I Am Changing Myself For The Better...

Of my baby. Last night was one of my first nights home alone with DD3months, since DF just started a job. To begin with it was easy, DD slept and I watched some TV, played with the animals, had something for dinner. However it wasn't until later on that night when DD was screaming at me, the animals were fighting and I was dead tired did I realise something.  I cannot keep functioning and surviving this way. It was a realisation that hit me hard. I haven't been 'living' and enjoying my daughter, I had been coping (or not so much) and surviving. A person is supposed to cherish the time they have with their infant so it was a big wake up call.

I think one of the things that hit me the hardest was when I was trying to get DD to latch. We are combi-feeding, see, and she turned away from the breast. I kept trying but she wasn't playing the game so I made her up a bottle and cried my eyes out. My first thought was 'She doesn't need me anymore, anyone else can do the other things, this was my thing!' Of course it is a silly thing to think.

So I decided to change. Whilst I dreamt last night I sorted my emotions into boxes and labelled them. I threw out the ones with 'Impatient' and 'Useless', who needs all that noise? I replaced their spot with 'Useful' and 'Patient' and got started on trying to be that way. 

I woke up this morning to Df being home from work, he'd changed DDs nappy and had fed her and was sitting on the end of the bed cradelling her to his chest. Just that small little thing made me realise that this change was good!

Fast forward to now. i am more calm, more collected. i am enjoying the attention from DD. We even managed a 15 minute breastfeed without fuss. I found by changing my mentality but daughter has sensed it and it has made her calmer.

I just wanted to share :)