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Temper tantrum help

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I need some advice ladies. My nine month old daughters fit have got worse! She has started screaming at us when my dh and I tell her no. Her nursing manners have gone away she way me shirtless or she grabs the nipple she isn't on and either pulls or pinches it and ouch!!! I can't get her to sit in he high chair she tries to stand up even buckled in and has almos figured out how o undo the buckle. So I have ended dinner and put her in the floor which result in her on my knee crying and screaming no mamma no an hiting and pinching. I have also tried talking to her and she turns her head and puts her hand over her ears(not sure where she learned this) so idk what to do I dnt want a awful toddler on my hands and idk how to help her. She Is very strong willed and I give her lots of learning time and mommy time to play. And diaper and dressing time takes almost a hour because she won't lay still and pulls clothes off. My family won't even change her now she puts up such a fight! Help plz!!
by on Jan. 23, 2012 at 12:28 PM
Replies (71-80):
GaleJ
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 8:03 PM

Rather than giving her consequences I would suggest you try to figure out what is causing her to feel such frustration. You might want to consider baby signing to allow her to more effectively be able to communicate what her needs are. As for dressing and changing I suggest you stop making the process so passive for her. Put appropriate outfits in baskets, one complete outfit in each basket, allow her to choose and instead of putting her down to dress her let her lead the process. Show her how to put the clothes on herself and only guide her as she does it. Don't worry if it takes time to learn or time to do, you already said it can take an hour and once she learns this it will be both easier and quicker. Changes can also be done standing and again she can be more part of the process instead of having the change "done to her" which often helps children change their focus because while she is actively doing something her brain is engaged and learning and not feeling as furstrated. She can hand you the new diaper and wipe and turn around when you ask her to do so. The more she is engaged with what is happening to her and allowed to make choices for herself the less frustration she will feel and express.

BabyIslasMom
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 8:04 PM
2 moms liked this
Are you people crazy? Really, you shouldn't have children. Time outs? Smacking? ignoring? Please do your poor children a huge favor and read or take a course on child development! A nine month old baby doesn't throw tantrums, they are just expressing themselves in the only way they are capable. Why don't you try modeling kind and empathetic behavior. You are your child's whole world. They look to you to have all their needs met, especially EMOTIONAL. Yet, when they become frustrated by something you banish them to a crib to scream all alone?? That's cruel! You are teaching them nothing but cruelty. Children are a reflection of the treatment they receive. If you want your child to act a certain way then try modeling that behavior for them. I'd be willing to bet it's a direct result of something YOU are doing wrong that is causing your infant to "act out" as you say. But you turn around and punish them for this?! Take a good look at your own behaviors before blaming your children for theirs. Reading this post and all these responses makes me really sad for these kids who are just acting appropriately for their age and stage of development. Seriously, pick up a book on infant and child development so you understand why kids do what they do.
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Shardep
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 8:16 PM
Ignore the tantrums, ignore her when shes throwing them! If ur like whats wrong, taking her from her seat etc... Ur providing her with the attention shes trying to get by tantruming, if you ignore it completely she gets no reward for that behavior, and eventually shell relize thats not how u get things! Just a warning tho the first couple times u try it she will raise hell! And then ull break thru
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Hesmynavyman
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 8:17 PM

Be The MOM and put your foot down and tell her NO! Be determined and show her who's boss. Children learn this as early as 9 months. Start putting her in the corner or do a little flick on the hand! My daughter was this way she started walking at 8 months. My son he is 9 months now, my daughter is 2 1/2 and my 9 month old he likes to nurse still but sometimes seems not as interested but he does pinch my nipple once and I said NO! That hurts momma awe! And then I also got a bit which is OUCH! And I said No, no! And he cried I hurt his feelings but he hurt his Momma and he hasn't done it since! My daughter did that at 8 months I did the same and said No but they both learned! My son he would bite and pull away but dosn't anymore he just turned 9 months yesterday. :) Good luck it is hard it's not easy But show your baby who's MRS. Boss! ;) I watch lots of Nanny 911 and they say start as young as 9 to 1 yrs old with time outs in the corner for a few secs to a minute until they stay for a few secs since she is so small! You have to make her sit and explain to her why.

Libertyinlight
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 8:27 PM
Ok. I don't necessarily agree with you but instead of berating all of these moms please tell us what you do when your child is doing something that is not ok. How do you get the message across. I agree with many of the posts that u think are cruel. These moms are gently setting down boundaries of behavior that is not ok in a loving manner and all be darned a lot if these moms said it worked brilliantly. I have a friend who has 2 children 5 and 7. Both of them only received care similar to what your talking about and now it is engraved in them that they are in contol. The youngest is doing horribly because parents did not set up boundries from the beginning. He throws tantrums for hours every day. It is near impossible to get through to him now. He uses the tantrums to get what he wants and always has. I have seen what happens if u don't lay down boundaries and it is a but scary.

Back to my first question. Please tell us what it is your doing to get your kids to behave well. The whole point of this post is to give solutions not berate. Just reading child development is not enough. I am sure all of us have read that and many other books to nauseum. So again give us your brilliant pearls of wisdom.
canadianmom85
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 8:28 PM

Sounds like my dd to a t. She is almost 6 now and Is still as storng willed and stubborn. I have tried time out, taking priveledes etc. She's says I don't care if I get punished and most of the time really doesn't. I find the best thing is to try and prevent any behaviours. Reward good behaviour like crazy with clapping and cheering, and sometimes a treat. And if you see a bad behaviour surfacing distract her quickly. I find this works best because once the behaviour presents itself the situation usually just escalates to a battle of wills and is tiresome for eveybody.  Good Luck!

thecouponlady
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 8:30 PM


Quoting katiesing:

Quoting DeirdraG.:

Sounds like she needs mini timeouts.

I suggest putting her in her crib/playpen and walking away.

Ignore it.




How long to I leave her in timeout? Or is it until she can calm down enough to behave?

she is to little for a reguerler time out,so the best u can do is first tell her she is in a timeout and why,then hold her on you lap with her not facing you,pay no attention to her and each time she tries to turn around just keep her turning her back,start with mabe 30 seconds and up it each time,

Libertyinlight
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 8:32 PM
Sorry my response is to babyislasmom!!!
haleykj
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 8:46 PM
I'm uncomfortable with this advice. Here is a kink that u may find helpful http://www.authenticparenting.info/2011/12/10-things-not-to-do-to-upset-child-and.html?m=1


Quoting DeirdraG.:

Sounds like she needs mini timeouts.



I suggest putting her in her crib/playpen and walking away.



Ignore it.

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ADHDmommyandson
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 8:49 PM

1 min time outs and they start when she is semi calm let ehr feed her self  im sry i knwo your feedign bottle it sippy cup it  you dotn deserver to be hurt  she 9 mons adn sounds smart  by whats shes doing already  can she point ? if so let her pick her cloths my son was picking his by that age good luck what ever you choose to do stick with it it has to be consistant  by you and hubby 

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