How to Get Yourself or a Loved One Through the Struggles of Depression.

One of the best defenses a woman can have in her life when there are mental struggles present is good people around her. Be it doctors, therapists, a neighbor, family, a supportive spouse or friends, the importance of trustworthy and reliable people in a mother's life are paramount. It is equally important for this support system to understand the struggles and what needs to be done, because often the mom who is suffering won't know what she needs or wants.

I've found that the greatest obstacles between those who are unwell and those with a desire to help is that pride gets in the way of allowing others to assist in the recovery process. We all falter, no one is immune to it and the people in our lives are there to pick us up when we're the ones who go down. One of the biggest steps for the woman who is suffering, if it's you or someone close to you, is to allow others to help you. The greatest bit of wisdom I received during my last pregnancy is that a new mom doesn't need help holding the baby, she needs help with everything else.

If you are the friend or family member of a mother suffering from depression, be it antenatal, postpartum or chronic, you have a vital role in her recovery process. She is not going to know what to ask for. She is barely going to know what to do for herself short of breathe and blink. Some of the easiest things you can do for her are bring in meals that can be frozen or prepared immediately or offer to take older children for the afternoon (bonus if this is something you can schedule in regularly, sometimes just knowing that she is going to be able to enjoy a few hours of relative silence each week can be enough to get her through another day.) I once saw a suggestion to bring in a powdered cleanser and paper towels in your purse and after dropping off a meal, excuse yourself to the restroom and give the sink, counter tops and mirror a quick wipe down while you're in there. Switching out laundry, loading the dishwasher, vacuuming and taking out garbage are other tasks that can be completed quickly and easily.

Sometimes all a mom may want is a shower and a nap. Offer to sit with her baby while she completes either or both of these tasks. Many times all a woman needs to feel 200% better is a quiet shower, a quick nap and a decent meal. Generally women won't ask for help with something that seems like such a frivolous luxury, but sometimes all you need to do is offer (and sometimes insist.)

A problem most women face when they reach out for help is that those around her want to "fix" her, feel helpless or worry too much. Depression is not something that can be "fixed" like a squeaky wheel or stuck doorknob, it is something that must be coaxed and lulled into submission while the mother is made stronger and more confident in her ability to function. Many times simply stating "I'm not doing well," to a trusted friend can lift a huge weight off a struggling mind. Being aware and present of a friend's state of mind and performing small acts of kindness can help the mother along on the road to recovery.

If you somehow feel alone in your depression or recovery, I can assure you that you are not. Plenty of people around you want to help, most of them just don't know how. Feel free to send them this article or any others you may find on the topic. However if you truly must face this on your own, know that there is a special place in my heart for women like you, warriors in their own silent battle. One resource I will direct you to is Postpartum Progress, run by a wonderful woman who survived many of the emotions you may be feeling right now, it is a light and a hope to many women struggling through the complicated emotions involved in motherhood. If you are overwhelmed by the condition of your surroundings, you are not alone. This simple guide can help you begin to dig your way out from what may be a desperate situation.

Things will get better. You or your loved one will not feel like this forever. I can say this because I have gotten better, then worse, then better again. One promise I can give you is that life is so much sweeter once you finally make it out of the darkness.