive that far by myself,,it would take me forever to make the trip an do not like driving that fast. Brain is no way going to be a part of my life. he will just be refered to as my mothers husband. He will not be called Grandpa by any of my kids. They will call him Brain and when they are old enough to understand like 14 or 15. They will know why he isnt an active part of MY family. AND in order for us to have any kind of relationship you are going to have to respect my choice. you may not like it or accpet it but when I am aroound its going to have to be respected.you will have to respect my choices also, it's a two way street...in order to receive respect one needs to give respect.
>
>you know what else i am sick and tired of being blamed for every little thing,,,have people that never meet me think i am a bad mother,never even being told the truth. because someone is filling your head full of lies.but thats fine, i know what the truth is.

that crap with the birth certificates.....do you honestly believe some one can put three different names and them,,,mother and father thats it,so what other name is suppose to be on it.

funny make up my mind who your father is that takes the cake...........

you know what, i dont know who is filling your head with this crap, whoever it is knows they are lieing,, just to get on your good side. thats o.k. though if they want to play that game let them have fun, i am tired of having to defend myself,,i have nothing to hide. just make sure you are truthful with everyone you are communicating with

crochetshop2-1-1.jpg picture by azanne06

by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 8:30 PM
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Replies (1-6):
Azanne
by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 8:32 PM

my mother wrote what is in color

1. How did you get away with placing three last names on my birth certificate? "you know what someone is filling your head with shit and lies.your fathers name is on your birth certificate"   there were three different names on my birth certificate. Your last name was listed as johnson then there was dads last name listed as Lillie and then there was my last name listed as wasielewski. I am sorry but that is no LIE. No one is filling my head with anything on this one. I still have the old birth certificate you want the proof but i am sure you dont need it because you are the one who made it that way.i thought you meant three different dads names,your dad was listed cuz we where still married.....unfortunately he didnt want nothing to do with you[because your grandma told him to leave us alone] so that is why i put you in brians last name
>
> Then when I went to change my social security card over to lillie. They asked me if Brain Wasielewski was my father because thats who they had listed as a father. Which i still dont know how that was done due to the fact they want your birth certificate.i have know idea about that one,it should of had your dads name listed
>  
> #3. You are sorry IF you didnt do all those things you listed. I do not think IF is the right word here. its like saying you dont know if you did something or not."what in the hell are you implying" I am saying it sounds like you arent sure whether or not you have hurt me and that if you did you are sorry for it. maybe you cant write but if you were sorry there was no reason to place that IF in that sentence because you have hurt me
>  
> 2. Why couldn’t you make up your mind about who my father was?"excuse me!! this is ridiculous everyone knows who your dad is, who in the heck have you been talking to, your grandmother martha" I am pretty sure they had DNA tests back then. "know reason to have a DNA test done"  of course there wasnt a reason for a DNA test from what I have heard brain was in jail when you were married to Dad .........of course everyone knows now who my dad is but apparently when I was younger you couldnt make up your mind because one day you would tell my father i wasnt his and the next you would tell him that I am his. No wonder he was confused.WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! brian wasnt in jail when i married your fatherr[,he went to jail for drunk driving after i had you] everyone KNEW THEN also,i never told him one day you were his and one day not

"and it only took him how many years, ask him why he didnt want anything to do with you when i introduced you to him, him saying that he wants to buy you clothes and things. and i dont want to here the excuse because of brian, that will be his way of getting off easy. so is he going to stay in your life or is he going to disappear again. i hope for your sake and azanne's that he will stay in touch. the only thing that will suck is he will not be totally honest to you,because he will tell you what you want to hear,to make him look like the good guy and me a lying b*tch. so he can fill your head with all the lies,i dont care any more, i cant do this over and over again." well maybe he would have been around if someone could have given him a straight answser to whether or not that i was his.HE KNEW HE HAD A DAUGHTER AND IT WAS HIS CHOICE NOT TO BE AROUND!!! I dont know if he is going to disappear again. I only hear from him once a week anyhow since hes leaving michigan and moving a ways away. I cant prove who is lieing to
> me and i know i will never know who is completely telling the truth either. Its something that I am going to have to live with.There is no way  that i can have 100% trust in either one of you. So dad has mad some mistakes in life but that does not mean he cant change.OK, i see what is going on he's allowed to make mistakes and i am not FINE,bunch of bull On your hand you will always choose brain over me.  Hes going to even try and help out with the costs of the wedding. And he plans on coming but he has made a special request that brain does not show. And I feel the same way."well i guess i wont be coming i will not drive that far by myself,,it would take me forever to make the trip an do not like driving that fast" well that is your choice. i will have a day to remember with or without you. But you cant except me to have a child molester at my wedding when i know there is going to be other little kids around.oh really now,,,you are going to marry one also, maybe i shouldn't of let cheryl go with you guys either and you wonder why i wouldn't let austyne go with cheryl to visit you. like mother like daughter!!!!!!!! did that hurt you....now you know what i fell like you want to say whats on your mind that was a taste of whats on my mind. eugene even admitted he fooled the lie detector!
know what else i am sick and tired of being blamed for every little thing,,,have people that never meet me think i am a bad mother,never even being told the truth. because someone is filling your head full of lies.but thats fine, i know what the truth is." I can only go on what i am being told. i cant not go back into time and see what actaully happened if that was possible I would have gone a long time ago. But sometimes i am afraid of what i might find. i only remember the bad things the way it is now
>  
> "that crap with the birth certificates.....do you honestly believe some one can put three different names and them,,,mother and father thats it,so what other name is suppose to be on it." I was refering to the last names johnson. lillie, and wasielewski
>  
> "you know what, i dont know who is filling your head with this crap, whoever it is knows they are lieing,, just to get on your good side. thats o.k. though if they want to play that game let them have fun, i am tired of having to defend myself,,i have nothing to hide. just make sure you are truthful with everyone you are communicating with" Like i said before I can only go on what I have been told. Now if i assume what I am being told is the truth then i am obviously in belief that I am telling everyone else the truth. I need to be told the truth in order to past the truth on.or you can believe your own lie's and think they are the truth especially when you are being filled with lie's. which your grandmother was very good for

