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Crazy mother in law

Posted by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:17 AM
  • 8 Replies



Question: Do you think that my mother in law was wrong for giving my 4 month old son 12.1/2 ounces of breastmilk





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OK. I took my 4 month old son to my mother in laws house so she could baby sit while me and my husband went out to dinner. I am only giving my son breast milk and i told her to give him the most 6.1/2 ounces of milk.  So when I returned to pick up my son I asked how did the feeding go and she tells me that she gave him 12.1/2 ounces of milk. I told my husband what she did and I told him that I am not comfortable with my son staying with his mother because she did not listen to my instructions and anyone in there right mind would no not to give a 4 month old 12.1/2 ounces of milk in one feeding. My husband tells me that I am overacting. so I gave her another chance I explain to her what she did and that I did not like it and told her once again how much milk to give my son and she did it all over again. All day yesterday my son had diarrhea he was constantly spitting up and was just crying all day. Now my husband is upset with me because I have decided that I do not want my son at his mothers house and he tells me that I am overreacting.

by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:17 AM
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Replies (1-8):
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:20 AM

When my son was about that age he would drink that much.His Dr. said it was fine.But she should have listened to you.You are the mother and what you say,goes.

by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:23 AM

It's hard to say who is right. Your mother in law probably should have listened but it's hard to force feed a baby. I doubt your son would have drank 12 oz if he wasn't hungry. Babies at that age go through a lot of growth spurts, maybe he truly was hungry. I think you were overreacting a little bit but at the end of the day you must do what you know is best for your son. 

"We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that s/he is someone today"

by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:24 AM

 Babies stop eating when they're full.  She can't force him -- if he kept eating, he was still hungry.

by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:27 AM

12 1/2 ounces in one sitting is ALOT of breastmilk for a baby that young for one feeding. However it is also possible the baby was wanting to comfort nurse because he was in an unfamiliar place and he wanted to feel mommy. So she thought he wanted the bottle and since you can't pacify with the bottle he was indeed drinking the milk to try and feel close to mommy. So she may have mistaken his uncomfortableness with hunger. Breastfed babies are difficult to watch because really no one can comfort like mama. Don't send that much milk next time. Send only enough for that feeding and make sure you are back in time to feed hm again. Try nursing him right before you leave so he is content and asleep so he won't have the chance to want some right away. Then clearly tell her this is not accpetable. I am his mother and I know how much he needs and when you over feed him it is hard for my body to keep up with the demand the next day and he is grouchy. Explain to her your body is supply and demand and you can't just feed him greatly one day out of a bottle because he will expect it the next day and your body will not produce enough leaving him unsatisfied. If it happens yet a third time I would find a different care giver.

by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 4:03 AM

The above comment sounds great !  As far as your mother in-law and husband, one time is a simple mess up but to do it again after you meticulously explained your self is a complete disrespect of you and I would definitely taken it personal.  Don't cut her off from the baby but don't leave the baby with her any more until you fill she doesn't just see you as a daughter in-law but respects you as a mother.  My husband gets upset some times too if I even mention that there might be something I'm not comfortable with his parents doing and if I just say no with out it being in the form of a question.  Even if he thinks I'm right there is a bond with mother and son and also be careful how you word your conversation to your husband because if he gets offended he wont be listening any more, just reacting.  You need to keep the peace at home especially with new baby stress but don't be afraid to voice your fillings (just delicately)  I hope this helps a little.

by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 4:16 AM

The measure I use for determining how to rate a relatives behavior toward my own child at any age is "would I tolerate this from  any other adult?"

Giving an infant ANYTHING without a mothers direct request is not tolerable. I know a woman whose infant was given something that gave that infant botcalism which came very close to killing that baby. Further the doctors who admitted that baby to the hospital did not properly diagnos that baby as not one of the physicians had seen this in a child so young.

The fact is that when grandparent presumes to usurp parental authority and then belittles a new mother after the fact she is engaging is a form of competion that is inapproriate.

Direct suprevision is the only way to protect an infant and any child at any age. It is very sad that our families are not working functionally and all but oh well.

by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:09 AM

Some babies do eat that much (not saying that yours does). I know a baby  born right after mother's day who every 2 hours feeds on both sides for 20 minutes and then drinks 4 oz of formula. He's been that way since day 1. I would say that your baby was looking for comfort and your mil thought he was hungry. I don't understand why you would send that much milk the second time. Send less so she can't feed him that much.

by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:15 AM

If the baby was hungry, he should eat. A baby isn't going to eat more than he wants. I would rather my babysitter feed my hungry child than deny him food.

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