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I'm Writing a Book for Women and I Need Mom/Women Stories!!!!

Posted by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 6:35 PM
  • 11 Replies

Hello Ladies . . . I'm a "write at home mom" and my latest project begins.  I am writing a book compiling tales about women and their plumbing, based on real life occurrences in and out of the stirrups.  I'm hoping this book will let women laugh at themselves, be less self-conscious and more self-confident.  Because laughter is good for us, (some fancy news story told me so). 

 I want to tell your tale.  I'm looking for stories that take place during gynecological exams, during labor, during waxings/etc, at the store in the women's aisle, "toy" stories, sex, etc.  Basically anything that takes place down there.  (I think you get the idea).  And if I've missed a category, add it for me.  I'm looking for funny quotes, embarrassing situations, funny reactions, tales of the misinformed to the misunderstood, perhaps child's reactions to Mommy's stuff (take that anyway you want).  Even if you're not sure if it's funny send it anyway. Either email brandy@talesfromthestirrups.com me the stories or go to my website and add them to my blog.  Thank you so much for allowing me to tell your tales!  Happy Memories! 

http://talesfromthestirrups.com

by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 6:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LoveMyBugs
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 6:49 PM

Alright, I'll bite.

A couple months after my 3rd daughter was born I had to get my Mirena put in and because hubby was deployed and we didn't know anyone here on base I had to take all 3 kids with me. So I go to the Doctors. Two of them are in a stroller and one sitting like a big girl in the chair. One blonde and Two red heads. The Doctor, the husband of the woman I normally see comes in to put in my Mirena. He comes in, commenting about what beautiful children I have. I say thanks. Then he does the Doctor thing, relax the legs and all that. Then he says (and I nearly died right there of embarrassment!)

"Guess Mommy's not a real red head. Or blonde for that matter."

Nope... I'm a brunette.

Then the nurse says, "If I dyed my hair for every child I had I would end up with racing stripes."

Then the Doctor says, "Hmm, I think I've heard of diseases like that..."

Meanwhile I'm laying there ready to either burst out laughing or melt into the table of embarrassment. They were trying to take my mind off the pain of the Mirena being put in but it was the most embarrassing thing the Doctor or nurse had ever said/done.

southernjess3
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 7:06 PM

I have a 3 yo dd..well sometimes i have to take her into the bathroom with me..well one day my tampon leaked and i changed my panties and went to wash my dirty ones..and i guess she saw them, because at a family function a few weeks later, she got diareah and started crying.. i was getting her cleaned up with her grandmas helping me..suddenly, she says " its ok..this happens to mommys underwear too"...i was so embarrased..they thought she was saying i shit myself..lol

firstbaby10
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 7:08 PM

ok i have a good one for ya!

a few months i changed salons because the girl that usually did it moved away and i typically go every 8 weeks to get the "down there" waxed well because this was a new place i felt a little akward lying on the table half naked while the girl was talking to me and i guess trying to break the ice, well as she is putting the hot wax on me she begins to tell me about the lady that was in right before for her first waxing ever.... i just looked at her and nodded ...this women began to tell me about this other ladies bush!!! and how masive it was and how she praticly needed a lawn mower to trim it down and how she was screaming and blah blah blah. I am laying here looking at this girl like wow ok to much information and just ignored it. as we are finishing up and she is wiping the rest of the wax off she turns toward the trash can and looks at the chair and says "oh looks like she will be needing to come back" (meaning the crazy bush lady) and picks up a purple wallet.. which i relize i have seen before ...hoping to god i wasnt thinking what i was. well she leaves the room and i get dressed and walk out to pay her and yup to my disappointment i had thought right. i had just listen to my waxing girl tell me a horror story of my MOTHER IN LAWS BUSH! and we had dinner plans with them that night to announce our pregnacy i couldnt even look at her the whole night because all i could think about was 1. she had a bush, and 2. she got it waxed off for later that night which they had hinted at and were all close to one another ( my father and mother in law) all night. It was so akward and i was dying to tell my husband ...so what did i do i told him and the look on his face was priceless ......needless to say we left for home early still to this day it is weird to look at her i just about died that day at dinner!

charmgirl
by Bronze Member on Jul. 28, 2009 at 8:12 PM

OMMG!!! i'm so sorry for your embarassment but i really REALY  needed that laugh.

