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How do I make her understand? (kind of long)

Posted by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 5:07 PM
  • 6 Replies

How can I make it anymore clear to my MIL that "don't put anything in the crib with him" means "DON'T put ANYTHING in the crib with him!" I am so sick of MIL thinking she knows better than I do for my son and does whatever she pleases with him after I tell her no, or tell her how we do it. My son is 3 months old. The past few times we've been over her house and my son falls asleep she wants us to lay him in her bed surrounded by pillows and blankets unsupervised. Hello? We have a pack and play for him to sleep in. My son doesn't just roll over a little bit. He rolls around and he pushes himself around with his knees, he never stays in one spot when he's sleeping. I've explained to her that he'll either smother or fall off the bed. Finally got her to stop about the bed. Then, we put him in the pack and play, and she tries to cover him with blankets. Again, he'll smother, and even if he wouldn't, its always at least 85 degrees in her house, he'll get overheated. I tell her these things over and over again. It's almost as if she ignores me. I tell her not to put on cartoons and sit him in front of the tv. Its NOT necessary and I don't want him watching tv especially this young.

Yesterday she babysat him for us (it was our anniversary) for a while and before we left I told her how to do everything (again). Well, we got back and she was sitting with him and had cartoons on for him. It would be one thing if the tv was just on and she was playing with him but she was sitting him in front of the tv. She's TEACHING him to watch tv. Then we decided to visit for a while and she was telling us how he only slept in his pack and play for a half hour while she was cooking and he woke up as soon as dinner was ready. So then we got into a conversation about how he doesn't really take good naps during the day. Then she proceeds to tell us "Well, what I did was I layed him on his side and PUT A PILLOW BEHIND HIM to prop him up, and he slept fine." I was pissed. When she saw the look on my face she added " I sat right next to him and watched him the entire time, he was fine." which is BULL because she had just got done saying how she was in the other room cooking while he slept. I'm livid. She is going to kill my child. I don't know how she kept 6 kids alive. I am NOT letting her watch him again until I can be absolutely sure she isn't going to do anything dangerous. I really don't want to hurt her feelings, and I do want her to spend time with her grandson. I have told her time and time again not to put things in the bed with him, so how do I get her to actually understand AND listen to me without being a little bit mean? It is just so easy to make her cry, and my husband is just tries to hint to her that she's doing things wrong. Like alls he said was "We don't put pillows in his bed" so her feelings don't get hurt, but its not working and I just don't trust her at all anymore.

by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 5:07 PM
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Replies (1-6):
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 5:30 PM

Your child must be REALLY advanced because my DD doesn't roll over on her own yet and she is 4 months this Tuesday. I think your MIL means well because my MIL will put my DD on the bed (this was before we gave her our bassonet to use) and put one pill above her head and two on either side and DD will just fall right asleep. I don't see my DD suffacating or anything. So when it comes to my mom or MIL watching DD I trust them that they know what they are doing. And for the TV? I can understand not wanting to teach a child to watch TV, but its not like your child is watching TV all the time. But look, you know what is right for your son, so all the power to ya. Just lay down the law and if she don't listen then she don't get to watch your child that much if at all, but you can visit and monitor what she does so she can see him and not do what you don't want cuz you are right there. Good luck, mama! 

by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 5:57 PM

First of all it sounds like your husband is in one mind with you and that's great!!!  As for me it would be hard to tell her with out hurting her but I'm the type of person that eventually would just be point blank as I cant hint to her for the rest of my baby's life.  I don't know much about baby's yet as far as sleeping & ect.  But I understand expecting some one to respect your wishes.  And for the mom in-law crying - I cant stand people that cry for no reason!!!  I'm so there if some one is crying from real emotional pain but I know people like my Aunt.  She cried (with tears) when I told her she cant smoke in my car and it was just a 30 minute ride.  It's like there children, crying because they where told NO.  If this is your case, it was mine.  Good Luck

CafeMom Tickers
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 6:22 PM

I would give her material about SIDS, articles from the internet or something. Back when your mil was a mom they probably weren't taught about SIDS. Sounds like she just needs to be educated on the topic and if she's not willing to do as you ask then she doesn't need to be watching your children.

by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 6:29 PM

I think you are right to do what you know is best for your child. She has no right to go against what you ask. My husband and I have agreed that our babies will never be left alone with his mom, she is like that too. Good luck.

by Platinum Member on Jul. 5, 2009 at 6:38 PM

  Don't leave the baby with her.It's that easy ! If you don't like what she does then don't have her babysit.

by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 6:39 PM

Tell her that this is YOUR child and if she ever wants to watch your baby again to listen to how you want your baby raised. Say you had your time being a mom and now its YOUR turn to be a mom. I had to tell my step dad and mom to never tell me what to do with my child because they don't have a say in how I decide to parent. My mom and step dad realize I'm not the baby anymore and let up on me. I am only 23 so it was a little harder on my mom to realize I might know how to raise my child and will ask for her help when I need it.

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