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Babies Babies

Spoiling my kid?

Posted by on May. 3, 2012 at 6:51 PM
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So I'ma 1st timer and my dd is 6wks old. Last night I went to a friends house that I haven't seen in years! Got introduced to her 15month old daughter, yadda yadda. Long story short dd got fussy after I put her down for awhile (like always) so I pulled out my carrier, settled her in and she quit cryin, just wanted to be held. Well I get told that by buyin that I just made my life hell because dd is gonna be needy and I'm always gonna have to carry her; holding dd too much will spoil her and cause seperation anxiety.


Is this true? I thought that the more physical contact the better. When I was in college I read up on a study where they had 2 groups of infants with physical needs being met but human contact as the variable. The children w/o physical contact did significantly poorer than the one with. So askin mom's with a bit more experience: Am I makin my future hell  by carrying/holding dd whenever she wants?


Thanks in advance for any input. =) 

by on May. 3, 2012 at 6:51 PM
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Charlibabe
by on May. 3, 2012 at 6:58 PM
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 No your not. I hold the philosophy that you can never spoil a baby especially as young as your baby by holding them to much! I was told that too when I had my first and I still went with my gut because it killed me to hear her cry and now her being almost 4 she is very independent and not clingy or has never had any real Seperation anxiety...and she still loves to cuddle with her mommy. Do what you feel is right, because your gut is almost always right!

anon1986East
by on May. 3, 2012 at 7:03 PM
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It's a slippery slope in my opinion. I've seen some children become clingy and throw tantrums when not immediately held because their parents always held them, but I've seen children who were held a lot as infants and did not become overly clingy. My oldest was never much of a cuddle bug, even as an infant she'd get fussy if you held her too much or for too long. My 2nd DD was, and still is, a mommy's girl. She always wanted to be held as an infant but as she got older she was less clingy, she's 6 now and still loves to cuddle and will occasionally want to be carried around but she has never thrown a tantrum when told that she can't be carried or held at the moment and she rarely throws a tantrum when DH and/or I leave to go somewhere that she can't come.

So in my opinion and personal experiences I think it has a lot to do with the child's personality. Your DD could become clingy and demanding but I don't think holding her all the time automatically means that she'll become that way.

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Paradys
by on May. 3, 2012 at 7:03 PM
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Well, I wouldn't give her whatever she wants.....but you're not doing your dd any harm by wearing her. You're teaching her that you're there when she needs you and that she can, trust in, depend on, and expect your love! Keep up the good work
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TinDoll
by on May. 3, 2012 at 7:10 PM

Thanks ladies. It's worryin me. Especially today when for the past 5 hours she has wanted me RIGHT there with her. But she's been super fussy, cries for no reason (clean diaper, fed, burped, not to hot/cold, generally a healthy, happy baby), and gets WAAAAYYY worse if I leave her. I just can't bring myself to let her "cry it out". Most I do is take breaks to eat and cool down for 5 min tops before I can't stand it and go back to her (at which point she calms down a little LOL). I just don't know going crazy

preacherskid
by on May. 3, 2012 at 7:10 PM
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My older dd hated being carried- liked to be held but flipped when put in a carrier. Our second dd- couldn't be worn or carried enough. I think it is more about meeting not only physical needs, but emotional needs to feel secure and loved, cared for, paid attention to. For the majority of children that translates into being held, cuddled, worn, carried. You aren't spoiling her by meeting ALL of her needs, nor are you making your life more difficult. You are being her mommy and taking good care of her :)
preacherskid
by on May. 3, 2012 at 7:15 PM
Quoting TinDoll:

Thanks ladies. It's worryin me. Especially today when for the past 5 hours she has wanted me RIGHT there with her. But she's been super fussy, cries for no reason (clean diaper, fed, burped, not to hot/cold, generally a healthy, happy baby), and gets WAAAAYYY worse if I leave her. I just can't bring myself to let her "cry it out". Most I do is take breaks to eat and cool down for 5 min tops before I can't stand it and go back to her (at which point she calms down a little LOL). I just don't know going crazy




At six weeks she is still adjusting- remember, she was in a dark, warm, quiet place where all she could hear was your heart, voice, breath until about six weeks ago. We swaddled and carried our second dd until she was about six months old, because that is what she needed in order to cope with environmental stimulation. At sixteen months she still prefers being held or worn, yet she is also very independent. Just pop her in the carrier and go about what you need to do- you will both feel better :)
TerriB0311
by on May. 3, 2012 at 7:16 PM
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Geez, the baby is only 6 weeks old....no, you are not spoiling her at all. You are comforting her and attending to her needs. She's barely had time to adjust to life on the outside. I hold the philosophy that you can't spoil a child with love. Yes, they need independence, but as they get older. You are doing a GREAT job, mama....just keep taking care of your DD.
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SewingMamaLele
by Silver Member on May. 3, 2012 at 7:18 PM
1 mom liked this
Babies are needy. Toddlers are even needier... Its how theyre designed and nothing you do or dont do will make it better or worse, it totally depends on the child. Hold that baby as much as you can and shell become independant when shes ready (which will be before college, i promise!).
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TinDoll
by on May. 3, 2012 at 7:19 PM


Quoting preacherskid:

Quoting TinDoll:

Thanks ladies. It's worryin me. Especially today when for the past 5 hours she has wanted me RIGHT there with her. But she's been super fussy, cries for no reason (clean diaper, fed, burped, not to hot/cold, generally a healthy, happy baby), and gets WAAAAYYY worse if I leave her. I just can't bring myself to let her "cry it out". Most I do is take breaks to eat and cool down for 5 min tops before I can't stand it and go back to her (at which point she calms down a little LOL). I just don't know going crazy




At six weeks she is still adjusting- remember, she was in a dark, warm, quiet place where all she could hear was your heart, voice, breath until about six weeks ago. We swaddled and carried our second dd until she was about six months old, because that is what she needed in order to cope with environmental stimulation. At sixteen months she still prefers being held or worn, yet she is also very independent. Just pop her in the carrier and go about what you need to do- you will both feel better :)

She is not havin it today. LOL No carrier doesn't want me to hold her just wants me to be right next to her while she lays on the bed. She goes between nursing to drawin in her hands and feet while cryin/screamin to a quick nap and repeat. Guess I should open another post and ask if it's the dreaded colic I've heard about?

Autumn19
by on May. 3, 2012 at 7:20 PM
it just all depends. I was told that with my first and we tried alot of cio which ended in me cuddling him. He is very needy and clingy still at 5. He had seperation anxiety until he was about 4.
My dd is 4 months and a little clingy right now due to teething. But now i believe that that by meeting their needs they will be more secure. So far my dd lets anyone hold her where my son wouldnt let anyone touch him.
Didnt mean to ramble.
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