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The worst celebrity baby names

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 10:30 AM
  • 11 Replies


  • Tu Morrow

    (Rob Morrow)
    You just know that this name came up during a drunken pre-conception conversation. The tragedy is, they never thought of a better one. We just hope the kid likes that song from Annie, because people will be serenading her with it forever.

  • Zuma Nesta Rock

    (Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale)
    Sure, "Zuma" is the name of a beach in a Malibu. That's lovely. But it's also a computer game. And the diminutive form of a term for a bad gastrointestinal condition. And, for anyone who remembers the '90s, a much-mocked malt beverage. No, wait: that was Zima.

  • Moxie CrimeFighter

    (Penn Jillette)
    Job descriptions just don't work as proper names. And what are odds that she'll actually grow up to be a crimefighter? Slim.

    Gwen Stefani with Zuma Nesta Rock.

  • Pilot Inspektor

    (Jason Lee)
    Speaking of job descriptions — Pilot Inspektor isn't even a real job. Neither is Pilot Inspector, for that matter. Plane Inspector is a real job, but that's like two steps above DMV worker in the glamour department.

  • Kal-El

    (Nicolas Cage)
    Do celebrities actually think their children have superpowers? Sometimes we wonder.

  • Bogart Che Peyote

    (Reality star David "Puck" Rainey)
    Using the names of revolutionaries and drugs in your kid's name is one thing. Using the common term for slobbering all over that joint you won't share is quite another.

  • Fifi Trixibell, Peaches and Pixie

    (Bob Geldof and Paula Yates)
    Didn't Paris Hilton use these names for her little dogs?

  • Audio Science

    (Shannyn Sossamon)
    Sounds like it would have been a really cool class to take in college. As a name, though . . .

  • Princess Tiaamii

    (Katie "Jordan" Price)
    Someday this little girl will realize she is not in fact a princess, and all the extra vowels in the world won't be able to cushion the blow.

  • Prince Michael II / "Blanket"

    (Michael Jackson)
    See above. Luckily, MJ atoned for his choice of moniker by nicknaming the kid "Blanket," a name no one could ever possibly find fault with. 

  • Apple

    (Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow)
    It almost doesn't seem fair to make fun of this, especially when considered against names like "Princess Tiaamii" and "Audio Science." But still. Fruit? Fruit just isn't creative. Vegetables, on the other hand . . . "Zucchini" would be a kinda cute name.

  • Calico

    (Alice Cooper)
    I had a cat named "Calico" once. It got really fat and then it died.

  • Denim and Diezel Ky

    (Toni Braxton)
    "Polyester," "Suede" and "Poly-Blend" aren't good names for children; neither is Denim. As for Diezel — seriously? You want to name your kid after fossil fuels?

  • Seargeoh and Sage Moonblood

    (Sylvester Stallone)
    "Seargeoh" looks like somebody coughed on the birth certificate. "Sage" is a beautiful name. "Sage Moonblood?" Sounds like the kind of "natural" feminine hygiene product that's sold in stores that also deal hemp and patchouli.

  • Jermajesty

    (Jermaine Jackson)
    Bad puns and awkward plays on language really should just be avoided at all costs. "Jermajesty" sounds like the name of a really bad self-produced hip-hop album.

  • Hud and Spec Wildhorse

       (John Cougar Mellencamp and Elaine Irwin)
      HUD is the acronym for the Department of Housing and Urban Development. Also,         Humanoid Underground Dwellers. And, yes, the name of a character played by Paul Newman. But aren't people mostly going to think of the first two? And "Spec" — short for "Special"? "Spectator"? "Speculum"?

  • Pirate

    (Korn frontman Jonathan Davis and porn-star wife Deven)
    There's probably no better way to guarantee that your child become an accountant than to name him "Pirate."

  • Rebel, Racer and Rogue

    (Robert Rodriguez)
    Suggested names for Robert Rodriguez's next child: "Rapscallion.""Rabble-Rouser." "Racketteer." "Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot."

  • Seven Sirius

    (Andre Benjamin and Erykah Badu)
    Numbers as names: why? To what does the number refer? Why not six? Why not eight? SEVEN WHAT?

  • Harley Quinn

    (Kevin Smith)
    Leave it to Silent Bob to name his daughter after a Batman villain. The worst part: you know he considered "Poison Ivy" and "Catwoman."

  • Camera

    (Arthur Ashe)
    "Camera" is so generic. Why not "Nikon"? Or "Canon"?

  • Blue Angel

         (U2's The Edge)
        Better, I suppose, that "Puce Angel" or "Purple Angel," but still.

  • Free

    (Barbara Hershey and David Carradine)
    If this kid's middle name is Willy . . .

  • Kyd

    (David Duchovny and Tea Leoni)
    Doesn't this just invite people to speculate that you, as parents, a) just didn't care enough to actually name your kid, and b) can't spell?

  • Reignbeau

    (Ving Rhames)
    She's a multicolored arc of light, but also the benevolent ruler of her boyfriend, or something. This name has levels.

  • Alcamy

    (Lance Henriksen)
    Alcamy: the art of turning medal into gold.


Which ones do you agree with? Which do you disagree with? Are there any that you would consider naming your child?

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 10:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 10:32 AM

I think they all are crazy names. But they wont ever have to deal with having someone with the same name!

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 10:36 AM

 What about Coco?! LOL!! I like Harley!

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 10:37 AM


Quoting ttcagirl86:

 What about Coco?! LOL!! I like Harley!

 LOL I guess Coco didn't make the list.

I like Harley too!

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 10:46 AM
Harley is cute, I thought about naming my son Harley David haha :(
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by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 10:52 AM
I like Harley! When I read your post title I immediately thought "Apple is an awful name for a child" jmo
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by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 10:53 AM

Some people's kids! I mean seriously? Those poor kids! I like Harley and Quinn-just not together!

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 10:57 AM

Quoting bcbmami:

Some people's kids! I mean seriously? Those poor kids! I like Harley and Quinn-just not together

yeah, I like Harley & Quinn separately lol

by Bronze Member on Mar. 2, 2011 at 11:02 AM
Harley and quinn sound like a really bad disease together...harliquin syndrome lol. I mean the syndrome isn't funny... just stupid parents lol.
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by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 11:05 AM

how do they pronouce kal-e?  because the way I read it was like callie and that sounds normal to me.. 

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 11:24 AM
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