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Somebody give me some advice!

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 2:59 PM
  • 5 Replies

DH and I are staying with MIL and BIL at her condo in FL until Saturday morning when we leave for home. BIL lives with her because he is...mentally disabled. Is that the PC term? Anyway, DD has been acting up since we got here. Every time I tell her to do something or NOT to do something... MIL says something like "Oh, that's okay, she can do that." Digs in the fridge? I tell her no, MIL goes and gets her cookies without telling her not to do that. Rummages around in the drawers? I tell her no, MIL says that's fine and hands her a book from said drawer. She is now not listening to a word I say, being opening defiant by saying "no way!" when I give an instruction...and she is essentially being rewarded for being a brat.

If that wasn't enough, BIL (remember, he's slow) was left outside alone with her yesterday without me knowing. He is not capable of watching her outside because if she took off and ran toward the road, he is cerebral palsy...he can't be taking off after her. And he doesn't really have the mental capacity to know if she should do certain things. Then, inside, I tell her she can't do something...and he says she can. To him, he's an adult and he can do this. To HER, he's an adult and he can do this. But to me...he doesn't know WHY I don't want her doing things and he isn't really capable of handling kids...so I would prefer for him to NOT do this.

The thing is, MIL will cry over anything. I mean ANYTHING and DH is being no help at all because he's a big ole mama's boy. I'm at my wit's end with this kid back talking me, but feel like a witch when I get tough and everyone else is staring at me. I don't want to start a bunch of drama with only two days left here, and she has been awesome in so many other ways. Watching the kids, making dinner, being so sweet and thanking me a million times for coming...but at the same time... dd is acting brattier than ever before and I'm going to wind up punching someone! Ahhhhhh!

by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 2:59 PM
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Replies (1-5):
RonanMommie
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 3:04 PM

 What i would do is sit down and have a talk with your MIL. Tell her you would like your DD to be treated/discipline as though she were at home.. then discipline her like she is at home.

Trompis
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 3:07 PM

Thats a tough one seeing as how you do only have 2 more days to go. Maybe sit her down when no one is around and talk to her about her behavior. Explain to her that just because someone else gives her the ok doesnt mean that you do too and that she needs to check before with before doing things. Lay down the law just when no one is around so you dont feel awkward about people staring at you! you mentioned that mil cries over anything but I think I would just go to her and tell her I don't want to hurt your feelings and I know that you can't help but to spoil her since you don't see her that often but please check in with me before you allow her to do certain things and to not undermine your authority infront of her because that causes a problem with her understanding who's the boss here

mommyhonu
by Mary on Dec. 9, 2010 at 3:08 PM

 ((((hugs)))) hang in there mommy! I know it's not easy when you say one thing and then your In Laws tell your LO that "it's ok". you can go the route of when your mil rewards your LO to take such item away and hand it back to your mil and say "thank you but no, i'm trying to teach boundries & limitations." then pick up your LO and walk into a room to talk to baby alone. Or you can hold your tongue for the next few days just to keep the peace. it's never an easy choice. wish i had the words of wisdom to make everything all right.

ErinHill226
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 3:18 PM

It is hard to decide!!! On the one hand, why make a stink when we're leaving Saturday? On the other hand...when Katie does something evil, they look at ME!!! As if I don't decipline her! When then when I try and lay down the law, they tell her to go ahead...and DH has been fixing stuff around the condo the whole trip (one of the reasons we came...she sent us money for gas and he came to fix her electrical and tubs) so he has not helped with the kids much.

mezmom
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 3:21 PM

Either you gotta get husband to say something or wait it out.. Hopefully you live far enough away that you can try to reverse the way of things and get her back to the way she was before she went to grandma's. You could also pull your MIL aside and tell her that she is encouraging DD to not listen to you by  saying yes when you say no. Would be better if your hubby did the talking of course, since it's his mom (I know from personal experience). Anyways... mama's boy or not, he needs to leave his mommy's apron strings and taking care of his wife and if his mom is undermining your athority he needs to deal with it.

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