Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I can't stand it!!!!!!!!!! *EDIT FOR AN UPDATE!*

Posted by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:21 PM
  • 19 Replies

 DD is 2 and a half. She is driving me totally insane! I realy don't know what her problem is! She doesn't listen to a word I or DF say. We tell her not to do something or stay away from something and it's like she doesn't even hear us. She totally tunes us out. Doesn't even acknowledge we said anything. (Her hearing is just fine btw). She acts like an infant. Anytime we say anything to her she cries. We tell her no, she cries. We tell her stay back, she cries. We tell her don't throw things, she cries. We tell her to be quiet, she cries. Everything we say to her, she cries about. Everything we tell her, we have to tell her literally 10 times, and she still doesn't listen to us, just continues doing it. We can't take her over to visit people, or have people come visit us because she freaks out when people are around. She hides from people. She won't talk to anyone and acts like she's terrified of everyone. The other day she screamed her head off crying the entire time a couple friend of ours was here with their baby. She was crying so loud, the whole time, that we couldn't even talk to each other because we couldn't hear each other. She won't ever tell us WHY she's crying either. So we have no idea what her problem is. People never come visit anymore and I know it's because of her. She's that annoying kid that everyone knows and can't stand. She's never good, EVER. I hate to say it, but I honestly can't stand her anymore. She drives me nuts. When I'm home, I want to leave. I want to leave and not come back. I can't deal with her anymore. What the hell is her problem? Why can't she just listen once in a while? Why does she cry CONSTANTLY?? We have tried spanking, time-outs,taking things away, yelling, ignoring her when she cries. We have tried EVERYTHING we can possibly think of. Nothing gets through to this child. I'm really at the end of my rope. I can't take anymore. I need somthing to give here. I don't know what else to do. I love her with everything in me, but I just can't deal with the not listening and especially the constant crying and whining like she's an infant. What the hell is wrong with her? Or is it me?

 

Ok so I took some of the advice you ladies gave me yesterday and am using it today. So far I haven't had a problem with her today! YAY! She is actually behaving and I'm not repeating myself 500 times! It is only 1:30, so we'll see how the rest of the day goes, but so far so good! Thanks for the great advice ladies! Hopefully it continues to work. I realized that maybe she is bored. We are usually hurting for money, so we don't really have much gas in my vehicle, ever. So basically our days consist of sitting in the house with cartoons on all day. I have a 3 week old baby (and before anyone says anything, no this is not why she acts the way she does because she's been acting this way since before I was even pregnant.) so we can't sit outside in the hotness and play until after DF gets home from work, and when that time rolls around, we have other things to do, like preparing and eating dinner and then the clean-up afterwards, then it's bath time at 8 and bedtime at 8:30. BUT, I'm working on getting out to do more things with DD. Me, her, and her baby sister went for an hour and a half long walk early this morning(before it got too hot for baby) at the resevoir, and are going to the park just me and her when DF gets home to take the baby. The park is somethng I've used as a reward for DD if she's good all day. Anyways I just wanted to let you all know that I took your advice and am putting it to use, and so far it's working out great! Thanks so much!

by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:21 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Loved4Sure
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:29 PM

kids are difficult and have their own personalities.

Just from what you wrote it seems like she hears the word 'no' quite a bit.

whatever happened can probably be undone, eventually.

It's ok to feel like you are on the verge, but it not ok to step over the line. As the parent it is your responsibility to seek help and fix the issue and do what works best and is in the long term the most effective.

I personally cannot say how or why it started, but I have seen this type of behavior a lot.

Start by letting your child make small choices/decisions and making her environment as danger free as possible. Expect failiure and be prepared for it and determine in advance how you will deal with it before it happens. Also, you really need to start making physical interventions and stop using your words. Apparently what you say means nothing so you should really not say anything and just remove the source of her frustration, or your daughter from the source. It will not be easy, but eventually it will pay off.

