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My baby won't cry herself to sleep... **UPDATE

Posted by on Jan. 7, 2010 at 11:17 AM
  • 57 Replies

I have a 3 week old and I am trying to get her to sleep in her bassinet.   How long do I let her cry??  I put her in her bassinet last night and she cried for an hour straight.  It was breaking my heart but I don't know what else to do.  I finally broke down and put her in the bed with us.  Is an hour too long?  It just seemed like she was not giving up.  Any advice would be appreciated.


Thanks to all of you who gave your advice in a nonjudgmental way.  I understand some of you mammas are very passionate about your opinions but please know that anything I do with my baby is trial and error, it certainly is not to hurt my baby.  I don't have 10 kids.  I'm certainly no expert mom that's why I made this post, I NEEDED advice.  I have no problem with her sleeping with me for months I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing.  I'm sure you all know that many different people will give you very different advice.  For instance, my SO's mother said she put both her kids in their crib within the first week they were born!  Now, would I do that??? NO! But both her children are fine.  She doesn't feel babies should be in your bed.  For those of you with harsh words for me, please think and maybe put yourself in someone else's shoes for a second before you put your opinion out there.  As far as my baby, I put her back in the bed with me last night and all went well. 

by on Jan. 7, 2010 at 11:17 AM
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by on Jan. 7, 2010 at 11:25 AM

Have you tried swaddling her?? My DD needed to be swaddled for her to sleep in her bassinet and even though she is a BF baby I gave her a paci at night time and that helped her out alot. Also after a couple of weeks she only wanted to sleep in her bouncy seat. That lasted a month! At this age I think they are too young to CIO on their own. I would say at 2 months you could try again. My DD nursed in bed with me for about a half hour and then it was safe to put her to bed without her crying.

Good Luck!!

Mother to Kurtis 3/13/07 & Katrena 3/04/09

by on Jan. 7, 2010 at 11:29 AM

Also for the CIO method. I would say that once you know your babies cries then it is safe to CIO. EX: pathetic cry=tired but fighting, Histarical cry=I will not be going to bed anytime soon. Hungry cry, ect. Once you know these you will be able to tell if you DD will be able to go to sleep on her own or not.

Mother to Kurtis 3/13/07 & Katrena 3/04/09

by on Jan. 7, 2010 at 11:29 AM

I am against CIO.

Have you tried to rock her until she is almost asleep and then gently place her in it? Keep a hand on her to give her comfort?

CIO at 3 weeks isn't going to help you or her.

Are you against her sleeping with you? My 7 month old would only sleep with me until about 5 months and then would only want the crib. Now he sleeps through the night.

by New Member on Jan. 7, 2010 at 11:33 AM

Three weeks old is WAY too young to CIO.
If you don't want her in the bed with you, rock her to sleep, then place her in the bassinet.

Merry Christmas!!
Megan- ERFing, cloth diapering, toddler wearing, co-sleeping, anti-vax, breastfeeding (going strong at 20 months!) Mama to Aiden 4-3-08, and Wife to Danny 12-27-08 and TTC #2

by on Jan. 7, 2010 at 11:38 AM

I think 3 weeks is a little to early to begin CIO. At this age they don't understand what you are wanting them to do. Why don't you try rocking her until she is drowsy or almost sleeping and then lay her down. Take baby steps. Good luck hun!

by Bronze Member on Jan. 7, 2010 at 11:43 AM

At 3 weeks, babies are way too young to cry it out - they have not learned any self soothing techniques, and at that age they are still crying because they need something - food, clean diaper, pacifier, and even just being close to mom or dad.  It's rough, I know, but letting a newborn cry for an hour broke your heart because it was not appropriate.  She's jsut too little for that.

Some tips to help her sleep:  If you know that she has a clean diaper and she has just been fed, try a pacifier if she will take one, swaddle her, and rock her until she is almost completely asleep before placing her VERY gently in her bed.  By puting her in still kind of awake, she will learn to fall asleep on her own, but it's a process.  As she gets older, gradually strat putting her to bed a little bit more awake, and eventaully you should be able to lay her down wide awake and let her soothe herself to sleep.

If you are nursing, even if she has just nursed, put her back to your breast and let her suckle for comfort. 

Make sure that when you swaddle her, it is nice and snug. 

Make sure she's burped well after you feed her - gas hurts their tummies and causes a lot of tears.

Hope this helps!  If she's still crying at night after this, you can also try things like gripe water, mylicon, and colic tablets.

by on Jan. 7, 2010 at 11:43 AM

Yeah, 3 weeks is a bit young to be going to sleep on their own and an hour is WAY too long. Try walking outside, that always works to get them to sleep. I wouldn't put her in bed with you unless you want it to possibly become a habit for her. I would also say when you lay her down to pat her back but.. I don't know, sometimes I feel as though I'm not much help in these situations because I've always put my babies to sleep on their tummies which helps them sleep better. So, pat her tummy? Idk how that works. I think in maybe 4 weeks time your LO will be more ready to fall asleep on her own :) Just do your best to keep calm in the meantime - we all know how our stresses get to the babies.

by on Jan. 7, 2010 at 11:56 AM

3 weeks old?

Yes, an hour is WAY too long to let her cry.

Every 2-3 hours a newborn needs to eat, including during the night.

by Silver Member on Jan. 7, 2010 at 1:16 PM

At three weeks its WAY too early to do CIO.  Have you tried feeding her (yes, I know you may have fed her but newborns feed every 2-3 hours from beginning of feeding to beginning of feeding-meaning that you may feed her starting at 2, but she's ready to eat by four, even if she just finished at 2:45 or 2:50).  If that doesn't work change her, check for discomfort-hair around toe, finger, tags that bother your baby, etc.  And as a last resort, you can use a binky if she'll take one, and swaddle her-then you can rock her to sleep.  You can also try walking with her, I had a baby that loved to feel the gentle rocking of mom and dad walking with him. 

So, if you do eventually wanna try CIO, wait until 6 months of age or so.  Until then, comfort measures only and do your best to read her cues.  Good luck, momma, we all go through it-every mom who has had a newborn has been there, done that!  Pm me if you want to talk.

by on Jan. 7, 2010 at 1:38 PM

IMO, you don't let a baby CIO for any length of time unless you have no choice for a little bit, like to go pee or something!  I don't want to make you feel guilty, but that's just an opinion, I don't think you're a bad mom or anything like that!   Those are the vital weeks of a baby's life when they learn about your relationship, and I am of the belief that you answer every cry with your presence or touch so she knows you're there for her.  In fact, don't really think there's a good age to CIO until they are old enough to put in time out.  That's how I have raised two kids so far, and they are fine, and I managed just fine. 

I nursed my babies to sleep in a swaddle and put them down that way.   Often times they did not go down on their own that early which is completely understandable!  They grew inside of my body afterall!  I would get a baby carrier and let baby sleep on you.  At 3 weeks, your baby is not going to have an easy time sleeping alone.  Try the swaddle first, you may have to get baby asleep first by rocking or nursing or just holding. 

If you feel firm about letting your baby cry it out, I believe anything over 10 (?) minutes starts to compromise the flow of oxygen to the brain as I read somewhere (Dr. Sears).  Dr. Sears also has a book called The Sleep Book. 

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