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My boyfriend's a mama's boy & I'm so tired of it. Similar posts.... STILL need advice. I really appreciate it!

Posted by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 9:43 AM
  • 32 Replies

 ok, so if you're reading this, i'm sure you have read my previous posts on the same topic.. My boyfriend .. and more recently, his mother. My boyfriend and I will be together 2 years this February. Hes not my dd's bio-dad, but she only knows bf. His name is Jason and my dd's name is Liv. Liv and I live with my dad .. Jason has his own house but his 88 yr old gram lives with him. Jason is a mama's boy and he's 26. His mom comes over does his laundry, cleans (more of just surface cleaning- which i find just gross.), puts his laundry away, cooks and when she doesnt cook, she gets him something for dinner from somewhere. She calls him constantly if we me him and Liv go anywhere on the weekends. She pretty much complains and moans if he doesnt sit home with his grandmother.

I'm not in any rush to live with my boyfriend or to make any sort of big changes in our relationship.. but the thing of it is, i'm scared that DOWN THE ROAD, when I am ready to take the next step, we won't be able to do that for several reasons. I think he's ok with his mom doing all of this crap for him. She actually recently interrogated me (I always thought she liked me, but I guess I was wrong) and told me that until the day she dies, aslong as her son needs her, she'll always take care of him.. and she asked me what my intentions are with Jason and if I plan on being with him... NO, I plan on getting my child attached to him so i can rip her away from him and hurt her!  I just don't get this woman, why would she ask me that!! She also told me to play games with her son... and when he wants to see me, tell him that i'm busy and don't spend time with him. She also told me my moms a bitch for having me do my own laundry at 14 yrs old. I just think my mom wanted me to learn responsibilities.  I tried telling Jason this and he got pissed off and didnt want to talk about it.

I have brought this up to my bf awhile ago, and his mom only does this because she comes over to do it for her mother (who lives with Jason) and when his gram passes, his mom will stop doing it all. I don't believe that she will though. I really feel like i'm in a dead end relationship and that there's just no room for me and Liv. I don't know what to do though because I love him and I want to be with him.

I mean it's just messed up. Wouldnt a man at his age want to have a woman in his life (other than his mommy) to settle down with and be with? I don't get it. When we're out, everyone mistakes me for his wife. He doesnt  correct them.. but I'm sure they just assume that as two grown adults - we might as well be married, or atleast in a more committed relationship.

I'm just really scared that this is going to go on forever & I don't want that. I also told him that I would never live with him aslong as I'm just his girlfriend. I would need to know he's committed and atleast be engaged.  

I know that everyone is probably sick of this.. but for anyone that knows what it's like to be in a relationship and not be your happiest, you can probably relate somehow.. I just need some advice!

by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 9:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
dreamerinluv
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 9:55 AM

Im so sorry for you....but a medling MIL is VERY hard to get rid of.....and as much as your BF says he doesnt like "mommys" attention HE DOES.....or else he would put a stop to it....I really wish things turn around for you. 

~~ If I had Skittles in my mouth.......would you come and taste the rainbow ?~~

Mommy2twoboyz22
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 9:55 AM
I can kinda sorta relate.my husband has a cousin who is just stuck to glue to my man and was coming over like every day and wouldent leave.it was causing big problems because dh wouldent tell him to leave.i finally told him either it has to change or im gone.he hasent come over near as much and we are much happier.if he is going to let his mom treat you like that and be so attached to her id give him an altumadum.at least if he chose his mom over you you would be out of a dead end relationship before it hurts your daughter too bad
Im lindsey a young sah married christian church-going,bible-believing,non-gay supporting,100% pro-life mom with 2 boys ages 2 and 2 months.i vaccinate my kids,use formula,use cio method,prop my babies bottle sometimes,spank as form of disipline and i love my kids very much.
coffeeluvnmom3
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 9:57 AM

Well, you want a relationship with him and not his mom and you can't change a person so if you don't like him how he is now then run the other direction. My ex-husband was and still is a mamas boy....it is almost nauseating..lol.