If you expedct your daughter to change herself you will be very disappointed.

Best of luck.

furryg
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:29 PM

Have you tried talking to your pediatrician about this? I'm thinking there's something wrong either physical (maybe she's in pain?) or emotional/psychological. It could be anything but talking to your pediatrician or a child psychologist may give you the answer.

millerbunch
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:30 PM

wow, momma, i feel you..  i know it can be frustrating.  we have all been there..  but i am wondering if there is an underlying problem..  her hearing is just fine you say, but i am wondering if it's something neurological.  i'm not saying there is by any means, just maybe saying..  have you taken her to the pediatrician with your concerns?  have you had her tested for autism? 

i do hope you find the answers you are seeking, it is extremely frustrating not knowing how to make our little ones happy..  hang i there, you will get past this, as will she.. 

but to put your mind at ease, maybe you could contact her pedi? 

**hugs**

myboogiewoogie
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 1:14 PM


Quoting Loved4Sure:

kids are difficult and have their own personalities.

Just from what you wrote it seems like she hears the word 'no' quite a bit.

whatever happened can probably be undone, eventually.

It's ok to feel like you are on the verge, but it not ok to step over the line. As the parent it is your responsibility to seek help and fix the issue and do what works best and is in the long term the most effective.

I personally cannot say how or why it started, but I have seen this type of behavior a lot.

Start by letting your child make small choices/decisions and making her environment as danger free as possible. Expect failiure and be prepared for it and determine in advance how you will deal with it before it happens. Also, you really need to start making physical interventions and stop using your words. Apparently what you say means nothing so you should really not say anything and just remove the source of her frustration, or your daughter from the source. It will not be easy, but eventually it will pay off.

If you expedct your daughter to change herself you will be very disappointed.

Best of luck.

Very well said.  My oldest child was difficult to reach, but responded when I started doing exactly what this poster said to do.  She is an amazing girl now.

I LOVE my girls!

infantrychick
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 2:07 PM


Quoting ashnevlex:

 DD is 2 and a half. She is driving me totally insane! I realy don't know what her problem is! She doesn't listen to a word I or DF say. We tell her not to do something or stay away from something and it's like she doesn't even hear us. She totally tunes us out. Doesn't even acknowledge we said anything. (Her hearing is just fine btw). She doesn't listen because you haven't taught her to.  You tell her something ONCE, then you go over to her and help her with what you asked her to do.  Like if you say "Get down from the chair" and she doesn't, then you take her firmly by the hand and help her to climb down. You also need to make her environment child friendly.  You can't expect a toddler to ONLY touch her own things, she doesn't understand ownership and respecting other people's stuff.  If you put your priceless china somewhere that she can get it, guess what?  It's going to get broken.

She acts like an infant. Anytime we say anything to her she cries. We tell her no, she cries. We tell her stay back, she cries. We tell her don't throw things, she cries. We tell her to be quiet, she cries. Everything we say to her, she cries about.  She's expressing emotion, nothing wrong with that.  If it's over the top tantrum throwing, then you CALMLY tell her that she is welcome to throw a fit, but she needs to go into her room until she is done. 

Everything we tell her, we have to tell her literally 10 times, and she still doesn't listen to us, just continues doing it. Again, you don't keep repeating yourself.  You're teaching her to ignore you.  You tell her ONCE, then you show her what she needs to do.  Calmly.

We can't take her over to visit people, or have people come visit us because she freaks out when people are around. She hides from people. She won't talk to anyone and acts like she's terrified of everyone. The other day she screamed her head off crying the entire time a couple friend of ours was here with their baby. She was crying so loud, the whole time, that we couldn't even talk to each other because we couldn't hear each other. First, you can not force her to socialize.  That will scare her.  Two and a half is a little old for stranger anxiety, but not unheard of.  I would consider asking your pediatrician about this.  Anti-social behavior can be cause for alarm.

