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Is this wrong? PLEASE READ FIRST!!!!!

Posted by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:13 PM
  • 13 Replies

 

Poll

Question: PLEASE READ FIRST!!!!!Would it be wrong if I filled out job applications online for my boyfriend without his knowledge???

Options:

So wrong!!!!

You have a right to.

Other...


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Total Votes: 31

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I am 19. I have two kids(2 years and 8 months.) My boyfriend is also 19. I am a SAHM and my boyfriend works at a subsidized job(His employer is paid by the state to hire people for 6 months so they get job experience and training.) We are on state assistance(just for a year so we can get on our feet) which is why he has the job in the first place. He could have been working since he was 16(He was lazy and chose not to.I chose to focus on school.) He didn't get a job after our first was born and remained unemployed until Feb. of this year(Our second was born Jan. 2.)

 He works 30 hours a week, gets 3 days off, and makes $8.55 an hour($902.44 a month.) We get $105 from the state so all together we get $1,007.44 a month after taxes. $350 goes to rent(We live with my Mom. I have been trying to get my boyfriend to save money so we can move out.) About $100+ goes to diapers(Any extra is out of our money from the state.) Leaving us with $452.44 of the money he gets paid. I pay $36 for car insurance out of the $105, leaving $69 for extra expenses for the kids.

He wants $100 out of the $452.44(since he works for it.) I think that is unfair. So that leaves $352.44 to save a month. The apartments we want to rent are about $450-500 a month, plus the $400 deposit to rent there, and $70 for 2 application fees. I want to save at least 3 months rent plus the deposit. I also don't want to move during the winter so we are screwed.

His subsidized job ends in less then a month. Then he will be on full-time work search not getting paid at all. He has not even tried to find a job! I didn't graduate so I need to get my GED(No one will hire a high school dropout.) and then I'll go to college. After I am trained I'll get a job.

But anyways now that you know the background... I was thinking about filling out applications online for him. Would it be wrong? I mean there is no guarantee he will follow through and he may get pissed but I am desperate. I an stopping our state assistance in Jan. and we will have NO MONEY if he doesn't get off his a** and get a damn job.

(Also I know I could work but with out a HS diploma or GED most people wouldn't hire me and I want to raise my kids not put them in daycare.)

 

by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
monkeysmom2003
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:17 PM

he needs to grow a pair and start looking for a full time job ...

I would love to have some amigas !! that
also speak Spanish .(I'm Mexican but raised in the USA) I'm a stay at
home mom of two kids  . a five year old boy and a two year old girl .
they are my world .. my dh is American and we met in high school .we
got secretly married on march 19 2003.. during spring break .  and on
our honeymoon we each went to our own home to sleep , also i do believe
in a god , but not in the bible. so if you will like to know me better
send me a friend request .. O yeah I write better in Spanish!

mamad122
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:17 PM

I don't think it's that wrong. I would give him a list and tell him that you're going to do it before so that it gives him the opportunity to step up and he doesn't feel like you're just manipulating him kwim? Good luck!!

 Pregnancy Ticker 

   in love    toddler girl  expecting baby
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NO1LKME3
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:17 PM

 Wow, you are a baby yourself.

While I see where you want to look out for your family, you cannot force him to man up.  If you have to go behind his back and fill out applications, there is a problem.

So, you fill these out and he gets one of the jobs....then what?  He will know you did it.  Will he want and take the job?  Are you ready to face that fight when he finds out you went behind his back?

Just TALK to him....communication is the key to a strong relationship.

I am 37.  I got married the first time at 19.  It did not last.  TALK TO EACH OTHER.

Candie~~

 

   


I have been a mom for 17+ years....I have been there, done that, seen it all and probably have the scars to prove it.


~We wanted to do a domestic open adoption so our daughter could know her birthfamily. Our daughters birthmother chose not to abort her, how could we abort our daughters birthmother from our lives.~

modelmom04
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:19 PM

I don't think it is a good idea.  You can fill them out, but if he does not follow through with them then he is not going to get hired anyway.  If by chance someone does call he is not going to know what they are talking about.  Maybe sit down with him and you guys can fill them out together online so that you know that he is doing something.  Good luck. 

JasonsMom2007
by Platinum Member on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:21 PM

IMO moving into an apartment with a boy who has no desire to take care of his family is a HUGE mistake!  You are going to have to make a choice IMO, either get a job and let him be a SAHD (it is not that difficult to get a GED) or do not move out.  You can fill out applications for him but you cannot force him to get a job and be responsible!

 














MommyOnLI
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:24 PM

its totally wrong... you can go and get your GED without putting your DC into daycare.. many people do it...

so you can go and get a job too...

to do something behind his back is childish and very immature and will only cause more problems in the long run

PillarsMom
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:29 PM

It's his choice to look for another job, not yours to make for him.

What you can (and should) do is find those jobs and bookmark them for him, then when he has a day off you can say to him, "Hey, I know this job ends in a month, so I looked up some jobs online for you and bookmared them. Why don't you fill the applications out? You can do it online, you don't even have to go anywhere." 

Approaching it in a way that is supportive and not "look you lazy bum, get a real job" might work out better.  

 

KylersMom8-16-7
by Bronze Member on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:53 PM

Thanks everyone for replying. I have tried to fill out apps. with him. I have book marked them too. He will start to fill them out, get frustrated(because he doesn't want to do it.), and says he'll do it later(then he NEVER does!!!) I don't trust him to go out and fill them out because he has told me he had and a few months later admitted he had done nothing!!!! I don't know what else to do. I am at the end of my rope. I try talking to him but he automatically gets mad if a conversations involves money or he brings up the fact I don't have a job(even though we both agreed I'd stay home with the kids.)

KylersMom8-16-7
by Bronze Member on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:59 PM


Quoting JasonsMom2007:

 You are going to have to make a choice IMO, either get a job and let him be a SAHD (it is not that difficult to get a GED) or do not move out. 

Ha him be a SAHD. He changes on average 2 diapers a day for my older son, he spends his time: working, hanging out with his friends, playing video games, spending time with me and the boys(In order of what he does most.) I take care of my youngest alone except when my Mom helps. I am getting my GED ASAP with my Mom's help(She'll babysit when I have to take pre ans post tests.)

KylersMom8-16-7
by Bronze Member on Aug. 28, 2009 at 5:03 PM


Quoting MommyOnLI:

you can go and get your GED without putting your DC into daycare.. many people do it...

I am getting my GED now, starting college next Spring, and then getting a job.

so you can go and get a job too...

Not without putting my kids in daycare, which I won't do until my youngest gets all his first year shots. The daycare is on the College Campus so I can peek in on them.


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