Celebrating the Blue, yet Mourning the Pink.

Last week I found out that this little baby in my belly is a boy. In less than four months, I'll be a mom to two girls, two boys. Being that this is my fourth and final pregnancy, I couldn't be happier. Every morning I wake up with this giddy feeling in the depths of my soul, like I'm the luckiest girl in the world or something. Seriously, that's how amazing I feel right now.

But I have something to admit, I've also found myself mourning the loss of an idea. The idea that this baby was a little girl. That I would have one more daughter. That my girls would have another sister.

It really didn't hit me until I was going through my four year old daughters clothes this weekend, purging out all the too short pants, to tight dresses, and midriff baring pajamas she's outgrown. As I carefully folded each article of clothing and put them into the bin labled "3T", it dawned on me. I'm done with these clothes. Nobody in my family will ever wear them again. All the pink and purple and frilly little outfits I've saved through the years as I grew my family? I can now purge them.

I had a little girl name that I LOVED, which will now go unused. And there are boxes upon boxes of adorablely cute little girl layettes and dresses waiting patiently in our attic, which I now need to find a new home for.

I'll admit it, it's the weirdest feeling to have emotions like these. I wanted a boy, I'm having a boy, I wouldn't change that outcome for the world. I'm getting exactly what I wished for, how often does that actually happen? Not often, if you're like me. So why am I complaining?

I think these feelings would have surfaced regardless of the ultrasound outcome. If I found out I was having a girl, I would be mourning the fact that my son would never have a brother. I would be sad that all my little boy clothes only got to be worn once.

I'm assuming these emotions would have gone both ways, the loss of the "what might have been dream". Right?

So as of today, the little baby pink purge begins. I'm waiting to see if my sister, who is pregnant for the first time, is having a girl. If she is, she's inheriting the entire pink explosion. If she's not having a girl, to the thrift shop, here we come!

Have you ever found out the gender of your baby at the ultrasound, and mourned the loss of "what might have been", when you think about what you're NOT expecting?