She won't ever tell us WHY she's crying either. So we have no idea what her problem is.  Does she have the language skills to do so?  Are you asking her with the genuine attempt to find out and fix what is wrong, or are you approaching her with hostility and telling her to get over whatever it is that is bothering her?

People never come visit anymore and I know it's because of her. She's that annoying kid that everyone knows and can't stand. She's never good, EVER. I hate to say it, but I honestly can't stand her anymore. She drives me nuts. When I'm home, I want to leave. I want to leave and not come back. I can't deal with her anymore. What the hell is her problem? Why can't she just listen once in a while? Why does she cry CONSTANTLY??  Part of her behavior is that she KNOWS that you resent her right now.  Is it completely understandable that you get overwhelmed and depressed, but that YOUR problem NOT HER'S!  There is NO shame in asking for some help for yourself.  Several things you might consider are counseling, medication, anger management, and parenting classes.  Kids don't come with instruction manuals, and parenting classes are great to learn ways to handle issues that you never expected to face as a parent.

We have tried spanking, time-outs,taking things away, yelling, ignoring her when she cries. We have tried EVERYTHING we can possibly think of. Nothing gets through to this child.  Honestly, trying everything doesn't always work because there's no consistency.  In our household, when my twins were challenging 2.5 year olds the consequences were clear.  First, I would come to show them what I required of them.  The second time they were in a two minute time out.  The third time they lost a privilege, such as TV before bed, dessert after dinner, trips to the park, etc.  They always knew what to expect for disobeying.

I'm really at the end of my rope. I can't take anymore. I need somthing to give here. I don't know what else to do. I love her with everything in me, but I just can't deal with the not listening and especially the constant crying and whining like she's an infant. What the hell is wrong with her? Or is it me? No offense and no judgement, but it's you.  Spend more time doing activities with her.  Super schedule your days so that there isn't time to sit around and be frustrated.  I always took my kids out somewhere in public when I got too frustrated because I knew that I would be better able to calmly handle whatever they threw at me!

And as a side note, I would not recommend spanking anymore for your household.  I believe that spanking can be used effectively IF used in love, not in anger.  I suspect with your current frustrations that you would be spanking out of anger.


It is my personal opinion that the reason so many women have self-esteem problems is because we're all such judgemental bitches.

squidsmommy
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 2:14 PM

Very well said, very good advice!

Quoting infantrychick:


Quoting ashnevlex:

 DD is 2 and a half. She is driving me totally insane! I realy don't know what her problem is! She doesn't listen to a word I or DF say. We tell her not to do something or stay away from something and it's like she doesn't even hear us. She totally tunes us out. Doesn't even acknowledge we said anything. (Her hearing is just fine btw). She doesn't listen because you haven't taught her to.  You tell her something ONCE, then you go over to her and help her with what you asked her to do.  Like if you say "Get down from the chair" and she doesn't, then you take her firmly by the hand and help her to climb down. You also need to make her environment child friendly.  You can't expect a toddler to ONLY touch her own things, she doesn't understand ownership and respecting other people's stuff.  If you put your priceless china somewhere that she can get it, guess what?  It's going to get broken.

She acts like an infant. Anytime we say anything to her she cries. We tell her no, she cries. We tell her stay back, she cries. We tell her don't throw things, she cries. We tell her to be quiet, she cries. Everything we say to her, she cries about.  She's expressing emotion, nothing wrong with that.  If it's over the top tantrum throwing, then you CALMLY tell her that she is welcome to throw a fit, but she needs to go into her room until she is done. 

Everything we tell her, we have to tell her literally 10 times, and she still doesn't listen to us, just continues doing it. Again, you don't keep repeating yourself.  You're teaching her to ignore you.  You tell her ONCE, then you show her what she needs to do.  Calmly.

