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How open are you with your toddlers? ... Loooong :)

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:59 AM
  • 20 Replies
Ok so I have a 4yo daughter who we will call "AG"and a 4month old baby girl too. I have talked to AG a lot since she was little about everything. She talks an enormous amount and can have a full conversation with adults. She asks details about everything. Lets start with: 

Asking how baby's are made thanks to my pregnancy. Umm yea lol so I told her how baby's grow in Mommys tummy and breathe and eat through the umbilical cord etc. She wasn't satisfied and kept saying: I understand that part but "how" do they get in the tummy?! Lol 
She would sit down and watch baby births on tv and always ask things along the way and i would explain as clearly as possible. She would ask about the pain and say she was scared for me because she didn't want me to hurt but i explained that yes it would hurt but that its something mommys go through when they're grown ups and that i would be ok. 
* a little story*
We were watching a baby story once and it was very close to our own situation. A mom was pregnant with a baby girl and she also had an older dd about the age of AG. When she actually gave birth I got all emotional and was fighting back tears so she wouldn't see me but then I realized AG was very still and quiet so  I turned to look at her and realized she was holding back tears as well.  I suddenly burst out laughing realizing that here i am crying over a random person giving birth and my 4yo picked up on the beauty of birth itself and it provoked such feelings for her to cry as well. She wasn't scared or grossed out just sentimental. So there we were crying and hugging each other and then laughing at each other for not wanting each other to see we were crying. Oh fun memory. 

I breastfed her til she was 2 1/2 and she sees me breastfeed her little sister as well. At first she asked if she could help with the bottle so i explained she wasn't taking a bottle because she was going to drink milk from my boobies. She said euwwww!! Why?? Haha so I proceeded to remind her how she drank breast milk when she was little and that it wasn't nasty. I told her that our bodies made milk for babies so they could drink it and that it was healthy for them (not bashing bottle givers) besides the fact that I showed her how I liked cuddling with the baby the same way I had done with her.  I bring this up because I want her to grow up knowing that breastfeeding is not a weird thing and to see me openly do it-at home of course, when we're out shes my boobie checker making sure I'm covered right :)  -will make her feel that it's normal and hopefully one day she will choose to do it too. Takes me to my next subject... 
 
She has seen my breasts obviously like i said i dont hide when im at home feeding the baby and she has seen me naked as well like when we used to take showers when she was younger or sometimes if I get out of the shower and I'm getting dressed and she walks in the room. I try to not act weird about her seeing me naked I just coyly put on my clothes and continue on.  I want her to know that her body is normal. That you should be ok with yourself. Sometimes I walk in my undies and bra around the house and she takes off everything but her undies too. Of course just when it's the two of us because that being said I've also drilled in her head that we don't do that when there are people around. I dont want her being a nudist flashing everybody. I want to teach her nudity is ok if you keep it to yourself and hopefully her little undie walks around the house will give her the confidence she needs so that one day when she's married with her husband she won't be self conscious about her body and she'll be able to walk around her house comfortably.
Moving on...

Her having seem me in undies and such she also took notice of when I had periods. She used to see my pads around and ask what they were for so I explained how mommy needed her "diapers" lol.  I explained what they did and that again it was something normal that happened to all grown up girls. That she would get it one day and she would be ok because it didn't hurt and that I would teach her how to use them when the time came. enthusiastically she said ok and that was that.
Next... 

When her little sister was finally born and she went to see me at the hospital she kept rubbing her little eyes saying her baby sister was so beautiful it made her want to cry :,) ... 
This ties in to the fact that I want her to grow up as a strong secure confident woman so I'm always telling her she's beautiful that she's gorgeous, that I like her skirt, the way her hair looks etc. I've been doing this since before she first started talking. At one point my sister told me I shouldn't do that because she was going to grow up being conceited thinking she was prettier than everybody else. I always  tell her how everybody is beautiful just like her so I just told her I didn't think so and that regardless I wanted her to hear it and know it...  It gave me a sense of satisfaction when a couple days later my sister came downstairs all dressed up and AG being about 2 1/2 at the time says: Tia I love your dress you look so beautiful!! I just looked at my sister and smiled and she knew why. See AG is almost 5 and still doesn't hold back at all from giving people compliments. To me or to anybody else. She always has something nice to say about everyone wether it be their shoes or their shirt or they're hair or even their makeup lol. It makes me happy because I see that what I have showed onto her she's showing other people. 

