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Visitation with sd without dad

Posted by on May. 5, 2015 at 12:22 PM
  • 10 Replies

Does anyone know what the legalities of visitation are if the bio parent isn't there.  I usually pick up sd from school and there hasn't been a problem, but dh has to go out of town for work Fri. and won't be back until Sat. evening.  He asked bm if we could switch weekends, but it is looking unlikely that she will.  Dh still wants me to get her for our weekend, so that she, her sister and I can still visit and then he will see her Sat. evening and Sunday.

 Since we asked to switch weekends, bm knows that dh will be out of town during his weekend with sd.  My question is can bm stop me from picking up step-daughter on Friday?  Do we still get our weekend, even if dad won't be able to be here.  Sd loves her sister so much I would hate for her to go three weeks before she can see her.  I don't want to start a conflict with bm, if I can find out what the legalalities of visitation our.  Any advice or hints of resources where I can find the info would be great.  Thanks. 

by on May. 5, 2015 at 12:22 PM
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by on Apr. 16, 2007 at 10:53 AM
As a SM you have the right to pick her up if DH asks you to you have to. BM can't stop you because in there divorce it says eveyother weekend and she can get into trouble if she tries and stops you. Unless you are not legally married but as a sm you have some rights to and that is one of them.
by on Apr. 16, 2007 at 11:18 AM
We have a very unreasonable BM so we have learned to get everything in writing with her. An e-mail is proof of consent. I know this does not help your situation right this second but it may prove to be very helpful in the future.

If you are the legal wife, I agree with the previous poster. Just to be on the safe side, have DH write a letter (yes, like in grade school) It is his weekend so if there is nothing in their divorce papers about "who" picks up the daughter I think you will be fine. If she blocks it now, she may be in contempt of the court order.

As unreasonable as my dh's ex is...I drive over 500 miles (one way) to pick up Amanda for her scheduled visitation because my dh has to work and can't. I work from home so I can schedule around the times that I need to pick her up. If the BM could keep me from picking her up (and I pick her up at the mom's house) she would. She will do everything in her power to hurt dh and uses the kids to do it.
by on Apr. 16, 2007 at 12:41 PM
I say that you would still get here for your weekend.  Hubby works most saturdays that we have the kids..and he is gone from like 7am until 7pm..but we still get the kids..still our weekend! If we didnt get them unless hubby was home..we would never see them!
by on Apr. 17, 2007 at 4:04 PM
I would give a call to your local family court. Visitation rights normally are written so that they apply to a person, not a family. Even though the person with visitation rights may have the right to designate someone else to pick the child up and/or babysit the child if need be, the BM may not be legally bound to turn the child over to you, especially when she has prior knowledge that BF won't be there. Even though you might and should have the custody/visitation paperwork with you, if you look at it from a third party standpoint, which is what a police officer would have to do, the papers probably state visitation with BF and it could be argued by the BM that she does not have to relinquish the child to anyone else but who he stated on the papers.
by on Apr. 17, 2007 at 8:01 PM
We have had problems in the past as well, but the when do we not with the bm?  Our court order states they can be with me as unless he is out of town for more than 24 hours.  ALSO- PLEASE BE SURE THERE IS NO FIRST REFUSAL IN THE ORDER-this can be a a confusing statement, our bm only uses it when she deems necessary.
Good Luck!!
by on Apr. 18, 2007 at 11:36 AM
My husband works out of state and during winter months isn't here at all during the week.  The boys alternate living with their mother for a week and us for a week.  During our week, the boys were always here, and during mother's week, they were always there.  The question never come up on our end even tho bio-mom knew he was gone.  I'd just go about doing what you're doing and not worry about it unless bio-mom has a problem.  The weekend switch is the best option, if she won't do it, then I'd just assume there's no problem.  It's his weekend with her, even if he's not going to be there, it's still his weekend.  Lots of time the boys are at their mom's, they're at our house more often than not and when she has them on the weekends (the only time they DON"T come to Dad's during her weeks) a lot of time the boys are at a friend's house for the weekend.
by on Apr. 19, 2007 at 9:39 AM
My husbands ex has to let me pick her up. In the Indiana guidelines its states in there that the book is to provide for children's needs and one of the needs are to maintain a meaninful relationship with other significant adults such as grandparents, steppartents and other relatives  as long as these relationships do  not interfere with or replace the child's primary relationship with the parents  When we took my husbands ex to court the judge did say that as a step parent i have rights to my SD 
by on Apr. 19, 2007 at 12:06 PM

she can control if you pick up the SC or not.  My husband went over seas and we went to court before he left about visitation rights for me, the BM didnt want me to have visitation and DH and I did.  Well we lost.  I got no visitation weekends while hubby was gone, his parents did though, so i took my daughter over there on the weekends so she could see her brother.  by the way, BM is not a very nice person, we tell my SS that he is a really good big brother and he told my MIL and I once that his mom told him that he is NOT a brother.  So...... in Iowa she has control but it could be different in other states.

by on May. 5, 2015 at 2:17 PM

I truly have no idea : / I just know my SM never picked me up when my dad couldn't and it had nothing to do with my mother. My SM and mother were actually on good terms and would go to lunch together

by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2015 at 2:27 PM

Long as it is his weekend, normally it is his responsibility to find someone to watch his child (in this case you are willing) In our situation though I know that the court told BM that she cannot force my hubby to take the kids when he is not available for his visitation.

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