Quoting southernjess3:

I have a 3 yo dd..well sometimes i have to take her into the bathroom with me..well one day my tampon leaked and i changed my panties and went to wash my dirty ones..and i guess she saw them, because at a family function a few weeks later, she got diareah and started crying.. i was getting her cleaned up with her grandmas helping me..suddenly, she says " its ok..this happens to mommys underwear too"...i was so embarrased..they thought she was saying i shit myself..lol


Kim139
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 8:30 PM

 When I was pregnant with my last son, my middle son Tyler (who was 5 at the time)  went with me to what I thought was just a regular check up but when the dr. came in she said that I had missed a certain test the last time I was there and that she wanted to do it now... well I say ok but that my son was with me and was it ok... she says yes that it will only take a minute or two. I tell my son to stay up by mommy's head so the dr. could examine me... well, the look on his face was priceless, he looked at me with big eyes and says Oh, mommy are you having the baby now? What is she doing? umm, mommy, shouldnt daddy be here instead of me? I was trying so hard not to laugh but along with him saying all of this he is leaning his head a little trying to look but trying not to look, it was hilarious, even the dr. got a chuckle out of all of his questions, I lost it though when he said "shouldn't daddy be here instead of me?" 

dosthepost
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 8:43 PM

Idk, my doc is so open and honest... I have never had anyone tell me much about what was going on down there while they were working. LOL. So when I went in a while ago and she said "Boy YOU'RE sure red down here!" It made my face burn... LOL. I was like, really? That's all I could say. I've had funny urges to fart while spread eagle... that's not fun. 

       

aprilwasson
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 8:44 PM

lol that reminds me of the 1st time my husband went to one of my visits where they took those metal spreaders and he was down there in a chair and when they opened up those spreaders his eyes got 10x their normal size and he just couldnt take his eyes off of it. he was about to have a heart attack.

i have a good story though. i am a week away from delivering my son by csection and a few weeks ago i was feeling a bit of pressure and hadent thought anything of it. well i had been out in the weeds at my parents house and had tiny seed ticks crawling on me. well i asked my hubby to check me down there and make sure there were no run aways tryin to find their way...well yea you know. anyways he started freaking out and saying something is wrong with it and you need to go to the er. i was like what..whats wrong with me. he said its swollen and started poking at it. i started laughing and was telling him how they do that when you get further along sometimes from the pressure and i started coughing...what a great time to cough. he once again gets those huge eyes and says OMG the baby is comin out. i was starting to freak out. he said something like pertruded out. so what does he do now...takes out his camera phone and snaps a pic as i continue coughing. i didnt know he had the phone next to him btw lol..im not that sick. he holds up the phone and shows me and its like this purple god only knows what and yea it did look horrible. i had a doc appt the next day and asked and he said i was ok and i would survive. just the swelling making things inside swell as well. now every time we go to do anything he freaks out and has to look. he wont even go near it til i take a shower and make the swelling go down LOL

Quoting Kim139:

 When I was pregnant with my last son, my middle son Tyler (who was 5 at the time)  went with me to what I thought was just a regular check up but when the dr. came in she said that I had missed a certain test the last time I was there and that she wanted to do it now... well I say ok but that my son was with me and was it ok... she says yes that it will only take a minute or two. I tell my son to stay up by mommy's head so the dr. could examine me... well, the look on his face was priceless, he looked at me with big eyes and says Oh, mommy are you having the baby now? What is she doing? umm, mommy, shouldnt daddy be here instead of me? I was trying so hard not to laugh but along with him saying all of this he is leaning his head a little trying to look but trying not to look, it was hilarious, even the dr. got a chuckle out of all of his questions, I lost it though when he said "shouldn't daddy be here instead of me?" 


cristina0709
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 9:32 PM

ok so you know how you usually get a pap smear early in your pregnancy? well i heard it can cause a M/C, and when i lost my first after a pap smear i was freaked. so we decided to wait a while befre getting one done. anyways, when i do get it done my DF was sitting aside watching and waiting for it to be done. when the doctor went to do whatever to my cervix, a second later i watch my DF's eyes bulge out of his head and he starts to look viciously angry. he looks at me and then looks away when i smile at him. hes still looking at the doctor super angry. anyways, when the pap smear is done and she leaves so i can get dressed he keeps asking if im ok. i tell him yes im fine and he glares at the door and says 'she made you bleed. she didnt freak out and do anything about it. why did she make you bleed? is the baby ok?' thats when i realize what was wrong. usually after a pap smear youmay bleed a little, and he didnt know that. i tried to comfort him and explain that the cervix is so sensative that it may bleed a little. he still looked angry after we left. but his face when he first saw the blood was... wow.