Sooooo...  My goodness this is getting long. I guess you see my point.  I'm trying to be open with her in every aspect so that she always feels like she can talk to me about everything. I don't want her feeling weirded out by anything with me. Im striving to have her utter and most ultimate trust with anything and everything. Don't get me wrong it will be weird as heck for me when the sex issues start coming up but I want her to know and feel that I've never kept anything from her and hopefully that will make her want to talk to me about any questions or doubts she may eventually have. When I was growing up my mom never talked to me about anything. Nothing about kissing or pregnancy. Never told me about my period. I was 11 when I got mine and the only reason I didn't freak out was because of what I had learned in school or from my sister. I had to go out and buy my first pack of pads on my own when I didn't even know what they were called. Growing up I was very self conscious of my body. As an adult I only wanted to make love to my husband with the lights turned off preferably under the covers and forget about doing anything in the daytime. It was very stressful because i wasnt used to my own body. I was very insecure. I didnt know anything BUT he is amazing and compliments my body every single day and you know what? He has made me feel and actually believe that I'm sexy. He has made me open up so much. I am thankful I had him to help me but I dont want her to go through that stress. That is why I am always building up her self esteem. 
I could go on much longer. We have covered death, being polite, strangers, driving, makeup, animals - you name it. I always give her as clear an answer as possible even if it involves much detail. I do it in as sensitive way as possible but again as clear and as straight as I can be. 
That being said I know im not the perfect mom or anything like that and I know i have no guarantee that she will grow up to be the person that I am trying to turn her into. I can only hope that with my communication she will make the best choices. I will always be there for her. I intend on doing the same thing with my littlest one as well and like I said I can only hope for the best but one thing is for sure. They will never say: my mom never told me that. :) 

So how open are you with your children and at what age and  to what point do you explain things. 
Thanks so much for reading and am looking forward to reading your own thoughts!
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MrsApple
by Platinum Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:07 AM

I'm the same way with my 5 yr old.I want to be open and honest with her because growing up,my mom never really "talked" to me and I was pretty sheltered about some things!I was 8 when I started my period and I had NO idea what was happening to me because my mom hadn't prepared me for it at all.

treasure1212
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:12 AM
I try to be open with my son he's 6 now but I find it hard to explain to him how things work . He knows I have his sister growing in my tummy and knows its almost time for her to come out but about a month ago he asked how the dr was going to help her get out and I had a hard time explaining it with out grossing him out . Then he asked what she will eat because he wanted to save half of his yogurt for her lol thought it was sweet but I had to tell him about how mommys boobs make milk when babies are born and she will get that . He said oh ok . And then went to play
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candycrz
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:36 AM
Well I have both boys but I tell my 2 year old he is handsome and he is gonna have all the ladies lol. I also bf in front of him and he don't pay no mind. He just wants to play trucks lol
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Dorky-momma
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 5:24 AM
Mines only 1 but I want 2 do the same thing. Ur deffently a super mom :)
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babybuddafly
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:44 PM
Thanks that's sweet but I think I'm way far from super mom. Everyday is a big struggle trying to teach and show them you know. I'm sure you'll be an awesome mommy!
babybuddafly
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:48 PM

Lol. Sometimes i Wish mine would just say "oh ok" and walk away. Sigh. This little girl digs through everything and like i said: wants details details details. Ita good but sometimes I also feel like the time will come for now go eat an ice cream lol buuuuut if she asks I must reply :)

Quoting treasure1212:

I try to be open with my son he's 6 now but I find it hard to explain to him how things work . He knows I have his sister growing in my tummy and knows its almost time for her to come out but about a month ago he asked how the dr was going to help her get out and I had a hard time explaining it with out grossing him out . Then he asked what she will eat because he wanted to save half of his yogurt for her lol thought it was sweet but I had to tell him about how mommys boobs make milk when babies are born and she will get that . He said oh ok . And then went to play

Makynzies_Mommy
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:54 PM
I will be the same with my dd. I agree with pp you def. are a super mom! :)
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angela.bouchard
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:00 PM

i want to be open with my son (and future kids) as well. my mom NEVER talked to me about anything growing up.

manda-nicole010
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:26 PM

I plan on being very open with my daughter when she asks things as she gets older. She is only one know so I have another year or so go to :p

lexa86
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:28 PM

i agree with your style. i try to explain everything topic that comes up with my son. he's never hit that "why" stage and i think it's cause he's never really had a reason to ask. its hard to explain some things especially taking into account his age but i try to make every conversation just that- a conversation. he is about to turn three and speaks in full complex sentences. he will come to you and start explaining something out of the blue. telling your child how beautiful they are daily does not make them conceited- it teaches them that when they look in that mirror at the imperfections(dont have any/all teeth yet, lost one, hair sticking up in the morning, their eyes/hair are different than yours, etc...) every little difference between them, you, siblings, and daddy are not to be judged but accepted. it teaches them to see beauty in everyone and how to express it. i wouldn't get into how babies are made/ the dreaded sex conversation yet but i view that differently. children are inquisitive and explore everything. If you explain a freckle- they will notice & even start looking for them on themselves and everyone else. To explain what people do together with each others private areas might put the kid at risk of being hurt. if they express knowledge of such things and weren't taught- its a sign that someone might have hurt them.

my mom didn't teach us about any of that stuff and i had to learn about my period and puberty through experience & school. i was upset that i had to go through that on my own but having no sex ed was not missed for me. i got to be an innocent kid with no fears that such knowledge comes with. because you cant teach someone about sex & not include the dangers in the talk

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