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Need a Laugh / Leave a Laugh!!!

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 1:23 AM
  • 9 Replies

 I'll start.

 

A ventriloquist was driving through the midwest when his car broke down. He walked a ways and found a farmer who would let him use his phone. Well, the farmer seemed to be a real stereotypical rural type, so the ventriloquist thought it would be possible to have some fun with him. The farmer began to lead him back to the house.

Along the way, they passed a horse. The ventriloquist said to the farmer, "Is this your horse?" The farmer replied, "Yep." The ventriloquist asked, "Can he talk?" The farmer said, "Nope." The ventriloquist then said to the horse, "So, how do you like it here?" He then threw his voice, and said in a horse-like voice, "Oh, it's pretty good. Every morning the farmer feeds me oats." Upon hearing this the farmer was startled and quickened his pace.

Soon they came to a cow. The ventriloquist asked, "Is this your cow?" and the farmer replied, "Yep." He then asked, "Does it talk?" and the farmer replied, "I..I don't think so." The ventriloquist asked the cow, "How do you like it here?" and threw his voice again. In a cow-like voice, he said, "Oh, I like it just fine. Every morning the farmer comes and milks me." Upon hearing this, the farmer squirmed. He looked down at the ground and continued walking.

Soon they came to some sheep. The ventriloquist asked, "Are these your sheep?" and the farmer replied, "Yep." He then asked, "Do they talk?" and the farmer exclaimed, "Yes, but they lie!"
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 1:23 AM
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Replies (1-9):
alandou
by April on Jun. 26, 2010 at 1:28 AM

I saw this posted on my mom's fridge today..."Be the kind of woman that when you walk across the floor in the morning, the devil can hear your footsteps and he says...oh crap, she's up!"...something to that effect anyways

babygomez
by April on Jun. 26, 2010 at 1:31 AM

 Here you go!!! lmbo! 

mommyhonu
by Mary on Jun. 26, 2010 at 1:31 AM

 LOL!

Quoting alandou:

I saw this posted on my mom's fridge today..."Be the kind of woman that when you walk across the floor in the morning, the devil can hear your footsteps and he says...oh crap, she's up!"...something to that effect anyways

 

mommyhonu
by Mary on Jun. 26, 2010 at 1:32 AM

 LOL!

Quoting babygomez:

 Here you go!!! lmbo! 

 

1wildchild
by Platinum Member on Jun. 26, 2010 at 1:41 AM

I was reading parenting quotes today and these are a few that I found funny lol... 

"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a safe playpen. When they're finished I climb out."

"Hot dogs always seem to be better out than at home, so do french fried potatoes, so do your children..."

"Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first."

"Always end your child's name in a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry."

mommyhonu
by Mary on Jun. 26, 2010 at 1:45 AM

 laughing

Quoting 1wildchild:

I was reading parenting quotes today and these are a few that I found funny lol... 

"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a safe playpen. When they're finished I climb out."

"Hot dogs always seem to be better out than at home, so do french fried potatoes, so do your children..."

"Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first."

"Always end your child's name in a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry."

 

.stella.
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 1:46 AM

LOL i always love your joke posts (:.

thanks for the laugh, I NEEDED one after the night I've had!

mommyhonu
by Mary on Jun. 26, 2010 at 6:56 AM

 

Quoting .stella.:

LOL i always love your joke posts (:.

thanks for the laugh, I NEEDED one after the night I've had!

 Welcome, that's why I do it. I know all of us could use a good LOL!

mommyhonu
by Mary on Jun. 26, 2010 at 7:00 AM

 

A new two year degree is being offered at Life University...
Becoming a Real Man!

That's right, in just six terms, you too can be a real man.
Please take a moment to look over the program outline:

FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule
MEN 101...Combating Stupidity
MEN 102...You too can do housework
MEN 103...PMS - Learn when to keep your mouth shut
MEN 104...We do not want sleazy underthings for Christmas

Winter Schedule
MEN 110...Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111...Understanding the female responses to getting in at 4 a.m.
MEN 112...Parenting: It doesn't end with conception
MEN 113...Get a life, learn to cook

Spring Schedule
MEN 120...How NOT to act like an a**hole when you're wrong
MEN 121...Understanding your incompetence
MEN 122...You, the weaker sex
MEN 123...Reasons to give flowers

SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule
SEX 101...You CAN fall asleep without it
SEX 102...Morning Dilemma: If it's awake, take a shower
MEN 201...How to stay awake after sex
MEN 202...How to put the toilet seat down

Winter Schedule
MEN 210...The remote control: Overcoming your dependencies
MEN 211...How NOT to act younger than your children
MEN 212...You too can be a designated driver
MEN 213...Honest - You don't look like Russel Wong - Especially naked

Spring Schedule
MEN 220...Omitting @#%! from your vocabulary
MEN 221...Fluffing the blanket after farting it's not necessary
MEN 222...Real men ask for directions
MEN 223...Thirty minutes of begging is not considered foreplay
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