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My oldest keeps hurting his younger brother

Posted by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 1:48 AM
  • 4 Replies

My oldest is almost 5 & he keeps hurting his 2 year old brother - hitting, pushing, pinching.  A lot of the time it's "payback" but he's obviously bigger. 

Today was really bad, my DH & I normally try time-outs first but I ended up having to spank  which I hate because it sends the wrong message - he hurts his brother & then I hurt him- and it still doesn't work because he goes right back & does it all over again. 

I've tried talking to him but he gets mouthy & won't listen; I've tried just hugging him but most of the time he pushes away.  We've taken privileges & favorite toys away.  We're also still trying to adjust to a new baby who is 6 weeks old. He's been great with the baby, sweet & tender around him always, but mean as ever to everyone else. 

I'm worried that all his negative behavior is just for attention because that is the quickest way to get it from me & his dad but what should I do to change it?  Every week we each spend alone time with him and he behaves great but once it's back to family time he's a monster.  Both of the boys are kind of competing for dad's attention right now because he's been working really long hours; our 2 year old is potty training so we are praising him & giving him little potty treats and I guess it's natural that our oldest feels left out but I don't know how to get him to not be so mean to his brother. Any suggestions?

by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 1:48 AM
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Replies (1-4):
kno4eva
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 2:01 AM

I'm going to say before hand that i am just going to give a little advice but don't know much about having 2 kids as of yet but will soon.lol

My idea would be to find something that the older one can earn a treat for as well so the older one doesn't feel left out. Maybe if the older one has privleges that he likes to do once a week etc. Tell him that hitting wont be tolerated and if he hits or hurts his brother then the privlege that he has will not happen. Or if the kids get a snack or have a favorite treat then tell the older one if he hits or hurts his brother he will not get his snack. Then stick to it whatever the punishment may be so he knows you mean business. Idk like I said i dont really know much as of right now about having 2 boys but will soon. But it doesn't hurt to try it out lol?

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Kennewickgal
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 2:57 AM

Sounds like there are a lot of adjustments going on o in your house right now.

Patience is a key.  I know its easier said than done and on the days when he is "bad" its even harder.

But it truly sounds like you are doing what needs to be done.  Stay strong, keep a stiff upper lip and keep letting him know that his behavior is unacceptable.  I totally agree with taking privileges away, taking favorite toys away and even time outs. (just remember that time outs are said to work better if you do a minute for every year of the child's age.)

It could just be a bad case of jealousy but I'd also say that if you are truly afraid for your two year old,,, if it seems like the older boy is escalating,,, than talk to your pediatrician.

Good luck! I really hope things start to look up!!

Mommy2girls0207
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 3:20 AM

i would try natural consequences for your actions with your son on this one...

I dont have two boys, but i  have two girls, 4yrs and 9months apart.

Now they are  6 and 2yrs old. i had some issues with my 6yr old being a bit rough with her sister... So her natural consequence was she couldn't be around her sister.

IE my younger one ws in the living room with me playing with our blocks,  my older daughter couldn't be with us, or she had to sit on the couch and not play with us and the blocks. I made sure that i said many times, man i wish sister could play with us, too bad she didn't want to be nice to her sister. If only sister could have been nice,then we could all play together..

After about 2 days of that NOT being allowed around her sister, she is very careful about how she touches/acts with her sister. She said to me it made her feel sad not to be able to. I went so far as to not let her help with bath time(one of her favorite things to do) Im sorry you cant help with bath tonight because you couldn't  play nicely with your sister earlier.

its been about a year, and i have only had to say a few times, do you need to not be able to play with sister? and she stops right away.

othermom
by Gold Member on Sep. 7, 2009 at 9:50 AM

Maybe try making a list of punishments and letting him know what they are. Then if he misbehaves go to the list and choose which punishment you want, that way there is no emotions involved and he knows the consiquences. I habe neen doing this with my son and it has been sort of working. Atleast it helps me. I made up weird punishments though that I know he hates like wash the bathroom walls, fold his clothes, ect. My son is 6.

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