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Am I overreacting?

Posted by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 11:58 AM
  • 6 Replies
So this morning when I drop the kids off this morning, this kid (we'll call him A) walks up to my son (we'll call him D) and gets in his face, practically nose to nose but A is shorter than D.  This always bugs me and last time he did it MY face was there cause I was kissing D on the cheek goodbye and he called D a name.  Well today he walks up and I said "Back up A" and then I said something about Dillon coming home telling me all the new words A has taught him over the past week...Bad words four letter words.  His teacher goes "Well, Dillon can come up with some of his own and we've had to talk to him a bunch"  So I'm mad and talk to Dillon and tell Miss R (His morning teacher) I want a report everyday cause I pick him up and Miss K (his afternoon teacher) says he was great.  She says ok.
Here's what I'm upset about and know I should keep my mouth shut..but can I really?
a.) Really? comparing D to A....the kids who gets in trouble daily!  If my kid is that bad then I should have been notified a LONG time ago!
b.) She implied that D was making up bad words then she said "well we've had trouble with Dillon at nap time, throwing his stuffed animal, singing, etc"  That does not sound comparable to the four letter words that A taught D.
c.)  Am I really that bad of a parent?
d.)  Am I too high and mighty that she needed to put me in my place by saying hey your kid is not perfect. 
e.) Why am I finding out this week that BOTH of my kids have behavior problems??
OK so this is more of a rant then a question.
I'm really upset though, I feel horrible that I may have "those kids"...... Am I over reacting?  Do I expect too much out of my kids?  I don't expect them to be perfect but getting in trouble at school is not ok with me!  Sorry I'm ranting, I've cried all morning at work, I just feel like a failure as a mom.  I don't want to have kids with behavior problems....The hard part is my son has always been the "good one" and my daughter was always the active one with a few temper issues...
by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 11:58 AM
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by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 12:03 PM

A lot of it, IMO, depends on the age of your kids.  I'm guess since they have nap time they are still little and all of this sounds normal to me.  If your little one isn't wanting to take a nap, which to me is what it sounds like, talk to the teachers about him not taking a nap at that time.  I'm pretty laid back, but it all sounds normal and little stuff that you shouldn't make a huge deal over.

by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 12:08 PM

I don't think you're over-reacting by being concerned and a little worried...but I do think  you're beating yourself up a bit because your child is acting like a typical kid.  There is nothing wrong with your expectations: you expect your children to behave and want to be notified if there's a problem so you can address it.  If you don't know of a problem, how can you talk to him about it?  Whether the other kid is getting in trouble or not, they should have been informing you all along if there were "issues" with your son. (Honestly, it doesn't sound like he's got any out-there, red-flag problems.  It sounds like a typical kid who's pushing the limits of what the teacher will allow.)

The teacher's reaction is pretty typical (I'm a teacher, too)...if one parent complains about a student, we tend to try to keep things balanced out and in perspective.  I think she should have acknowledged your concerns, however and made sure you didn't feel like she was comparing the two. 

You are not a bad parent, you did well by asking the teacher for a daily report since she felt the need to bring stuff to your attention.  You are not expecting too much and your kid sounds like a normal kid.   Don't beat yourself up about it, though.  Allowing it to effect the rest of your day will only put you in a crappy mood when you pick them up...and then you won't have been able to think through it all calmly before dealing with it.

by Gold Member on Aug. 12, 2009 at 12:13 PM

I do not think the teacher should have addressed you like that. The thing you were discussing is not comparable to what your son does at nap time. What you were discussing with her is a serious concern. The nap thing is pretty normal...especially for toddlers. The things that make me upset at my dd and school is when they do not following directions. Does your son throw toys and act like that at nap time at home. If not, it may be more of a power struggle with the morning teacher. My dd and kinder teacher did not get along well last year....and I was a teacher at the school. I would try to talk to him depending on age. I do hold high expectations for my kids, but in reality kids do have their own personalities and nothing can change that.

by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 12:23 PM

Maybe the teachers felt the issues was an isolated incident and felt that since it was not occuring all the time they felt the problem was taken care of and you were not needed to be notified. I don't think they meant harm to you, but just saying for the future please let me know about things like that so I can be aware of it and help him at home. If a nap is an issue talk to the teacher and your child about it.

It is so much better to work with the teachers and not against them.

by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 12:24 PM
I think the teacher was just trying to point out that ALL kids do things wrong, so don't harp on the one like crazy. No kid is perfect. They all misbehave. Your son is gonna learn those words, you just have to be there to teach him it's disrespectful. As for your boy, take it easy! He's just a kid learn the ropes of life. I wouldn't get all worked up about it.

 Chazz     Rocco    Joey

baby boybaby boybaby boy

  06-24-02   09-05-05   09-15-08

by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 12:28 PM

Thank you for the sound advice ladies.  My son is 4 1/2 and doesn't nap anymore but they make them lay on there cots and look at books in the same room as the other kids.  I know it annoys the teachers cause it's more work for them during nap (I taught preschool so I know that nap is a teachers quiet time too).

You are right when I taught I used to get mad when another parent would talk about another kid and I did want to say "well your kid is not perfect"  I'm sure it came across worse than what she meant because she was defending the other kid.

I do have very high expectations of my kids cause I did teach and I know the stuff teachers say behind kids and parents backs.  I just need to remember that most of the teachers there do not have kids yet (I didn't either when I taught) and they will eat many of the words they spoke after they have kids.  I need to let it not bother me.

Thanks again, I think it was just the combo of both kids being in trouble and other issues that have been arising at daycare.

Hugs to you all and thank you for the support!

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