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Question mommas???

Posted by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 2:58 PM
  • 16 Replies

Ok so the father of my child is black. I am white. Just a little fyi my daughter is 8 weeks old. He did not come around until she was 6 weeks old. He made an assumption and now I wonder what you mothers do. He claims I am only allowing her around my family (meaning white people he stated). That is untrue I have different race of friends. Of course Im not gonna say ok you can take her now even though you havent been in the picture for the entire pregnancy nor the beginning of her life. As soon as he came around I took her to meet some of his family as he wished but he acts like he doesnt understand why he cant just take her alone making it out that Im keeping her from his side. I told him his family could have came to the hospital and seen her and been there as my family has been through all of this and NOT to bring race in this. So it got me thinking do you guys if you are single have any of these issues. My friend had told me to start buying black and white dolls. I will do that so she can see but I feel I can only teach her what I know and that is his job to teach her what he knows. Of course it doesnt happen over night and I wouldnt just let her go with him at 7 weeks old and I dont know his family. I will go with him yes but he thinks its that i want her only around my family. Help please. I want her to know all about her! Both sides but it takes him being there ALL the time as a father.

Sorry if this sounds weird just dont know what to say to him or think right now. Or why this got brought up to begin with

by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 2:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ShannaBee
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 3:03 PM
Tell him she is too young to go without you and you can meet his family at a neutral location so they can see her.
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egurl85
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 3:17 PM


Quoting ShannaBee:

Tell him she is too young to go without you and you can meet his family at a neutral location so they can see her.


that is what I said they can come to my apt even and I can run to the store if they want their time with her too! I just think its crazy he came at me like that

mom2b116
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 3:28 PM

 my little girl is 4 months old and her dad has been there the whole time and i still wont let him take her  many places without me  lol

2 im sorry but if he was so worried about her knowing him and his family  why did he not stay around or  have his family involved?

my best friend is half black and half white her little boy is also her mom who was black died when she was born but she still understands both races

 

. her little boys dad left when he was 2 weeks beforehe was born  but his family wanted to stay in touch.

for awhile it was phone calls  pics and  they would come to her house ( she didnt really know them )

now he is 2 and he goes to his grandmas alot ( dads mom)

his dad popped back in about 2 months ago  and she will not leave her son alone with him.

even his mom told him he chose to walk away and now he has to earn the right to be in the child's life.

i think your feelings are normal and you have the right to say yes or no when it comes to the baby .

good luck hun

egurl85
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 3:32 PM


Quoting mom2b116:

 my little girl is 4 months old and her dad has been there the whole time and i still wont let him take her  many places without me  lol

2 im sorry but if he was so worried about her knowing him and his family  why did he not stay around or  have his family involved?

my best friend is half black and half white her little boy is also her mom who was black died when she was born but she still understands both races

 

. her little boys dad left when he was 2 weeks beforehe was born  but his family wanted to stay in touch.

for awhile it was phone calls  pics and  they would come to her house ( she didnt really know them )

now he is 2 and he goes to his grandmas alot ( dads mom)

his dad popped back in about 2 months ago  and she will not leave her son alone with him.

even his mom told him he chose to walk away and now he has to earn the right to be in the child's life.

i think your feelings are normal and you have the right to say yes or no when it comes to the baby .

good luck hun

Thank you glad that Im not in the wrong here!

LabTech211
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 3:35 PM
um....shes too young to go without you. Also...ive seen mixed baby dolls...my daughter had one...given to her by a mixef littlle girl. :)
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pamdarby81
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 3:39 PM
I fully agree.....you are the mother...if he wants to be there he needs to earn that privilege b back. You are handling this very well with how you describe things you know what you want and what us best for your lo.

Quoting mom2b116:

 my little girl is 4 months old and her dad has been there the whole time and i still wont let him take her  many places without me  lol


2 im sorry but if he was so worried about her knowing him and his family  why did he not stay around or  have his family involved?


my best friend is half black and half white her little boy is also her mom who was black died when she was born but she still understands both races


 


. her little boys dad left when he was 2 weeks beforehe was born  but his family wanted to stay in touch.


for awhile it was phone calls  pics and  they would come to her house ( she didnt really know them )


now he is 2 and he goes to his grandmas alot ( dads mom)


his dad popped back in about 2 months ago  and she will not leave her son alone with him.


even his mom told him he chose to walk away and now he has to earn the right to be in the child's life.


i think your feelings are normal and you have the right to say yes or no when it comes to the baby .


good luck hun

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cp2009
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 3:42 PM

you are her mom and the one who had her and took care of her when he wasn't there. if you can not trust him to care enough to be in her life the whole time how can you trust him to take her places alone at anytime. He is a man for one so he will never truly understand the bond between a mother and her child. People always love to use the race card and I hate it because its a cop out to the truth whatever that might be at the time. Go with your gut which seems to be what you are doing. So keep doing it..

egurl85
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 3:58 PM


Quoting cp2009:

you are her mom and the one who had her and took care of her when he wasn't there. if you can not trust him to care enough to be in her life the whole time how can you trust him to take her places alone at anytime. He is a man for one so he will never truly understand the bond between a mother and her child. People always love to use the race card and I hate it because its a cop out to the truth whatever that might be at the time. Go with your gut which seems to be what you are doing. So keep doing it..


I know I said that a mother and child always have that bond that no one will understand. he was like im her father I have a bond with her! WTF where have you been?

Schleetle
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 4:01 PM

It sounds like he is just making up things to guilt you into getting his way. Stand your ground, do only what you are comfortable with, and if he tries to pull the race card tell him that it's just silly for him to even pretend like that has any part of the situation.

KaRaBaSsEtT
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 4:02 PM
You are absolutely right! I would never let my baby go without me, especially in those circumstances!
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