We can't take her over to visit people, or have people come visit us because she freaks out when people are around. She hides from people. She won't talk to anyone and acts like she's terrified of everyone. The other day she screamed her head off crying the entire time a couple friend of ours was here with their baby. She was crying so loud, the whole time, that we couldn't even talk to each other because we couldn't hear each other. First, you can not force her to socialize.  That will scare her.  Two and a half is a little old for stranger anxiety, but not unheard of.  I would consider asking your pediatrician about this.  Anti-social behavior can be cause for alarm.

She won't ever tell us WHY she's crying either. So we have no idea what her problem is.  Does she have the language skills to do so?  Are you asking her with the genuine attempt to find out and fix what is wrong, or are you approaching her with hostility and telling her to get over whatever it is that is bothering her?

People never come visit anymore and I know it's because of her. She's that annoying kid that everyone knows and can't stand. She's never good, EVER. I hate to say it, but I honestly can't stand her anymore. She drives me nuts. When I'm home, I want to leave. I want to leave and not come back. I can't deal with her anymore. What the hell is her problem? Why can't she just listen once in a while? Why does she cry CONSTANTLY??  Part of her behavior is that she KNOWS that you resent her right now.  Is it completely understandable that you get overwhelmed and depressed, but that YOUR problem NOT HER'S!  There is NO shame in asking for some help for yourself.  Several things you might consider are counseling, medication, anger management, and parenting classes.  Kids don't come with instruction manuals, and parenting classes are great to learn ways to handle issues that you never expected to face as a parent.

We have tried spanking, time-outs,taking things away, yelling, ignoring her when she cries. We have tried EVERYTHING we can possibly think of. Nothing gets through to this child.  Honestly, trying everything doesn't always work because there's no consistency.  In our household, when my twins were challenging 2.5 year olds the consequences were clear.  First, I would come to show them what I required of them.  The second time they were in a two minute time out.  The third time they lost a privilege, such as TV before bed, dessert after dinner, trips to the park, etc.  They always knew what to expect for disobeying.

I'm really at the end of my rope. I can't take anymore. I need somthing to give here. I don't know what else to do. I love her with everything in me, but I just can't deal with the not listening and especially the constant crying and whining like she's an infant. What the hell is wrong with her? Or is it me? No offense and no judgement, but it's you.  Spend more time doing activities with her.  Super schedule your days so that there isn't time to sit around and be frustrated.  I always took my kids out somewhere in public when I got too frustrated because I knew that I would be better able to calmly handle whatever they threw at me!

And as a side note, I would not recommend spanking anymore for your household.  I believe that spanking can be used effectively IF used in love, not in anger.  I suspect with your current frustrations that you would be spanking out of anger.



fairysurreale
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 2:54 PM

My daughter (3.5) was the same way until about 2 months ago.  She wouldn't listen, was hitting and biting and throwing huge blow out temper tantrums in public.  We were becoming the parents of "that child" also and I didn't like it.

I took a step back after one horrible day and asked myself, "Why does she do this".  After some soul searching and talking to my immediate family, I came up with one reason: "Me".  I was the one lacking and she was acting out because of the lack of direction.  She was doing almost everything your daughter was doing (except the crying when people were over...she is very social). 

I ended up changing my entire way of discpling her.  It has improved her attitude 100% and I am not so stressed out anymore.  I made a good girl/naughty girl chart with happy and frowny faces that can be velcro'd to the posterboard.  If she is good for a whole day, she gets a happy face.  If she is naughty (not listening, temper tantrums..ect) then she gets a sad face.  If she goes for a whole week being a good girl, she gets to go to Toys R Us and pick out a $10 toy.  If she is naughty for a whole week, then she gets something taken away from her and she has to earn it back.  I also worked on her "problem" areas seperately:

~Not listening (to me or my SO): Instead of asking her a thousand times not to do something and getting no response, I now ask her once.  If she refuses to do it (verbally or through ignoring me), she gets a frowny face on the board (she puts it up) and a time out.  Lets just say that a couple of times putting up a frowny face combined with time out has done the trick.