well, my son didnt go poo for a while after we got home. i was worried like crazy. then i read somewhere that it can be normal because the baby needs so many nutrients that there is nothing left to poo out. anywyas, one day he finally goes. my DF and i hear him grunting and congradulate him like crazy. well i was changing him while my DF went to get the camera he had this crazy idea that we should get a picture of his first poopy at home lmao) and while he was gone i took care of the diaper. i opened it, wiped him up, threw the diaper away, and when i was getting ready to put on the new one my DF comes in and was like 'hey i was supposed to get a picture!' i told him i didnt want him sitting in it and why do we need a picture of his first poop? lol anyways, i lift my DS up and place the new diaper under him. i notice a spot i missed so i grabbed a new baby wipe. when i went to wipe his bottom i suddenly hear him grunt. POP!! out pops another one... right into the baby wipe!!!! my DF laughs so hard he almost missed taking the picture. since it was part of the first half he considered it still the first poop at home. LMAO!!!

my DF and i were gonna bathe our DS for the first time. my DF gets DS undressed while i fill the baby tub. my DF stands next to me as im finishing up when suddenly i hear him cry out. i freaked thinking that he dropped DS so i wipe around forgetting i had the detachable showerhead in my hand and spray everywhere. i look at my DF as he pulls DS away from him and under DS there is a huge wet mark. 'He peed on me!!' my DF cried out laughing.

Sorry i wrote so much but i had lots of funnies. anyways, i think this is enough to i will leave you one more...

ok so when my water broke at 7:45 am, my DF and i started to get ready for the hospital. he had to pick up everything because the slightest bend and i gushed more water. (thank god we were getting rid of our throw rug lol) on the way to the hospital we stop at the bank to deposit his check so we dont go into the negative. when i get to the hospital i have to stop every minute because of the contractions. i couldnt use a wheelchair because for some reason is hurt way worse than walking, so i was forced to walk down the hall then into the elevator up 4 flights. funny thing is it was full and we had to stop at EVERY floor between when we got on and the floor we needed to get to. when i finally get to my room they ask me to pee for them. are you kidding!!! i cant even sit how can i use the potty? i had so much pressure i couldnt concentrate enough to pee. i got frustrated and threw the pee cup and waddled out to the room. i sat on the bed with my feet hanging off as my DF stood in front of me holding me and a nurse kept pressure on my back because of the back labor. i get checked and she tried to talk to me but i was screaming so much i couldnt hear. so she told me DF that i was 9 cm and when i tell him i need to push to let them know. suddenly i feel a contraction and more water GUSHES out of me and falls on the floor. i felt like i was forcing myself to pee. then i realized i was oushing without wanting to. my body was just doing it. so i tell my DF and he tells the nurse. they get me laid on my side and i swear i almost fell asleep cuz i thought the contractions stopped. nope!! suddenly i feel one and push. after two more i see my DF's eye widden HUGE!!! i hear the doctor say that the baby is there. i reach down and feel this tiny bubble gum sized flesh thing. WTF my babys head isnt that small i think. (turns out it was just bunched skin lol) the doctor reach to the baby and i watch my DF look at what they were doing with a horrified look on his face. i was going to ask what was going on but i feel the push again. after a full 10 minutes of pushing hes here. later i asked why my DF looked so horrified and sick and he saye when all the skin was bunched up they stuck there fingers in it. he thought they were feeling through his soft spot into his brain. lol. oh yea, right once my DS emerged he pooped. my DF was happy about that. he said if our DS pooped inside he would never 'kiss' down there again. i told him all the fluid is in the uterus was the babys urine cuz he pees. lmao. you should have seen my DF's face.

sorry to write so much. that is it. lmao

Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker Lilypie

amymarie0315
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 9:35 PM

At my last OB appointment before my son was born (early) I had recently shaven my "area". During my exam, my OB told me I did a good job down there. Then she asked me if I had help. I didn't exactly know what to say... so I thanked her and said I did it myself. She asked me how I could see. I told her I used the feel and pray method!

That was... interesting... and kind of uncomfortable! My husband of course thought it was funny and joked about her being a lesbian! (No offense to anyone!)

aprilmayjune84
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 9:49 PM

This story isn't nearly as good as some of the other ones you ladies have told, but I was at my first pregnancy appointment.  My husband was with me.  We were in the examination room waiting for the midwife, and he started playing with some of the things up on the table that they had spread out for my pap smear..  He grabbed the (I don't know what it's called) thing that opens you up down there.. and he was playing with it, looking through the hole while opening and closing it, and making it "eat" my knee...  I was just laughing histerically the whole time until he asked me what was so funny... I asked him if he'd ever seen one of those before, and if he knew what it was used for.. He obviously said no..  I than enjoyed giving him all of the gruesome details..  He put it down and got a little red  Than, when it was time for my actual exam..  It was all I could do but to laugh, and he was as white as a ghost and had to sit down.. Men are just like kids!!

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