>  
> I am sure that you and dad have both lied to me. i have no clue what dad has lied about and i have no reason to question him. BUT YOU lied to me for 13 and 1/2 years about my father was. If it wasnt for robin i would have probably stayed with him instead of moving back to grandmas i was happy with him for that month. I know that forgiveness is the start of healing but I dont know if I can forgive a lie that BIG.maybe you should of stayed with them both and continue to be her maid as you told me...remember... lets face it you do not want to make this work, you keep defending the people that wanted nothing to do with you
>  
> "you will have to respect my choices also, it's a two way street...in order to receive respect one needs to give respect." Well then you are going to have to respect that i want nothing to do with brain. cool and i want nothing to do with eugene, if you think about it,it's real scary when your soon to be husband looks like your father!
>share this with your counselor, brooke,eugene and your whole new family. it's good that you are seeing a counselor you have some deep issues. to bad azanne wont be able to get to know her grandma's side of the family,cuz i'm sure when you get done reading this you wont want anything to do with me. but thats fine it's your choice....maybe i should see a counselor also to tell them about all the shit you are putting me through!
>
>
> come check out my page at http://lilliescrochetshop.webs.com why!!!!!

crochetshop2-1-1.jpg picture by azanne06

Azanne
by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 8:33 PM
This is my reply to my mother my reply is in green
 
"i thought you meant three different dads names,your dad was listed cuz we where still married.....unfortunately he didnt want nothing to do with you[because your grandma told him to leave us alone] so that is why i put you in brians last name" No if you attempted to put three different dads on the birth certificate they would have probably went to the DNA test path. I know better than that, they wouldnt allow 3 different fathers. That is not a good enough reason to give me someone elses last name. Now if Dad killed someone, I could understand it then.
 
"i have know idea about that one,it should of had your dads name listed" Well if you did not do that then who did. Your right i should have had my real dads name listed because of it being on the birth certificate.
 
"WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! brian wasnt in jail when i married your fatherr[,he went to jail for drunk driving after i had you] everyone KNEW THEN also,i never told him one day you were his and one day not" Like i said i can only know what I have been told and thats what I was told. But i do believe that you had more a hand in my dad not being around than you will let me know.
 
"OK, i see what is going on he's allowed to make mistakes and i am not FINE,bunch of bull" But YOU made a lie for 13.5 years. YOU also left me with an asshole that ended up hurting me. I never said that you arent allowed to make them but i implied that i dont know if i can forgive you for making such a big lie.
 
"oh really now,,,you are going to marry one also, maybe i shouldn't of let cheryl go with you guys either and you wonder why i wouldn't let austyne go with cheryl to visit you. like mother like daughter!!!!!!!! did that hurt you....now you know what i fell like you want to say whats on your mind that was a taste of whats on my mind. eugene even admitted he fooled the lie detector!"  Maybe you shouldnt have I could have found a lot of things to do ith the $3,000 that we saved for you. NO I AM NOT LIKE YOU!!!!!! I WILL NEVER BE LIKE YOU!!!!! Eugene never said that he fooled the lie detector test. He said there was no way that he could have fooled the test. The cop had told him that there was no way that he could have lied and ended up passing two of them especailly with the new technology that they have.
 
"or you can believe your own lie's and think they are the truth especially when you are being filled with lie's. which your grandmother was very good for " There arent my lies. I havent made this stuff up from out of nowhere. I am going by what I hav heard.  WHO is gods hell is filling me with these lies. I dont talk to anyone that knows you besides DAD and we DO NOT talk about you. We talk about me and him.
 