~Excessive crying- Becky used to do this too when we were at homne.  I came to the conclusion that she was stressed.  Why? Because I was always at her, telling her not to do this, not to do that.  Always yelling at her.  Once I stopped yelling and started to calmly talk to her like a person....the crying went away.  But the temper tantrums didn't.  To me, those are two different things.  If she is screaming whenever someone is over or when you are out, then remove her from the situation.  Don't just sit there and let her scream because yes it is annoying.  And to be honest, people aren't as upset with a baby (or toddler) crying as with parents who won't do anything about it.  That is probably why people aren't coming over or inviting you over to their houses.  As for the anti-social behavior, she is 2 1/2.  If you are concerned about it, talk to her Dr.

~Punishments- You need to be consistent with her punishments.  That means picking one and sticking with it.  But, as a PP stated, I wouldn't go with spankings because you are so frustrated and upset.  Are you yelling at her?  Because yelling can send her stress levels through the roof and cause her to be acting the way she is.

Like I said in the beginning, I have been there with my daughter and I know how frustrating it can be.

 


ashnevlex
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:26 PM

Ok I'm going to try and address everything here......DD knows what she's supposed to do and what she's not supposed to do. She just does what she wants anyway. Half the time she's looking at me smiling AS she does something she knows she's not supposed to do, like she's testing me or seeing if I'm going to get mad or something. Or like she's purposely trying to make me mad. Our home is VERY kid friendly. We keep all dangerous things out of her reach and put away. Once in a while I forget and leave my cell phone sitting in the living room, which she knows she's not alloud to mess with, and as soon as she sees it sitting, she runs for it and starts messing with it, knowing she's going to get in trouble. I also don't force her to socialize. That day she screamed like that, she was hiding from them and nobody had said a word to her once she went and hid. All of a sudden out of nowhere she starts SCREAMING crying, and wouldn't stop for the next half hour. You would've thought someone was killing this girl the way she was hysterically crying for NO REASON! And I repeatedly asked her, in a very calm, loving voice, what was wrong, why is she crying. Over and over I asked her. I kept talking to her trying to calm her down and get her to at least stop crying even if she didn't want to tell me what was wrong. She most definitely has the language skills needed to communicate and tell us what's wrong. She speaks very well, better than most kids her age. That's the only time we have trouble getting her to say something is when we ask her 50 times what's wrong when she's crying or throwing a fit. She just keeps crying and will NEVER tell us. We still to this day have no idea what that shit was all about that day those friends were here.

Quoting infantrychick:


Quoting ashnevlex:

 DD is 2 and a half. She is driving me totally insane! I realy don't know what her problem is! She doesn't listen to a word I or DF say. We tell her not to do something or stay away from something and it's like she doesn't even hear us. She totally tunes us out. Doesn't even acknowledge we said anything. (Her hearing is just fine btw). She doesn't listen because you haven't taught her to.  You tell her something ONCE, then you go over to her and help her with what you asked her to do.  Like if you say "Get down from the chair" and she doesn't, then you take her firmly by the hand and help her to climb down. You also need to make her environment child friendly.  You can't expect a toddler to ONLY touch her own things, she doesn't understand ownership and respecting other people's stuff.  If you put your priceless china somewhere that she can get it, guess what?  It's going to get broken.

She acts like an infant. Anytime we say anything to her she cries. We tell her no, she cries. We tell her stay back, she cries. We tell her don't throw things, she cries. We tell her to be quiet, she cries. Everything we say to her, she cries about.  She's expressing emotion, nothing wrong with that.  If it's over the top tantrum throwing, then you CALMLY tell her that she is welcome to throw a fit, but she needs to go into her room until she is done. 

Everything we tell her, we have to tell her literally 10 times, and she still doesn't listen to us, just continues doing it. Again, you don't keep repeating yourself.  You're teaching her to ignore you.  You tell her ONCE, then you show her what she needs to do.  Calmly.

