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Anybody else feel guilty?

Posted by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 11:13 PM
  • 8 Replies

I have one daughter, and she is just about the coolest thing! She lights up my life and my DH is happier when he looks at her than I've ever seen him. I should be jealous of his adoration for her...he never looked at me like that...but I'm not. :0)  Anyway, we are expecting baby number two in May. Part of me thinks "twice the love" but I'm really feeling kind of sad too. Like...right now Katie is our one and only...our baby girl...our sunshine. It almost seems like having another will take something away from what I have with her. And all at the same time...I'm worried I'll never be able to feel this overwhelmingly in love with another baby. I guess with both's a matter of not even being able to FATHOM loving someone as strongly as I love DD now. So I'm scared that either A. DD will lose some of that love cuz she'll have to share it or B. The new baby won't get nearly as much cuz it's all being hogged by dd! I know this is silly and probably a common fear...but did anybody else have this issue?

by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 11:13 PM
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by on Nov. 17, 2009 at 12:38 AM

I was never in that position since my husband already had a daughter.  My baby is already a "2nd" child.

But, from the view of a 3rd child - I have an older brother, older sister and younger sister.  None of us felt we missed out on anything from our parents.  We may have had to wait our turn, but we were never left out or felt less loved.  I think there is plenty of love to go around and once your baby arrives, you'll feel like all your fears were unfounded.

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by on Nov. 17, 2009 at 12:53 AM

Where did you get the idea that you could 'run' out of love and have to try and dispense it as evenly as possible?

Love is limitless. When your second one comes there will be no favorites, or less love for the first. You will have double the love, your heart will grow. They will both get all that they need.

cornucopia  1360 The Eucharist is a sacrifice of thanksgiving to the Father, a blessing by which the Church expresses her gratitude to God for all his benefits, for all that he has accomplished through creation, redemption, and sanctification. Eucharist means first of all "thanksgiving." - CCC, SE, pg. 343

by on Nov. 17, 2009 at 8:07 AM

YES!!!  My son was the best baby ever.  So easy and sweet.  Then we had our daughter.  I know it was coincidence, because he was 2 1/2 when she was born, but he started to exhibit some awful behavior.  Plus, he always wanted to be in my lap - especially if I was feeding or just holding his sister.  I felt horrible that I had imposed this new baby on him.  I wondered why I did it, as he was enough.  As she got a little older and my love for her blossomed, I realized that it was all ok.  He was in his terrible twos, and he turned out fine.

Here is some great advice someone gave me.  Tend to your older child first.  If the baby has to cry for a few minutes while you help your DD get dressed or eat or whatever, the baby will never remember being left to cry for a minute or two.  However, your older child WILL notice if she's always put second.  I have been very aware to do this with my third, and it's really nice!


Mom to Ian - 7, Anya - 4, and Duncan - 1 month

by on Nov. 17, 2009 at 10:36 AM

I know exactly how you feel!!! My dd turned two this July and we're expecting our son in one week! Like you our daughter is the center of our world.. She is my ray of sunshine and brings so much joy into our lives..

I've cried so many times thinking to myself how could you do this her??? What if she hates me for having this baby?? So I'm right there with you with the guilt... It's hard and I'm scared I pray every night that she loves her baby brother and welcomes him with open arms... And I hope that she doesn't go through any major changes after he's born...

I really like that advice from the pp about tending to your older 1st if both children need you b/c the older sibling will remember if you tend to the baby 1st.. I will most definitely be using that advice... 

Soo good luck mama and know that your not alone.. =)  

by on Nov. 17, 2009 at 11:14 AM

i know what you mean ! but to be quiet honest i do not want to sound harsh by any means , but i think that you should have waited a bi longer to have your 2nd baby . so that way you woud have felt like you enjoed your dd a bit longer and  not feel or think like you'll run out of love . however, two things may happen , 1 : your dd wouldddddddd loveeee her baby sibling and take being the "big sis "  pretty well , or she'll just loveeeeeeee her sibling , but feel jealous for the attention that the baby will take/need .

but thats fine , it always happens , but it does go away .


try not to worry about it , cuz bu worryin you wont be able to change this lol

enjoy ur pregnancy n u'll see that everything will be wonderful !


by Silver Member on Nov. 17, 2009 at 11:16 AM

I'd also be willing to bet that you never thought you'd love your daughter as much as you do now. Do not worry, they will both be fine. You'll love them both and your daughter might be a little jealous at first but in the end she will be happy that you chose to give her the gift of a sibling.

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by on Nov. 17, 2009 at 11:43 AM

i felt the same way! even though i was so excited to meet my son, i just couldnt imagine loving anything in the world more then my daughter and i felt guilty, like i was taking love away from her or something. but trust me, once the baby comes, that all changes. you really do just add more love then you thought you ever could!

i am a proud mommy of 1 ornery 1 year old little boy and one very goofy 4 year old little girl, ive been married for 2 years, together for almost 5. fun loving, eco-friendly, creative,different strokes work for different folks, stay at home and work at home mommy!

by on Nov. 17, 2009 at 3:19 PM

See, in my HEAD I know that moms never run out of love. So I don't actually BELIEVE it will happen...I just don't want dd wondering "hey, what's going on?" when I have another one to care for since right now...she is pretty much the center of the universe. My parent's first grandchild no less...and they let it show!

As for waiting a little longer...I was very torn about how far to space them. My mom got pregnant with my sister when I was about 18 months so she was born right after I turned my kids are actually slightly farther spaced than we were. I just remember my sister and I being so close and now we're best friends...whereas most of the kids I know who were much farther than say 3 or 4 years...HATED each other growing up and didn't get the friendship part until later. Then again, I also thought of what a previous poster said and wanted to give dd more time to be the "baby"...however, this pregnancy was a bit of an "oops" so I guess God made that decision for me!

Luckily, so far, when dd sees me holding another baby or playing with a cousin's children...she never seems to give a crap. She's always been pretty independent. Even when she was three months old, I'd try and cuddle her and she'd squirm to be put down so she could be in the middle of the action! So I think her temperment is right for the part of "big sister"...I just get these occasional pangs of guilt and think "Poor Katie...she doesn't even know what's coming!" lol

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