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I am so heartbroken ... I can't believe he said that to me. *update*

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:51 PM
  • 19 Replies

 If you know me and my family you know that I have 3 sons with my oldest being 15 y/o. I have done my best to bond with him and still let him be his own person. I understand at that age that he does need to find his own identity. But lately I notice that as I try to back up and give him his space that my MIL tries to get her hooks into him. (This past weekend my MIL told me that she & my FIL didn't want my 11 y/o to be in wrestling because she her friend's son was in it and became quadriplegic. Just to let you know, this is the same bs line she used to scare my oldest son to convince him not to be in football. Now he is scared to death to be in any kind of sport and refuses to do any kind of activity in school or at home.)

 So DH & I have been trying to find ways to get our oldest to get active. We had to resort to bribery. DH told him that if we walks to & from school that he would get paid 50 cents. So he has a chance to make a $1 a day. (Thank goodness that it got him motivated.) So yesterday when he got home he came in and had a snack and we chatted about how his day went and he spent some time with his baby brother and then asked if he could go upstairs. Then he continued to tell me "I love going upstairs, it's like Gramma & Grampa are my REAL PARENTS."

 I was in shock and over come with hurt. To make matters worse I got a migraine about an hour after that and have been teary eyed since last night.

Any helpful suggestions?

Ok, so I did have a talk about the situation with DH. (honestly when we get into disagreements they are mostly over my mil) He always tells me that he just doesn't understand why i let it bother me so much and that is the way she is. (She has a tendency to make snide and rude comments to me when we are alone, so now i refuse to be alone with her at any time.Besides the wrestling thing the final straw was when she called me my son's cow, cuz i breastfeed him.) My solution to things are when she treats me like that I just walk away because I am not about to start a family war, because i don't want my boys to get hurt.

 Don't get me wrong his parents have done A LOT for us. But just because they have does not give them/her the right to tell us what we should and shouldn't do with our own children. When my oldest came home from school today it was straight back over to Gramma & Grampa's house. Dh tried to cheer me up last night by taking me to our fav burger place, so it was just the 4 of us. DS1 got mad that he didn't get to go. DH told him, that maybe he should think twice about leaving us to always be with his Grandparents. 

by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lovemybabys1106
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:53 PM

BUMP!

maybaby22
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:56 PM

Teenagers say the darndest things...alot of times they dont even mean it they just talk without thinking.

Do you live with your inlaws?

mommyziegler
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:57 PM

it soundslike you need to have a chat with your MIL.. she has over stepped some major boundaries and you need to set her straight! i'm sorry your ds said those words to you but you shouldn't take them to heart..he is only 15yrs old and i remember when i was 15 i said some horrible things to my mother that i never should have said and i still apologize to her for stuff that happened 10yrs ago

skelleymomof2
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:57 PM

Wow, the nerve of your in laws trying to parent your kids!  At this point it would be your husbands responsibility to talk to his parents and let them know that the two of you are the one's raising your children and they need to basically butt out!  Of course he will need to say it in a way that won't get them twisted.  Hopefully he will be able to take control of his parents.

MomNtheRes
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:58 PM

Maybe it's time you have a family discussion with your in laws? Would sitting down and discussing the issues you have, and the fact that you all need to be helping your oldest get active help at all? 

I dunno- but I'm sure we all know our kids say things they don't realize hurt us as much as they do. I know as a teen especially I said my fair share of mean things to my parents, without realizing how deep what I said cut. Sorry hun! Big hugs for you.  

mommyhonu
by Mary on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:58 PM

 They live across the street from us.

Quoting maybaby22:

Teenagers say the darndest things...alot of times they dont even mean it they just talk without thinking.

Do you live with your inlaws?

 

mommyhonu
by Mary on Aug. 31, 2010 at 2:01 PM

 MY MIL makes it a point to rip me to shreds about my sons weight. But will continuesly over feed him. Friday night we had a get together and he ate 4 platefuls of food. She kept telling him to "come eat some more." When we have dinner I alsways tell him to have 1 plate & then drink some water. If he still hungry 20 min later I always tell him he can make another plate.

Quoting MomNtheRes:

Maybe it's time you have a family discussion with your in laws? Would sitting down and discussing the issues you have, and the fact that you all need to be helping your oldest get active help at all? 

I dunno- but I'm sure we all know our kids say things they don't realize hurt us as much as they do. I know as a teen especially I said my fair share of mean things to my parents, without realizing how deep what I said cut. Sorry hun! Big hugs for you.  

 

Wish2Be
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 2:29 PM

 I would have a HUGE talk with the In Laws !

KiddRuby
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 2:33 PM

It  does sound like there needs to be some boundaries set with the inlaws. But don't beat yourself up to bad, I remember being 15...I was not very nice to my mom or dad, I really only liked people who let me do as I pleased...but those people don't make good moms and dads.

Britti210
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 2:36 PM


Quoting KiddRuby:

It  does sound like there needs to be some boundaries set with the inlaws. But don't beat yourself up to bad, I remember being 15...I was not very nice to my mom or dad, I really only liked people who let me do as I pleased...but those people don't make good moms and dads.


lovely point !!

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