We can't take her over to visit people, or have people come visit us because she freaks out when people are around. She hides from people. She won't talk to anyone and acts like she's terrified of everyone. The other day she screamed her head off crying the entire time a couple friend of ours was here with their baby. She was crying so loud, the whole time, that we couldn't even talk to each other because we couldn't hear each other. First, you can not force her to socialize.  That will scare her.  Two and a half is a little old for stranger anxiety, but not unheard of.  I would consider asking your pediatrician about this.  Anti-social behavior can be cause for alarm.

She won't ever tell us WHY she's crying either. So we have no idea what her problem is.  Does she have the language skills to do so?  Are you asking her with the genuine attempt to find out and fix what is wrong, or are you approaching her with hostility and telling her to get over whatever it is that is bothering her?

People never come visit anymore and I know it's because of her. She's that annoying kid that everyone knows and can't stand. She's never good, EVER. I hate to say it, but I honestly can't stand her anymore. She drives me nuts. When I'm home, I want to leave. I want to leave and not come back. I can't deal with her anymore. What the hell is her problem? Why can't she just listen once in a while? Why does she cry CONSTANTLY??  Part of her behavior is that she KNOWS that you resent her right now.  Is it completely understandable that you get overwhelmed and depressed, but that YOUR problem NOT HER'S!  There is NO shame in asking for some help for yourself.  Several things you might consider are counseling, medication, anger management, and parenting classes.  Kids don't come with instruction manuals, and parenting classes are great to learn ways to handle issues that you never expected to face as a parent.

We have tried spanking, time-outs,taking things away, yelling, ignoring her when she cries. We have tried EVERYTHING we can possibly think of. Nothing gets through to this child.  Honestly, trying everything doesn't always work because there's no consistency.  In our household, when my twins were challenging 2.5 year olds the consequences were clear.  First, I would come to show them what I required of them.  The second time they were in a two minute time out.  The third time they lost a privilege, such as TV before bed, dessert after dinner, trips to the park, etc.  They always knew what to expect for disobeying.

I'm really at the end of my rope. I can't take anymore. I need somthing to give here. I don't know what else to do. I love her with everything in me, but I just can't deal with the not listening and especially the constant crying and whining like she's an infant. What the hell is wrong with her? Or is it me? No offense and no judgement, but it's you.  Spend more time doing activities with her.  Super schedule your days so that there isn't time to sit around and be frustrated.  I always took my kids out somewhere in public when I got too frustrated because I knew that I would be better able to calmly handle whatever they threw at me!

And as a side note, I would not recommend spanking anymore for your household.  I believe that spanking can be used effectively IF used in love, not in anger.  I suspect with your current frustrations that you would be spanking out of anger.



shesgot4kidz
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:30 PM

OMG i feel you!! i have a 3 year old daughter and a 22 month old son and let me tell you they act like they DONT hear a word i say. i find myself going crazy all day long!! its normal tho.. no theres NOTHING WRONG with your child dont let people tell you that..

your child will grow out of it and i know mine will too!!!!! but not as soon as we would like lol!1

 

hang tight!

CafeMom Tickers




 




 




 




in lovetoddler girltoddler boybaby boyexpecting baby




  Ashley & Tim       khylie Hannah     Malachi David       Ashton TImothy    baby bean :D




 

MrsRStewart
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:33 PM

Two books I can reccommend. 

Shepherding a Child's Heart.  This is a Christian book, and it does talk about spanking your children.  It is an excellent book, but if you aren't a Christian and are anti-spanking, you probably won't like it.

Love and Logic.  This is also a great book.  This is a secular book, and this one is anti-spanking.  There are some things in here, like the no spanking, that I don't agree with, but you have to be discerning when you read and listen to people.  Most of it is very good.


a wedding website

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)