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What do you say or do???

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:00 PM
  • 15 Replies

What can you do??? A very close friend of mine (she is the little sister of my best friend) I have known her since she was about 8 years old. She lost her baby today. She was 6 months pregnant. Just last week she had an ultrasound and found out she was having a boy. Everyone was so excited for her. I have known for a few years now just how much she wanted to have a baby but she had kept having problems getting pregnant.

 She will not get to see her son because when she was delivering him he got stuck and they had to rush her into surgery. Well during the surgery she ended up cut pretty bad and the baby did not fair to well either. The nurses said that he got.... I don't even know how to properly say it. So I will just say that he is not in a way to be seen..

 I feel so very bad for her. I just wish there was an easy fix to make her feel better, but I know after my own loses that nothing anyone can say will make the pain go away. I am waiting to find out if and when they will release the baby so that she can at least have the closure of a memorial service for him. I just want to know since my loses were so very early and hers was so far into her pregnancy so I don't know what to do. Is there anything that someone has done for you that helped make things easier. That is of course if you have suffered a loss like this.

 I hurt so much for her. I just want to hold her and hug her and tell her that everything will be alright eventually. But I myself know that I don't want to hear that when all I know is that right now nothing is all right. What do you do for someone in this situation.

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by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:00 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:04 PM
My opinion, you let her know that you are there for her, let her talk about her loss and please don't avoid her because you don't know what to say.
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:09 PM

that is so sad ):

 - Tess 

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:13 PM

I will never avoid her. Making sure she knows that she is loved and thought of and in no way at fault if more important then my comfort level. I love that girl as I do my sisters. I know this isn't about me but I am greiving right along with her. I am at a loss I have never had to deal with this type of situation before. Its so new and hard. I will see her as soon as I am told she is up to seeing people.

by Mary on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:18 PM

 sorry to hear that ... be there for her is all I can think of.

by Platinum Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:21 PM

Do just that...hold her,hug her,just be there for her.It's all I wanted when I was going through my losses.

by Bronze Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:24 PM
Don't treat her any different, my mom lost a son like that, and it was the only child she was able to deliver vaginally and it was dead she always got tired of everyone feeling sorry for her and treating her like she was a piece of glass don't be scared to be around her
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by April on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:55 AM

just be there for her and express you sincere condolences but you dont have to make a big speech, kwim? sometimes just "I'm sorry & I'm here for you is good. there isn't anything you can do to reverse it. sometimes its not words that mean the most, its just the presence of you.

by Silver Member on Nov. 10, 2011 at 1:05 AM
Wow that is soo horrible. Just let her know you're sorry for her loss
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by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 1:44 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you ladies for the advice. I am still reeling from my losses so it just seemed to hit hard and it makes me realize how much harder this is going to be for her. I am just very afraid of saying the wrong thing. I want to let her know that I know what she is feeling because of my experience but I also see that hers must be much worse then when I lost my babies a 3 and 6 weeks. I don't want to make it seem like I am trying to make it all about me. I think when I do see her I will just hug her and say I love you and am sorry. That would probably be best until she is ready to talk.

by April on Nov. 10, 2011 at 1:54 AM

That is incredibly sad. I'm sorry to hear this.

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