"maybe you should of stayed with them both and continue to be her maid as you told me...remember... lets face it you do not want to make this work, you keep defending the people that wanted nothing to do with you" I am not defending Robin. The pure fact is she was the problem that I had with dad and she only saw me as a threat when I was living with him for that month. and i am sure robin saw you as a threat too and she saw me as a way of dad being around you. Not even I could convince her and dad that there is no way in hell you would leave brain for anyone when you couldnt do it for your own flesh and blood.
 
"cool and i want nothing to do with eugene, if you think about it,it's real scary when your soon to be husband looks like your father!" He looks like my dad with a beard but not when he doesnt have one and stastics show that females have a tendency to go after men that have some similarity to their own father. NO not everyone does this!!!!!!
"share this with your counselor, brooke to be honest she has told me that I am probably better off without you but she also said that not facing up to stuff causes me to put a wall in order not to be hurt but the fact is I have not put up a wall. In fact I am letting out all my feelings and putting them on the line.,eugene and your whole new family. it's good that you are seeing a counselor you have some deep issues.I do not have deep issues. the only reall issues I have are the abuse from brain, trust issues and neglect issues from you.  to bad azanne wont be able to get to know her grandma's side of the family," What family. Lets see you dont talk to your parents. Your brother and sisters arent around. SO WHAT FAMILY IS SHE MISSING OUT ON? the only family that she will be missing is you cherly steven austyne its not like grandma wants anythng to do with me know especailly after me saying i want nothing to do with her son.  "cuz i'm sure when you get done reading this you wont want anything to do with me. but thats fine it's your choice....maybe i should see a counselor also to tell them about all the shit you are putting me through!"
 
come check out my page at http://lilliescrochetshop.webs.com "why!!!!!" this is my signature it will show up to everyone that I email.

crochetshop2-1-1.jpg picture by azanne06

WAHM_Teresa
by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 8:41 PM

Ask yourself it you really want your mom in your life and your childs life.  If the answer is no then cut all ties.  Very unhealthy relationship there.

simple frown

Azanne
by on Jun. 22, 2009 at 8:19 PM

I think that i am going to speak my peace and then end it all but she doesnt seem to get how much she actaully hurt me and that is the reason that i dont want no more to do with her

Quoting WAHM_Teresa:

Ask yourself it you really want your mom in your life and your childs life.  If the answer is no then cut all ties.  Very unhealthy relationship there.

simple frown


crochetshop2-1-1.jpg picture by azanne06

WAHM_Teresa
by on Jun. 22, 2009 at 9:58 PM


Quoting Azanne:

I think that i am going to speak my peace and then end it all but she doesnt seem to get how much she actaully hurt me and that is the reason that i dont want no more to do with her

Quoting WAHM_Teresa:

Ask yourself it you really want your mom in your life and your childs life.  If the answer is no then cut all ties.  Very unhealthy relationship there.

simple frown


I'm sorry.  Honestly, from reading all that, it doesn't seem that anything you say will ever get through to her and convey how much you've been hurt.  It's like that saying, "In one ear and out the other".  You could talk till your blue in the face and it wouldn't mean a thing.

I do think it's great that you're wanting to get it out and express your feelings but I might suggest a journal or even an email but just don't send it.  Stop feeding into her madness. 

If you ever want to talk I'm a great listener (or reader in this case lol).  I truly wish you the best.

Azanne
by on Jun. 23, 2009 at 10:18 AM

thanks for caring

It is true thou the more i respond to her the worst she gets and she is calling me the mini version of her mother. HAHA that is so funny. I am nothing like my grandma. I mean her world revolves around money so i think if i was more like her i would be working my ass off at some low wage paying job 40 hours away just to have money to gamble away on the weekends. lol

Its true thou i share the same love and passion for crocheting and canning as my grandmother did but those are good things to love lol!!!

Quoting WAHM_Teresa:


Quoting Azanne:

I think that i am going to speak my peace and then end it all but she doesnt seem to get how much she actaully hurt me and that is the reason that i dont want no more to do with her

Quoting WAHM_Teresa:

Ask yourself it you really want your mom in your life and your childs life.  If the answer is no then cut all ties.  Very unhealthy relationship there.

simple frown

 

I'm sorry.  Honestly, from reading all that, it doesn't seem that anything you say will ever get through to her and convey how much you've been hurt.  It's like that saying, "In one ear and out the other".  You could talk till your blue in the face and it wouldn't mean a thing.

I do think it's great that you're wanting to get it out and express your feelings but I might suggest a journal or even an email but just don't send it.  Stop feeding into her madness. 

If you ever want to talk I'm a great listener (or reader in this case lol).  I truly wish you the best.


crochetshop2-1-1.jpg picture by azanne06

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