Expert Post: Life Skills

There's so much information and (often-conflicting) advice out there for parents. I'm constantly overwhelmed and I don't know whose advice to rely on. Help!

My husband was diagnosed with ADD as a child, our 4 year old daughter demonstrates most of his personality traits (including the ADD ones). I'm wondering how much of this I can just teach her to manage through self control. Any thoughts?

my son is 6 months old...is he too young to start teaching him self control or can i start now?

How would you suggest developing social skills and strong communication in a child who's family has a history of Autism on both sides of the family?

 Okay so my 2 and half yr old son has recently started this thing where he will not listen to me only his Daddy.. And now he is actually refusing to nap unless I go somewhere and Daddy is with him at nap time or he is in my bed. Which I am really trying not to do! What advice can you give a stay at home mom like me to overcome this obstacle?

my son has a cleft palate and his doctors told me that he may have trouble speaking even after it is fixed...is there anything i can start doing with him now and continue to do that will help him communicate better as he gets older and to help keep his confidence in his communication up?

I agree with you, Kelza. When my children were young, one expert would say do one thing and another would say, do something else. It made me crazy.

I hope you will find that Mind in the Making is different. It is based on more than 1000 studies and 85 interviews with the leading scientists as well as videos of their research as it is being conducted. All of the researchers then read and reviewed everything I wrote. But more importantly, in the book, I take you into discoveries (it's like an adventure) and share not just what they know, but HOW they know it. You can see the studies for yourself and read all of the how-to suggestions and make judgements about what is best for you and your child.

In effect, I wrote the book I would have liked when my kids were little. Again, my intention is to give you a ring-side seat on the best science (not just one person's opinion--but a consensus), and ultimately judge for your self. And the studies (like the one I posted earlier) are fascinating!

To Abra:

There is a lot you can do to help you children, especially those with ADD like symptoms learn self control and I have lots of suggestions in Mind in the Making. For example, play games with her when she has to focus and can't go on autonomic, such as Simon Says Do the Opposite or even I Spy. At four, ask her for her ideas that will help her "manage" when she gets a little out of control and then try those. 

Researchers are beginning to look at the connections between promoting self control and ADD. I would try a lot of these techniques and see if they help. They certainly did with my son!

To lauratupper:

One of the characteristics that the newborn assessment measures is how children, even hours after birth, manage to regulate their emotions. A doctor shakes a rattle or shines a light on the newborns and watches what the baby does.

You can play the same kind of detective with your six-month old. What does he do to calm down when he is upset? Then use that technique to help him-such as holding him, or wrapping him with a blanket, or talking softly, or taking him to a quiet place. With all of these, you are helping your six-month old learn the beginnings of self control. It is never too early or never too late!

To Pandapanda:

I think you would use the same kind of techniques to teach social skills and communication to a child with a family history of autism as you would with any child: help an infant or toddler feel known and understood by echoing back what the child seem to be saying to you (are you hungry, tired, etc.?). Help them understand the thoughts and feelings of others as they turn two and three. Build on an infants early efforts to communicate by talking baby talk (it spread out the sounds so that they can begin to learn what sounds go together in their native language or languages); point when are are talking about something in eye sight; look at what you want your child to look at; build on and elaborate what your child says.

If you see symptoms of autism, then you would want others who have helped other families to help you.