There is nothing wrong with a mom and son having a good relationship, but it is wrong when the mom is interfering with his relationship....just keep that in mind.

livsmama1003
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 9:59 AM


Quoting coffeeluvnmom3:

Well, you want a relationship with him and not his mom and you can't change a person so if you don't like him how he is now then run the other direction. My ex-husband was and still is a mamas boy....it is almost nauseating..lol.

There is nothing wrong with a mom and son having a good relationship, but it is wrong when the mom is interfering with his relationship....just keep that in mind.

I completely agree. theres nothing wrong with having a good relationship... but at 26 and she's still buying his boxers and folding his laundry???? somethings not right.

Yevora
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 10:08 AM

I can relate, but my situation is that my husband was spoiled by his mother, sisters, and grandmother all of his life so when I came along, of course he just expected the same thing from me.  I can relate about being in a relationship and not really being as happy as you would like.  I feel the same way because I love my husband, but I am tired of him not being able to say NO to his family.  We may not be broke, but if my husband continues to loan out money and not get it back we will be.  I mean we have a son and a daughter on the way.  When will say no.  I think that you should take a long hard look and decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with him feeling the way that you do. If not then it may be time to move on, but I think you should let him know how you feel and let his mother know as well.  You will feel a lot better and know exactly what to do. 

coffeeluvnmom3
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 10:13 AM


Quoting livsmama1003:


Quoting coffeeluvnmom3:

Well, you want a relationship with him and not his mom and you can't change a person so if you don't like him how he is now then run the other direction. My ex-husband was and still is a mamas boy....it is almost nauseating..lol.

There is nothing wrong with a mom and son having a good relationship, but it is wrong when the mom is interfering with his relationship....just keep that in mind.

I completely agree. theres nothing wrong with having a good relationship... but at 26 and she's still buying his boxers and folding his laundry???? somethings not right.

Yeah, that would rub me the wrong way too. With that you have to keep in mind if you are to continue this relationship and have a family with him down the road what kind of help is he going to be to you? Have you ever seen "everybody loves Raymond"? The mom living across the road and coming over everyday...lol.....ugghhh that would be hell.

livsmama1003
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 10:16 AM

God. what a nightmare. According to his mom, she wants him to settle down and be with him and she said she would always be there IF things didnt work out between him and I. For some reason I don't beleive that though. She makes his friggin lunch and folds his laundry for gods sake.

Quoting coffeeluvnmom3:


Quoting livsmama1003:


Quoting coffeeluvnmom3:

Well, you want a relationship with him and not his mom and you can't change a person so if you don't like him how he is now then run the other direction. My ex-husband was and still is a mamas boy....it is almost nauseating..lol.

There is nothing wrong with a mom and son having a good relationship, but it is wrong when the mom is interfering with his relationship....just keep that in mind.

I completely agree. theres nothing wrong with having a good relationship... but at 26 and she's still buying his boxers and folding his laundry???? somethings not right.

Yeah, that would rub me the wrong way too. With that you have to keep in mind if you are to continue this relationship and have a family with him down the road what kind of help is he going to be to you? Have you ever seen "everybody loves Raymond"? The mom living across the road and coming over everyday...lol.....ugghhh that would be hell.


livsmama1003
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 10:32 AM

 Nobody else has any advice?

imechard
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 10:37 AM

Now is a good point to decide if that is what you want in a relationship. He will expect you to 'mother' him and his mom will be meddling in all your affairs. Being a momma boy is hard to break and it sounds like he is happy with it. She is going to comment on everything that you do, or don't do for him and it will cause trouble between you. And he will probably always choose her side in things, and that is hard to deal with without it causing trouble.

livsmama1003
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 10:42 AM

I think about it everyday and as much as I love him, I really don't know what to do. I guess I'm just hanging onto the hope that one day we'll have a normal relationship.

Quoting imechard:

Now is a good point to decide if that is what you want in a relationship. He will expect you to 'mother' him and his mom will be meddling in all your affairs. Being a momma boy is hard to break and it sounds like he is happy with it. She is going to comment on everything that you do, or don't do for him and it will cause trouble between you. And he will probably always choose her side in things, and that is hard to deal with without it causing trouble.


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